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What to tell people when have a flare up?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by KevinB, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. KevinB

    KevinB Well known member

    Hello all,

    Wondering how people have handled others during a TMS flare up. That is, with people close to me, most know about TMS now, so if they notice me walking funny or stiff and ask what's up, I just tell them I'm having a flare up. But with others, coworkers and the like, what does one say when they ask "are you OK? What's wrong with you? etc." Obviously not going to go into the entire TMS conversation with these people, so does one simply say "I'm having some back issues" or something to that effect?

    Thanks for sharing your experience.
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2018
  2. Huckleberry

    Huckleberry Well known member

    I just say I’m not feeling too clever and leave it at that.

    Semi related but it only occurred to me recently that I’d got to 50 years of age before realising that generally even though people ask if you are ok etc they don’t actually care. They are only really doing it because of a) it’s a social convention b) they are concerned that it’s them that is making you grumpy or whatever.

    Call me cynical and jaded if you must. I’m not listening. ;)
    KevinB and Homestead Hermit like this.
  3. Homestead Hermit

    Homestead Hermit Peer Supporter

    OMG @Huckleberry I feel the same way! I always assume I'm cynical, too. I know people mean well, but everyone doesn't need to know everything about you, especially if you don't care to share or don't know how to answer.

    (On a side note, this TMS work has made other issues pop up, especially regarding "societal expectations." I realized, had an a-ha moment, that I HATE responding when people ask me how I am or how my day was. I told my hubby not to feel offended if I don't answer if he asks, I know he's interested. But I just don't know how to answer. My emotional state shifts drastically throughout the day, it's never good or bad, it's everything...and everything in between, lol. I've decided my reply will be "I'm all 4 seasons in one day" if people ask. They don't need to know the particulars)

    @KevinB I don't believe they need to know all the details. I'd simply reply "No worries...I'm just working through something." Unless you get the wiff someone might actually be interested in your TMS story (which I've found to be rare) and it may help them, then share away! I've found in Western society people think they have to share everything when asked about something, that we are OBLIGATED to do this. We aren't (unless you are moved to do so). Just come up with a reply that suits you...you might even tell them "Thanks for asking/caring." (Though, like Huckleberry, I don't believe they are always guenuinely interested...it's just the 'polite' thing to do.)
    KevinB likes this.

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