When you have a bad day, and the doubt and fear that goes along with it

I said a couple of posts back I was going to write about this and finally I'm getting around to it. I guess my question is when you're having a bad day, or a few bad days, how do you stop yourself from falling back into your old ways? Usually if I'm having a bad day obviously my fear levels go up like "Oh im not getting better this isn't working now" and then I start resorting to old methods of "maybe the pain is physical and I didn't do something right before" and start doubting myself. I know this detracts from the hard work I put into TMS therapy and its extremely difficult when I'm having a bad day to not have those thoughts.

Case in point was this past week.. it wasn't very good pain wise or stress wise. I had some issues at work where I got really pissed off and angry about what was going down and I know that translated into more pain for me.

The big thing I've been talking about recently in my posts is fear about the pain. Even when I'm having a good day I have that thought in my mind like "I hope this pain doesn't come back tomorrow" that kind of deal. And then when I'm having a bad day all of the fear and emotions of doubt come back and I end up surfing the web again reading the articles that i've read 1000 times doing the same crap I've done for the past 3 years that haven't had any benefit for me. The brain is a constant source of doubt especially when struggling so even though I tell myself over and over "I did that already, i did the doctors treatments they didn't work at all, i never got help from that and this is psychological" my brain still says "oh maybe you just didn't do it long enough, maybe you didn't do it right, maybe whatif maybe" it drives you insane thinking like this.

What do you guys do when this happens/happened to you where the old thoughts of doubt came back up that you might have missed something physically and thats why you're not better? Right now as I type my eyes are in pain and I get those thoughts of doubt running again and I can't stand it.

 

Hi dabatross:

This sentence grabbed my attention. It appears to me anyway, that you are truly torn. You haven't totally committed to the PPD/TMS thinking. Yes. You're trying very hard. But I see in your post the same issue I'm having: fear of pain. I think that this can be worse than the pain itself. There's anxiety we carry that the pain will (and sometimes does) return. But one or two bad days doesn't mean you're at square one again. It means you haven't "surrendered" yourself to the diagnosis you know in your heart to be true.

The heart and the brain are different. I know in my heart that I have TMS. Yet I'm at a place where I simply can't stand to be in pain anymore and I haven't had enough consecutive days without pain to totally surrender to TMS thinking. There I said it. And perhaps this is where you are too? I have a lot of pain right now in my arm and neck. I ignore it but it bugs me. I am so tired of being in pain.

I know this is an old piece of advice. But I think writing is so soothing and can give us confidence. We can see where the fear is hiding and try and eradicate it. For me? I discovered this morning I don't have to take that first walk on rocks in driving rain. I can simply walk down my street. Baby steps really applies here. And you are so much further into your journey than I am!

For you? I think you might want to reread some of what you've written rather than what others have written online. See if you can find a place long ago where you smile and say to yourself "well I know that isn't true anymore!"

Maybe this is helpful? Maybe it isn't. But I feel and hear your frustration and I want you to know that you're not alone. We have so many things in our past and the stress of the present that contribute to doubt. Contribute to fear. But perhaps reviewing your own journey with this healing process will help you. I haven't had days without pain yet. But I know it will happen. I know there are invisible barriers (for me) right now that are not letting me take that last step. Surrender to the diagnosis that is as obvious to me as the nose on my face.

I hope you have a pain free day. It's the weekend and maybe you can do something just for you that makes you happy and you forget about your pain, TMS, and the whole thing. That in itself may be a clue.

BG

 

The pain for me is doing better lately unless I sit for any length of time. I try to ignore and the pain will get worse. If I am home doing nothing I get up a lot or sit with chair back so i am not upright. I try to add more upright every day but I think my mind is expecting the pain.

When I have to sit, out to dinner, at a meeting, I try to tell myself it's in my head but that doesn't seem to work.

But what is the hardest part for me right now is the future not the present. We have plane trip coming up in a few months with another couple to Hawaii, I want to be excited but we go every two years with time share and many of the trips I have had bad back pain including the last one which kept me from hiking and that was with no pain before I went for over a year, so my mind is screaming at me if you always get pain from long flight after having no pain, what will you do this time while you are fighting leg and back pain? I feel like I am going crazy and I finally emailed for counseling appt and told Dr in email I am reading Dr Sarno and only want to work with someone who believes in mind body work.

 

Hi dabatross,

I also find that the fear of pain is almost as bad/sometimes worse than the actual pain.

A few things are helping me with this fear. One is Dr. Schubiner's book--though I haven't done his program yet, I've read parts of it, including the section at the back on what to do if you are still having symptoms. He has a lot of good stuff to say about dealing with the fear and set backs.

Another thing that has really helped me is that I have a TMS doctor--I know there aren't that many of them around so I am really lucky to have him. He has encouraged me to check in if I have questions or a new symptom and that has been really helpful. He also has had TMS himself and has had a lot of the same issues we're all talking abut here.

My boyfriend says he is going to permanently block WebMD from my computer Seriously, I just can't go to sites like that anymore. If you know they trigger you, don't go. I know they can be really, really hard to resist.

Lately I've had this strange obsession with my PT exercises which I haven't done in months, like I can visualize myself doing them again, and I try to be calm and just remember that they really didn't do much and that this is psychological pain, it's on it's way out (in time).

Marla,

I have Dr. Sarno's back pain audio book on my ipod and listen to it sometimes on a bad day. Maybe you could listen to that on the plane?

Take care,
Veronica

 

My therapist ones said to me that the brain is far quicker in understanding than our emotions are. The emotions need time to change, often lots. That´s what I say to myself when in doubt. Sometimes that works. And as Beachgirl says: write! At least that´s something productive, unlike screening the internet for solutions you deep down know doesn’t work.

You have my support!

 

Thanks Veronica, I have Mind Body Prescription on audio in my itunes, I will sync to ipad I am taking or my ipod good idea!

 

Marla: (sorry dabatross for taking over your thread - all is temporary!)

I too fly a good 8 hours to get to the place where my heart lies - The Bahamas. I live on the west coast of the states so it's a long flight, usually on little sleep, and with a plane change. I get up and walk the isles, read a book, and look forward to my destination. Also talk with my poor seat mate about ANYTHING so that I'm not thinking about pain.

The funny (sad) thing is last time I went, I hauled Dr. Sarno's book with me and never opened it. I actually hauled it many places and finally I read it. Couldn't put it down and the rest led me here. So grateful for this healing process. I know that eventually - this will work. And as Linnea said, it is about emotions which we tend to cling to far longer than information that we read and understand.

But then nothing worth having is ever easy.

BG

 

marla how did you get the mind body prescription on audio? i tried looking for it on audio and couldn't find it anywhere including audible.com can you point me to where you found it?

 

Hi Dabatross,
I think you can get it on itunes.

 

I did get it on audible.com I joined for a free month. I can't remember if I put in name of book or Dr Sarno to find it, but they have it. I got it less than a month ago.

 

yeah this must be newly added because it wasn't on audible before