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What to say when people ask.

Ana321

Ana321

Peer Supporter
Hey guys,

Many ups and downs on this journey. I feel like im always posting in a defeated kind of light but I usually post when things are a bit rough.

Recovered from that major flare up and have been sort of getting on but pain is always there to some extent. I'm proud of the fact that I'm going to the gym regularly and living life by being social and hanging out with people as best l can but one thing is really upsetting me and that's when people ask me if im limping.

I wish I could go into all the details of how I'm learning to get to know myself and this is a process but when people put me on the spot after a dinner or when I'm out with them and just come out and ask me if I'm limping and how my hips are I get really defeated.. I'm only in my early 20's and I am really starting to figure out why I need the pain so badly and everything that goes along with it but I'm not there yet and it crushes me when people point the limp out.

Any advice on how I could possibly handle it? Tms hits me hard with walking, I can do burpees when I train and yet a simple activity like walking is constantly a challenge for me, particularly the limp. I just want to be kind to myself regardless but I really don't know how to deal when people ask me.l and I don't want to hate myself for being in pain.

Just need some advice.

Ana
 
Ana, I can completely resonate with your post. I'm quite new to this but here are my thoughts....

I had a major flare up recently and it makes you question everything. I was in bed shouting at my brain, I got my Kindle out at 3am and started reading Steve O's book again and pain reduced significantly! I also walk with a bad limp, on some days I can barely walk and other days I am almost nimble. I put this down to conditioning and my body doing it's auto pilot response. I hate it when people ask me how my back is, why I am limping etc.

You are on the right path. Keep going with thinking side also. The fact you are at the gym doing burpees and doing wider gym stuff regularly shows you are making great progress. Be proud of that, wider healing will come. Recognise your progress and if you are doing burpees and other gym then it must be a conditional response when walking? I keep re-enforcing this by doing gym everyday and increasing intensity when I can. Its slowly sinking in that how can I swim, mountain bike, do chin ups but not walk! You are the same path, please remember be proud of what you've achieved, you are making great progress, but sometimes hard to see with the pain blinkers on!
Take care
Richard
 
Ana firstly you're doing great!

I totally understand your feeling that you need to explain but you know what you don't!! Perhaps get comfortable with saying oh that no big deal and smile. If the person is smart they will stop right there. The interesting thing is...is someone asking from concern or just their own curiosity.

For you the lesson may be NO need to explain yourself. Something I work on continuously!

Warmly, Susan
 
Ana, I find that the best way to stop someone from asking about my health is to divert their attention onto themselves. Ask how they feel and what they're doing to stay well. For most people, their favorite subject is themself. Just look at Facebook where people tell the world where they are having lunch. I laugh because while they're out, someone may be breaking into their house.
 
I have the hip pain too. And walking is oddly difficult at times for me as well. Sounds like you are doing very well with being physically active and staying social. I really understand the "ugh" feeling when someone asks about my back or hips. I don't like it either. What if you said "Yep! I do limp sometimes but its temporary and I'm getting better all the time". Then just stop the conversation there. If they push it then change the subject or say "talking about it isn't helpful for me right now".

You got this!!! Keep going! You are strong!
 
Hey all,

Thank you so much for the responses.

I actually am noticing the amount of conditioning, i mean, i am also doing yoga yet walking continues to be an issue. Reinforcing this is conditioning helps but i slip back into old habits a lot although i intend to keep working on this.

I think a big part of it all is learning to not have to explain myself and being able to say no to people, some ask out of curiosity and some out of concern but either way it is heartbreaking considering i know my truth and how hard i am working and yet it can seem like i'm making such little progress to the world around me.

I like the idea of just brushing it off and saying yes i limp sometimes but it's no big deal, i think i am going to go ahead with that the next time someone asks. I suppose everyone's greatest fear is that of being rejected but i'm starting to realise that no one is rejecting me, i am rejecting myself and i just want to approach it with more compassion and kindness even though it's really hard.

A huge issue is being able to say no to people, the impulse to never say no to an outing or anyone is so strong. I find it difficult to differentiate whether or not i don't want to go out with friends because i don't like certain people i'm going out with or because i am obsessing over the TMS and the pain. That is another issue of mine.

Thanks again for all the responses guys.
 
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