What to do when you need to "suck it up"

[AC45]

Hello Fellow TMSers,

We are supposed to feel our feelings vs suppress them. However, sometimes you need to "suck it up" if you are dealing with a difficult client, a boss or a co-worker. I am not saying you should do this all of the time but sometimes silence vs engaging inappropriately is called for.

How do you "feel your feelings" so they don't get lodged in your body without engaging verbally with that difficult client (or whoever)? I get how we should be assertive in an appropriate way. But, what about the times when silence is golden and you know it?

Can we be silent and not make our TMS worse? I searched in the "ask a therapist" section and I did not see a question quite like this. (I would love any pointers if I missed a good thread on this).

Thx,
AC45

 

[balto]

Hi AC45, I don't know how "feel our feelings" or "suck it up" will do any good for us. Both of them would just bring misery, pain, and unpleasant feelings. If I were you I would just tell myself: Hey, he is a difficult person to deal with, but it is part of my job to deal with him. I will just be professional and do my best to deal with him/her, then move one to the next customer. It won't kill you. It is part of life. We all have to deal with the unpleasant "thing" or people in our life. It won't hurt us, what can hurt us is what we think about it afterward. What do the most damage to our health is hold on to negative thought after an event. If after that customer leave and you tell yourself: "man, I feel sorry for his wife who has to live with him", then smile and move on to the next customer, then you will be fine. But if after he left and you cussed him, you talk bad about him, you keep thinking about him all day and wish he would die or get run over by a car... then you will be the one who get hurt, not him.
What is happening in our life can not hurt us. What we think about it all day will.
My 2 cents.

 

[Ellen]

Feeling your feelings doesn't mean you have to express your feelings to others. Just be aware of how you're feeling. Whether or not to share these feelings with others is a decision that is made based on what is best for that particular situation.

 

[AC45]

Hi AC45, I don't know how "feel our feelings" or "suck it up" will do any good for us. Both of them would just bring misery, pain, and unpleasant feelings. If I were you I would just tell myself: Hey, he is a difficult person to deal with, but it is part of my job to deal with him. I will just be professional and do my best to deal with him/her, then move one to the next customer. It won't kill you. It is part of life. We all have to deal with the unpleasant "thing" or people in our life. It won't hurt us, what can hurt us is what we think about it afterward. What do the most damage to our health is hold on to negative thought after an event. If after that customer leave and you tell yourself: "man, I feel sorry for his wife who has to live with him", then smile and move on to the next customer, then you will be fine. But if after he left and you cussed him, you talk bad about him, you keep thinking about him all day and wish he would die or get run over by a car... then you will be the one who get hurt, not him.
What is happening in our life can not hurt us. What we think about it all day will.
My 2 cents.

Thanks Balto!! Great perspective.

 

[AC45]

Feeling your feelings doesn't mean you have to express your feelings to others. Just be aware of how you're feeling. Whether or not to share these feelings with others is a decision that is made based on what is best for that particular situation.

Thanks Ellen! I really appreciate your thoughts!

 

[TheKingAdRock]

Feeling your feelings doesn't mean you have to express your feelings to others. Just be aware of how you're feeling. Whether or not to share these feelings with others is a decision that is made based on what is best for that particular situation.

exactly this. you might want to vent later in another way such as journaling or talking to a friend who doesn't mind hearing your problems.

 

[AC45]

Thank you TheKingAdRock!