Day 1 Where do I begin !!??????

I am a 62 year old male and have been plagued by the following for over 25+ years. It probably all began somewhere in my mid thirties. I have been "haunted" mainly by buttock pain but occasional hamstring discomfort/pain, lumbar and thoracic pain, shoulder and neck pain. The pain seemed to travel around those parts of the body but was always the worst when it settled into the buttocks. As I have read many posts over the past several days, I see there are MANY who suffer from similar pain. Difficulty sitting seems to be one of my worst symptoms and I see it being expressed by others. I too have made the rounds to many medical professionals: many, many visits to the family doctor, neurologists, orthopedics, proctologists, urologists, chiropractors, massage therapists (one in particular for monthly massages for 17 years), rheumatologists, Feldenkrais practitioners, 5 MRIs (including a recent one in 2012), CT scans, xrays, etc. - you name it I have seen them both in town and out of town and at some well-known, highly rated medical centers. By 1997, I was ready to try anything to stop the buttock pain. I was told that an MRI showed some minor signs of arthritis in my lumbar around L4/L5 and L4/L3 so I pushed for the surgery. The surgery did NOTHING! I continued in pain, made some more rounds between 1997 and 2000. I was referred to an orthopedic specialist in town and he indicated that I had piriformis snydrome. I was referred again to a very highly recognized medical facility in my state. The orthopedic specialist ordered another MRI and agreed I had piriformis syndrome and that by releasing the piriformis the pain would subside in the cheek and the slight bit I had into the back of the leg. Actually at the time I was having similar pain in both cheeks and wanted the surgery done on both. He said we would try only one at a time. The surgery did NOTHING!! I was devastated and slipped into "darkness" that I kept private from my family. This was in July of 2000. The next 14 plus years I used a tennis ball, massage rollers, ice, heat, massages, etc. to try and keep the muscles free of pain, trying to get them to feel relaxed, etc.

I have know for YEARS that there was some kind of a connection between my mental state and the degree of pain (and occurring events of pain) but I could not get any medical person that I came into contact with to agree. I was told about a bulging disc, poor posture, the chairs I would choose to sit in, etc. and the list goes on and on. I just came off of one year of working with a Feldenkrais practitioner (and I truly respect the method and have gained ease of movement) doing 75 private sessions and attending probably 40 ATM classes. I still have the same pain in the cheeks. Again, it is not always there but when it appears, I can not resolve it for months!!!

I started seeing a counselor recently for anxiety and bouts of depression trying to deal with this. I am constantly searching the internet for possible solutions. It was ONLY THIS PAST MONDAY (October 20, 2014) that I can across a video of a young, Asian man speaking about his symptoms and his journey. It was if I was that person telling my story. I could NOT believe what I was hearing. I brought it into the kitchen where my wife was and she agreed totally that he was describing me in detail. I immediately went to the library the following day and checked out Healing Back Pain, The Mindbody Prescription and The Divided Mind. I have read Healing Back Pain and totally agree this describes me to a 'T'. I believe after ALL of these years that I am a TMS sufferer!!!

I had already started journaling on the advice of a friend and my counselor. I had previously resigned myself to the fact that the pain was NOT related to an structural issues, especially coming from my back, pelvis, etc. However, the Feldenkrais practitioner had me mentally "boxed in" that it was all due to my posture. I look at myself and I look at others and I think back to my 20's and 30's (when this all started) and I do not see that my posture is such an issue. What I do see is the following.

I am VERY conscientious, perfectionist, over achiever, hard working individual that go married at age 25 after completing a bachelor degree in education. I taught high school for 35+ years; taught 13 years at the university level, completed two master degrees, was a hands on father while helping to raise our two daughters, etc. I was on the "rat" wheel running very hard, very stressed (much of it was self applied) for a long time and also dealt with what I now believe is TMS!!!

I am very ready to begin the program. I need your reassurance along the way that I CAN do this and that it WILL be effective. I am somewhat troubled by Dr. Sarno's indication about suppressed emotions. I know that I can be very anxious at times and believe this has MUCH to do with my symptoms. I am not sure how much "buried" repressed emotions I have or will bring forward on this journey. Can someone speak to this concern?

I am so thankful and appreciative that I stumbled across TMS after all of these years and everything I have been through. I am also appreciative that such a website exists and to those who "man" the site and respond according. THANK YOU!

 

Hi, Denny. I'm so glad you learned about Dr. Sarno and TMS. I assure you, believing 100 percent in his philosophy that
repressed emotions causes physical pain WILL HEAL YOU. I suffered severe back pain two years ago and it led me to
learn about Dr. Sarno. I read his book HEALING BACK PAIN and followed his 12 DAILY REMINDERS and other
TMS healing techniques that I learned from the Structured Education Program and after a short while, the pain left me
and hasn't returned over the past two years. So I strongly suggest you begin the SEP and stick with it.

Your being a perfectionist and very conscientious person are perfect examples of TMS, but I believe you also need to
discover the repressed emotions that very likely go back to your childhood, as did mine. That's where the healing begins.

I found it most helpful to journal about my boyhood and that led me to realizing how angry I was with my parents
and older brother. That led me to understanding them better, and that led to forgiving them. Forgiveness is essential
in healing.

You definitely will heal if you follow the Sarno principles and the SEP. I did and thousands of others healed, too.

Finding this web site was providential. You are among friends here and we all help each other to heal from pain.

 

Thank you, Walt, for the encouragement! It has been a long time getting to this point. I am not sure how to "uncover" or reveal any "repressions" I may have from my childhood. I started journaling about 2 weeks ago and possibly one thought may trigger another. I did grow up in a different type of environment having a sibling who was mentally retarded (myself being the youngest of 3 boys) and who had very uncontrollable seizures most of his life. There was turmoil in the home ... But I never seemed troubled by these things but then again they may live deep. Again, thank you for the post. I TRULY BELIEVE that I have finally found the cause of my pain. I just finished Day 2 of the Structured Education program.