Day 26 When was the last time you talked to your parents?

[birder]

I talked to Mom a few weeks ago. Phone talking is difficult for me at the moment, but it felt really good to hear her voice. It wasn’t the greatest conversation, though – I was melting down over the fictional "issue" with my ankle bone and it was really tough to explain where I was coming from without her doing her mom thing – “Maybe you should cut back on the exercise!” Lol. I would like to talk to her more often. Trouble is, I get so weepy when I do, because that's the place I'm in right now - and I've always put a strong front with both my parents. Because I'm always the daughter and the child in me wants to present myself as successful and well and happy. It seems almost a little unfair to burden my 83-year-old mom with the fear and sadness and pain that I'm going through. I think, though, that she can hear my feelings - and actually wants to. I love you, Mom!

 

[EileenS]

I talked to Mom a few weeks ago. Phone talking is difficult for me at the moment, but it felt really good to hear her voice. It wasn’t the greatest conversation, though – I was melting down over the fictional "issue" with my ankle bone and it was really tough to explain where I was coming from without her doing her mom thing – “Maybe you should cut back on the exercise!” Lol. I would like to talk to her more often. Trouble is, I get so weepy when I do, because that's the place I'm in right now - and I've always put a strong front with both my parents. Because I'm always the daughter and the child in me wants to present myself as successful and well and happy. It seems almost a little unfair to burden my 83-year-old mom with the fear and sadness and pain that I'm going through. I think, though, that she can hear my feelings - and actually wants to. I love you, Mom!

What's the worse thing that could happen if you did break down and cry and tell your Mom? You still have your Mom with you and she will always be your Mom who has known you before you started putting on this strong front. From what you say, she's probably worrying about what's wrong and is waiting for you to say something. Sounds like your body and emotions desperately want to tell her. If you have tms, it might help a lot with your pain, since you are having to hold back from telling her.

My sister-in-law tries to keep everything from my 93 year old father-in-law that might cause him to feel worry or sad. He is her dad, but he's my husband's dad too and since I don't believe in covering everything up to protect him, I tell him things involving me. He has a cry sometimes, but is very resilient and he appreciates it when he's not kept in the dark about things.

 

[BruceMC]

Odd, I talk to my mom and dad today more than ever before. Unfortunately, now that they're gone, I notice just how great their presence was and is in everything I hear, say and do.

 

[birder]

What's the worse thing that could happen if you did break down and cry and tell your Mom? You still have your Mom with you and she will always be your Mom who has known you before you started putting on this strong front. From what you say, she's probably worrying about what's wrong and is waiting for you to say something. Sounds like your body and emotions desperately want to tell her. If you have tms, it might help a lot with your pain, since you are having to hold back from telling her.

Eileen, you were absolutely right on. I called my mom this morning. Once I starting talking, it was almost like I couldn't stop. She was worrying and she did want to know. And she shared with me her own thoughts, which were both surprising and incredibly comforting. This was the longest phone conversation I've had in almost ten years, since my face/jaw started TMSing. It was a huge emotional release.
I still have TMS, and I still have pain (lots), but the kaleidoscope has shifted, and some of the thoughts I've been pummeling myself with are gone. For good.
Bruce, you inspired me to not wait any longer.
Thank you both.

 

[iwire]

Eileen, you were absolutely right on. I called my mom this morning. Once I starting talking, it was almost like I couldn't stop. She was worrying and she did want to know. And she shared with me her own thoughts, which were both surprising and incredibly comforting. This was the longest phone conversation I've had in almost ten years, since my face/jaw started TMSing. It was a huge emotional release.
.

Birder....I am so glad you were able to talk with your mom and that it helped you. Through my MBS work I have discovered that I have spent my adult life protecting my mom--and the rest of my family... from knowing about my worries and fears.... I lost my mom unexpectedly last year before truly giving her the opportunity to support me....but since realizing my tendency to withhold my challenges from those close to me I have been trying to be more honest with the rest of my family. Your message gives me the courage to face that more directly. I hope you continue to heal .....and I deeply appreciate your strength--and your willingness to share....
hugs.....

 

[birder]

Birder....I am so glad you were able to talk with your mom and that it helped you. Through my MBS work I have discovered that I have spent my adult life protecting my mom--and the rest of my family... from knowing about my worries and fears.... I lost my mom unexpectedly last year before truly giving her the opportunity to support me....but since realizing my tendency to withhold my challenges from those close to me I have been trying to be more honest with the rest of my family. Your message gives me the courage to face that more directly. I hope you continue to heal .....and I deeply appreciate your strength--and your willingness to share....
hugs.....

iwire, so sorry to learn about your mom. Ouch. We'll always be daughters trying to show that we've got it handled, that we've made good. This journey of learning and healing has turned out, surprisingly enough, to not be about pain. It's been tough as hell, but we're still here, putting one foot in front of the other. And that says a lot.

 

[iwire]

iwire, so sorry to learn about your mom. Ouch. We'll always be daughters trying to show that we've got it handled, that we've made good. This journey of learning and healing has turned out, surprisingly enough, to not be about pain. It's been tough as hell, but we're still here, putting one foot in front of the other. And that says a lot.

That is so true...all of it. My mom was just like me...or should i say.... I am just like she was. and I am glad to be like her in most ways....but as far as dealing with emotions goes... I want to teach my children something different... which means I need to learn to do things differently-- one step forward at a time....