Which tool from Alan's 21 day program?

Amazing how the fear thoughts related to pain bring no emotional response in me. I dont in fact find myself thinking about pain or talking about it. Its there but in body not in mind. I can just notice it but dont feel anything towards it. It took me almost two years to get here. But I am glad it came, to tell me to improve my mental health.

7 years back I went through divorce, leading to 4 years of court battle, during which I constantly had my mind thinking all the what ifs, what do, I need a plan for all the unknowns in future, worry full mind 24/7. I knew this is the source of my highly sensitized ANS. But today, whenever I have an issue in relationship, work, family etc.. I have a hard time calming my mind down. I cant stop it from not thinking worry fear what ifs what should i do, should i do this or that, etc etc.. I notice my mind is actually thinking already from the moment i open my eyes in the morning. I can enjoy peace when I have a situation in life, My mind is not CALM and so is my bodily pain. Pain is knocking to tell me to calm down and stop worrying/thinking.

How do i do that? what tool to use to stop thinking/fearing ? how do i not worry about my future when I have a problem on hand. how do i stop finding a plan for the problem today. Which would be the good tool. I read Alan's 21 day new program and have a wealth of information but just dont know which to apply so I can better enjoy the moment I am in than be in my head making a plan/decision etc for the problem on hand since there is so much worry/fear for future.

 

It is the same approach you have used to successfully overcome your fear of the pain. Your mind is trying to trick you into thinking this time the symptoms are more complicated. Accept your overthinking and anxiety by just noticing them but not paying too much attention. Remind yourself that this is just another trigger. Nothing more scary than that.

 

Thanks.. With pain controlling the thinking, i found it easy. But when I have situations on hand and decisions to make about what to do or what not do, thats when I go into worry full thinking mode. Since my mind has to find a plan for all the permutations combinations possible in future and then decide on which way to implement today. How can you not worry, when you have a situation on hand today and need to do something about. For me the trend has been, that relationship with my partners or immediate family members put me into the worry mode right away.

 

I think this is where you "worry" trigger is. Perhaps you have not had a 'safe place' in your life. Someone to really trust and lean on? You take on all the stress yourself.

It would be helpful for you to start to look after yourself more, spend time doing things that calm and relax you. Also reassess you boundaries around yourself with other people so that you are treating yourself with love and respect. I had to learn to do this too. I had to become my own 'safe place in the world'. This was so important to my recovery from tms.

 

Thanks birdsetfree. I just read your story and its so inspiring. I hard but not impossible. Its not the pain that despairs me, in fact I am no longer seeking to be pain free, I am already mentally free. I want to feel safe and make myself my go to person for safety. You are right, growing up I was taught first its my dad, then my brother, and then the man in my life will be my go to person for safety. I look for safety externally. I know that missing link in my recovery, I have to become my own 'safe place in the world', i just don't know how to get there? Mentally self talk doesn't help.

 

Thank you for kind words about my story. It has been a very eye opening journey.

I notice in your picture you are a mom? A very loving, kind one from the looks of things. What do you say to your daughter when she feels unsafe? Do you reassure her and soothe her and love her? Do you remind her of her own strength? It is this kind of interaction that you want to be having with yourself when you feel worried or scared. It is about becoming aware of the pressure and negative thoughts you may be having daily and replacing them with supportive nurturing thoughts instead. Changing the relationship with yourself in this way will help you to become emotionally independent.

Over time you will build up confidence in your place in the world. We all deserve to feel enough just as we are.

 

Yes, I am a mom to my daughter, but I dont remain to be an effective mom at the times of my worry full thinking pattern mode. Thanks for reminding me.

My body is my safe place and I think Alan's 21 day new program teaches how to create one for oneself

 

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