Day 7 Whew day 6 over

[Harri]

Hi all,
I thought to myself after the earlier mail and the support from some of you that I would start the 36 day programme . And I thought I would finish a week and then as a reward ,would write about the same in the forum..day 3 where I had to write the top 3 things which got me sad and angry was real tough...I was getting angry and also sad..fretting ...talking out loud...was doing crazy things but the best part was I was feeling sane...I finished that days journaling in 3 days... I am getting better ...I started walking ..15 to to 20 minutes in the morning and evening....today that pain on the lower back left side started cropping up...I was trying to find a link and then it cropped up...one colleague whom I detest called me ...talked real ' sweety sweety''. Saying that I would get better ...but you missed this...that.......(am still on leave )...wonders of all the moment the link came to my mind the pain started diminishing....
Hey ..I have started doing something which is helping me a lot...whenever the pain starts..I order my brain to send oxygen and increase blood flow to my nerves where the pain is...it works better if I sAy it loud and forcefully.....of course people might think u are crazy if u are gonna talk to yourself but the fact is I am the one who is feeling the pain..... Guys this mind body connection is actually true....the journal writing is actually making my mind a lot clearer other than the pain...more importantly ..I am going to really enjoy the letter writing from day 8 onwards...believe me ..have a lot to say to people and not going to be really goody goody and polite like I am in real life...here's looking forward to all ur support and motivation going forward
Regds
Harri

 

[Leslie]

Sounds like you're making wonderful progress Harri, I'm really happy for and encouraged by you! The unsent letters have helped me quite a bit, in fact I plan to write a couple this weekend hoping to exile an annoying "ache" that has crept in due to some family stuff. I don't know if you've had a chance to watch the interview Forest did with Nicole Sachs in the "general" forum, but during the interview she talks about what she calls "journal speak" and the unsent letters. If you're writing the letters for yourself, with no intention of actually sending them, she wisely recommends destroying them immediately after you've written them (in fact I believe her directions are to rip them into pieces and throw them away in a trash can 2 towns away!). The repercussions of not doing that, I guess I was clinging to the idea that I might "need" what I had written at some point, was something I learned as a teenager when my mother found (and didn't hesitate to read) my journal. Certainly a teenage girl's journal is not filled with expressions of undying love and adoration for mommy dearest and mom was completely convinced that my rage filled ramblings from months ago were my current and true feelings about her.

They're very cathartic, no doubt about it. I write them on loose-leaf paper now, rather than actually in my journal. I read the letter from beginning to end, and then I take it for a walk to the cross-cut paper shredder & imagine that the shredder is sucking all my negative feelings from me, chewing them all up, and depositing them in the trash.

Happy Healing!!

 

[Harri]

Thanks Leslie for the detailed mail..I had thought about the safety/ security of the journal quite a lot and.....
1. I actually downloaded journal app on my ipad which has password lock and the moment u go on to another page the app / journal automatically locks itself ..this is best as one can add or read this practically anywhere u go without a problem of carrying the physical papers
2. I don't know about throwing it away after reading ..I feel I need to read and re edit it at least twice or thrice and then maybe delete it ...again deleting is much easy on this..
3 . Now if somebody snoops ,breaks my password and somehow gets into my ipad journal and reads unflattering , vitriolic comments about themselves, then secretly am going to be a little delighted cause they deserve it...
I have a mental image of a pot overflowing with thoughts in my brain and now after a 6 day level..the image am carrying is a pot with thoughts to the brim but not overflowing anymore ...and as I said before , I strongly believe pain is secondary ...the relief of the load going down is actually better than the pain going down...and happy and fast healing to you as we'll..we all need this relief...
Regds
Harri

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Awesome conversation, Harri - I love your outlook, and you made me LOL at #3 above

I bet everyone has a different reaction to the storing or not of their writings. I've been writing on a tear-off pad, and I often fill up both sides of a sheet, at night before I go to sleep. I tear the sheet off the pad, fold it in half, and stuff it into the side pocket of the portfolio thing that holds the pad. Once or twice I've taken the last one out, but find that I don't need or want to review it - I feel like I completed what I had to say, and it's done. It's actually an interesting reaction for me, one that's quite different because, being the classic perfectionist that I am, I often do want to revise and edit my writing. This may be a function of finally deciding to journal on paper instead of on the computer.

Jan

 

[Harri]

Hi janathecpa,

Thanks....I have read through lots of posts in the forum ...and I have seen the replies coming in thick and fast from you and the rest of the team giving encouragement, advice,motivation etc...what you guys are doing is a saintly act..in these days in a dog eat dog world where Money is the differentiator ...there are doctors online these days charging per word online...you people are giving balm to the needy and tortured souls...and that was what saints did in times of yore...lemme tell u I am a corporate guy ..you know the yuppie kind looking for the big deal, getting to the corner office...high tea...power breakfast ....post the last 10 days after going thru th forum in general ..I realised that I could do also find time to do something to help people also ....no am not talking abt giving up my job,etc...but I could really squeeze some time to Help in Kind....maybe check out my local community..so why am saying is not about learning about TMS here but what I feel are bigger things...it's been a great day that I stumbled upon this site and forum....Tks and have a super day all of u ...

 

[EricMd]

I would scream at my pain on the way home from work to go away and it would listen to me, at least temporarily. I am a verbal learner and maybe this is why it seemed to work better for me to actually verbalize my commands. Just make sure the windows are rolled up! I hate to journal but it is helping and brings up thoughts I never knew I had. I am on day 24 and have seen significant improvement. Keep working on it and good luck

 

[Leslie]

Hi Harri
I just wanted to let you know that, in my humble opinion, you've already "squeezed some time to Help"! Your posts are very helpful to me! They're encouraging and insightful, not to mention the fabulous wonderful feeling I had as I literally laughed out loud when I read your #3 above - I loved it!!! Thank you so very, very much for putting some laughter in my day - I'll take all the help I can get with that and you've had an impact!!

I'm a screamer too, Eric. Although there are plenty of times that it's just me and the cat at home, when I want to scream, I take a drive. My house is old, not all that well insulated (I can hear conversations on my sidewalk clear as day when I'm sitting in my living room with doors and windows closed), and I have elderly neighbors on all sides - don't want them to hear my screams and worry (or call the cops thinking that I'm in some kind of danger). So, I drive. I keep the windows rolled up, I check for visible people on sidewalks & the like, and then I just scream at the top of my lungs - no words just as big & long of a scream as I can manage. I feel better every time I do it!