When is enough, enough?

Ever since I can remember I used to fret with anxiety at having to speak in public, even reading out loud in class was a nightmare for me. I suffered this with social silent shame that no one else ever really knew about.

In the late nineties I joined Toastmasters, I had been an immigrant here in the states for 10 years I was out of work and needed to present myself with a better image. I attended Toastmasters for 5 years and improved enough to help with interviews and get a job. I also remember my dysfunctional siblings coerced me into giving two eulogies at my father’s funeral. I remember the stress at father’s funeral that was compounded by the tons of speech preparation that kept me awake for two nights.

I no longer fretted when having to speak in public. I had underlying fear, but had a plan to prepare even at one minute’s notice. One upcoming and future speech did bother me though, the retirement one that I had to give when leaving work for the last time; I dreaded it for some unknown reason.

So my retirement day came unexpectedly and with no ceremony or farewell, I was herded with others and walked off the premises in a massive lay off. No speech!

The moral of my story is: “If you fret enough and prepare enough for long enough for something it may never happen”.

 

That's hilarious and kinda horrifying at the same time, Andy! Thanks for an excellent story and an important lesson, to be sure.

And, I hope you're enjoying your retirement! I'm working on mine...

 

Hi Jan,

Actually the original version of my post was indeed horrifying, for while writing about my father’s funeral I jotted down the following thoughts as a footnote. I edited it out because it did not fit in with my humorous intentions.

Footnote:
Sorry Jan, I had to delete the footnote, I see you have read it. Looking at it a second time it did not appear to be very healing. For others reading it was a nasty comment about my twin brother, and the truth hurts as I am as nasty as he for posting it. Hope you understand.

Jan, retirement is truly wonderful. It took a year for me to acclimatize and realize it was really true! You have no obligations, no boss, and as a CPA I am sure no financial difficulties. In that year I reduced stock market exposure organized Pensions, Medicare and Social Security. I created a monthly budget in Excel that really works. Sheila and I have wrapped everything up in four custom Excel files that need very minor attention.

When I joined the TMS help forum in 2012 I was shocked to find how little I knew about TMS, I had gone 12 years without even reading TMS book. Retirement allowed me to think for the first time in years about myself and who I am. You will love it.