When true physical symptoms become mental

[Marla]

Hi, haven't written on here in a long time. I was doing really well and if issues came up I knew how to not attach to them and they usually went away. Then few months ago actually 11 weeks ago today I tripped over my golden retriever not paying attention and fell down hard and fractured my hip. I had emergency full hip replacement and have been recovering ever since. Before the operation I was walking my dog miles every day, going on short hikes, going to better bones and balance gym class and doing yoga. Was feeling pretty much the best in decades. Then surgeon told me I would have long recovery because of fracture and how they have to cut muscles during operation. I had all these expectations since I was in great shape before, I did everything they told me to do and was progressing fine until last 4 weeks as I have moved more my muscles which are healing are very sore. I started pt at 7 weeks and first guy gave me too much to do and overworked my muscles. I haven't been able since then to get to soreness to go away. I found myself doing everything I know in mindbody not to do, checking for help online, in books, becoming completely obsessed and thinking about my body and muscle pain all day.

Even though this is a true physical thing, it's become mental with my obsession about it and fear that I am not getting better. Surgeon said at last appt 6 weeks with xray all is healing fine, sore muscles are normal and can last for months. I was hoping someone can tell me how I can go back to trusting my body again and stopping the fear? I feel like if I keep this up it could become chronic and I want to stop those scary thoughts.

 

[Cactusflower]

Hi Marla:
I think you are in a place many TMS-ers hope they won't be. Sorry for your fall.
Hips take some time to heal, and I would imagine that you are experiencing muscle pain because you are using the muscle as it is trying to knit. Please give yourself some grace and time to heal. Your body has been though a lot!
Have you tried meditation? That might give you a little peace of mind, and a bit of training to be able to move your mind away from rumination topics and worry. I found it incredibly helpful and now I can more easily re-focus on other things instead of the symptoms when they are trying to get more attention.
You might also try writing down your worries and frustrations, thinking also about personality traits that might make you apply a little more self-pressure to heal quickly. I find a short writing exercise can be helpful to weed out some of the emotions I might be carrying that I don't realize or don't want to realize I'm carrying. Your doctor seems to be giving you some great and helpful guidance. How do you feel towards your PT - especially after they gave you more than you could handle? Have you tried talking to them about your anxieties and worries and how, in the past you could get really caught up in symptoms? Perhaps from a nervous system perspective?

I'm dealing with some medical health issues right now, and I understand the worry. I keep re-framing things from my Dr.'s perspective: he has some concern but not any worry and is simply making sure I am seeing the right type of specialist. Sounds like your Dr. is offering you the same.

 

[Marla]

I should try meditation, I miss yoga but can't do it. I only had that pt guy first time, then they switched me to a lady and she lowered my exercises. She is fine. I didn't mention it but daughter and I have trip planned to Kauai in June for my birthday and closer it gets the more freaked out I am that I am not good enough to go. I think the trip is what's causing me not to have patience and worry for future. I decided today to relax for a few weeks and if I am not better by mid May I will cancel. Dr told me he thought I would be fine by June.

 

[Booble]

You absolutely CAN go back to trusting your body. Your doctor seems very pleased with your progress. That's great!
I think if you read this story from someone else you would read this part, "I have moved more my muscles which are healing are very sore" and you'd say, "OF COURSE THEY ARE!!!

I like Cactus' advice about doing a short writing exercise. Let yourself be angry at the situation, angry at your dog for being in the way (even though it wasn't the dog's fault your inner self can still be angry). Generally angry that this split second fall has set you back. Angry that all your good efforts and you still broke a hip. Angry that the damn bone and balance class didn't prevent it. All that is worth having a little private tantrum about. It may not be polite to be angry about things that are nobody's fault and we may be told to put on a happy face but we are human and anger is a real emotion that, per Sarno, we are not supposed to squash.

This is going to sound weird but I'll tell you anyways in case it helps. I have had "chats" (in writing) with my immune system. One time when I was doing writing, "talking" to my inner self, and my immune system popped in to the conversation tell me to STOP trying to take control. It said to trust that it was doing its job and that my backseat driving was getting in the way. And boy that is so true. We can't do or control all the biochemical or whatever processes take place in the healing. We don't have conscious control over our blood cells and other things. That all works behind the scenes. When we try to control it we get in the way.
So give yourself a break. Let your body do what it needs to do and can do. Don't put it on time schedule. Let it be. And let our amazing bodies do the miraculous things it knows how to do without our conscious thought.

Good luck!

 

[Cactusflower]

"daughter and I have trip planned to Kauai in June for my birthday and closer it gets the more freaked out I am"

Ah, I was there. The first few trips I went on (including one in the very worst of my symptoms) was a challenge, but I was so glad I went. The anxiety and worry leading up to the travel was pretty rough, but the trip itself was OK. Once we got there, there was some relief because I now could not control what happened - and that was actually really freeing and also allowed me to reflect on how much I was trying to control everything. The trip itself was pretty relaxing because my symptoms called out to have plenty of time for relaxation.

I should try meditation, I miss yoga but can't do it.

There are probably forms of yoga you can absolutely do. About 13-14 years ago when I had TMS (but didn't realize it was TMS) I was doing fairly well with the help of a wonderful pilates instructor. After my class we found that there was a Yin Yoga class for people with movement challenges right next door. It was amazing! With bolsters and pillows we relaxed to music or guided meditation. They offered the floor on thicker mats, a low table or a higher table depending on participant needs - even wheelchair users came to the class. Unfortunately, where I live now it's not offered, but you might be able to find something near you.

 

[Booble]

"daughter and I have trip planned to Kauai in June for my birthday and closer it gets the more freaked out I am"
Ah, I was there. The first few trips I went on (including one in the very worst of my symptoms) was a challenge, but I was so glad I went. The anxiety and worry leading up to the travel was pretty rough, but the trip itself was OK. Once we got there, there was some relief because I now could not control what happened - and that was actually really freeing and also allowed me to reflect on how much I was trying to control everything. The trip itself was pretty relaxing because my symptoms called out to have plenty of time for relaxation."

YES. A thousand times yes. The idea of a trip always sounds wonderful and then the closer it gets the more fear you get. Symptoms get worse. New symptoms arise. Your brain tells you THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN DO THIS. And the more you persist because you know you HAVE to the more your body will join in with your brain and say, "no so fast, bucko. take this! KaPow! Bam!" you ain't going nowhere!"

There was a previous post on in this form about a guy successfully going on a long, long camping hike. Like Appalachian trail or something like it. He immediately got some kind of pain I think it was in his foot or leg. He told his body he is going to continue the trip no matter what whether in pain or not and over time even though he was putting in more effort that should cause more pain it started to vanish. I'm not sure I have the story exactly right but something like that. It has really stuck with me because I have been a trip panic person all my life. When we were kids my sister would make funny of me because I would get "car sick" before we even got into the car.
Anyway, point being, you are not alone and a lot of us suffer from being trip sick before the trip. Nine times out of ten. Maybe 10 times out of ten once we go and maybe after a day or two fear and symptoms it all dissipates and we enjoy.

And on a side note, if there is any where to go that is relaxing and rejuvenating it is Kauai. How do I know this? Because I live there!
Let me know if you would like some ideas of beautiful, no stress, places to see and go. Aloha!