What to do when it REALLY HURTS - any "hacks"?

[WesternShores]

I'm on Day 8 of the Structured Education Program, first heard of Sarno / TMS a little less than a month ago.

I think TMS treatment is the solution for me, and I feel like I'm making progress.

My question is this: what do others do when it REALLY HURTS. Like, when the pain gets overwhelming, it can be mentally exhausting to fight it in the ways I've seen TMS practitioners describe: talking to the pain, ignoring the pain, pushing through the pain, etc.

So how much should I be leaning into the pain? What's the mindset I should have?

For example, standing is typically painful for me after a minute or two. The longer I stand, the more painful it gets. How much should I push myself to stand more in order to tell my unconscious "This isn't a problem"? I'm trying to think of it like exercise, but at some point it starts to feel more like torture than therapy.

What are the rules of thumb for those who have had success recovering from TMS?

 

[Rabscuttle]

Faith that it will end, not engaging in the doom and spiral, trying to find joy. If you can push through the pain then go for it. Everyone is different, depends on your foundation, the main thing is to avoid panic and spiral. As long as we don’t go down the everything is fucked route, then eventually the severity is going to ease up.

 

[WesternShores]

"don't go down the everything is fucked route"

Love this and a great reminder. I have a major case of the Mondays this morning, but the funny thing is I'm feeling kinda OK physically. I wonder if it's another way my unconscious is attacking me to prevent me from achieving full healing.

Crazy what a mental game this whole thing is.

THANK YOU

 

[Rabscuttle]

"don't go down the everything is fucked route"

Love this and a great reminder. I have a major case of the Mondays this morning, but the funny thing is I'm feeling kinda OK physically. I wonder if it's another way my unconscious is attacking me to prevent me from achieving full healing.

Crazy what a mental game this whole thing is.

THANK YOU

It’s really common that when physical symptoms decrease we get waves of mental ones-anxiety depression, negative thought patterns. It’s really crucial to push back against these, you’re really trying to prove to your brain that you don’t need it’s ‘protection’ and if when symptoms are low you fall into old habits or negative thought patterns you’re conveying mixed signals.

 

[Cactusflower]

"fight it"

There is your misconception. What TMS specialists talk about is doing the things you mention: "talking to the pain, ignoring the pain, pushing through the pain" (I'd say it is not a PUSHING or a shoving through the pain, it is being with the pain which is completely different mindset) with self-compassion, caring and kindess towards yourself. No fighting.

It IS hard, it sucks, and is very challenging. Most likely you've either been pushing/shoving/forcing your way through the pain in the past, or "ignoring" it in a way that you don't listen to the hardness and struggle of it all and feel the emotion of that struggle in your physical body (focusing purely on the symptom), or talking to yourself in a way that is forceful and lacking compassion. I think these are things most of us have done, and why flipping the script is so challenging. Our brain isn't used to us being kind to ourselves.

An example: I have a LOT of plants. At some point in my early discovery of TMS I could not walk and was bed ridden. Yet the plants were important and gave me something other than the pain to think about and to care about. So daily I'd get up with a tiny watering can and fill it like 1/4 of the way full and water 2-3 plants. It was excruciating to do. Eventually I had to do it by going up and down a flight of stairs (and at this point I even needed assistance to shower and get off the toilet). Then there were the zillions of outdoor plants Instead of dragging the heavy hose around and watering everything all at once (or demanding someone else do it) I found a way to get the job done bit by bit with some compassion towards myself and my pain. Kindness allowed me to take it step by step. However what I did was kept going and did some, proving daily to my brain that I could do it, even if it was trying to keep me safe from doing anything at all.
There is a balance. You don't want to be a hostage to your mind and body. You don't want to be a victim of your circumstance but you also want to convey a message of peace and safety within yourself to keep up the momentum of moving forward. This is just a normal phase of healing and it will pass. Leave the "musts and should's and have to's" behind, and consider that what some TMS therapists say you might not speak to you personally, or that they may be saying it in a way that you aren't ready to hear yet. TMS can really alter our perceptions but that will change too, as your mind becomes more comfortable with new concepts and ideas.

One of the most valuable things my TMS coach told me was to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and understand that this is a temporary state. Get comfortable with the emotional discomfort, the sensations of emotions (which most of us don't desire to feel), the symptoms, and the changing of old concepts that no longer work for us.

 

[feduccini]

How much should I push myself to stand more in order to tell my unconscious "This isn't a problem"? I'm trying to think of it like exercise, but at some point it starts to feel more like torture than therapy.

The idea is to step out of your comfort zone, but not too much that the pain would make you frustrated. Small walks inside, then you venture outside more and more. And with time you start getting cocky and not caring that much if your mind overreacts.

And this is a moving threshold actually. Don't feel the pressure to always do better.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I'm on Day 8 of the Structured Education Program, first heard of Sarno / TMS a little less than a month ago.

I think TMS treatment is the solution for me, and I feel like I'm making progress.

My question is this: what do others do when it REALLY HURTS. Like, when the pain gets overwhelming, it can be mentally exhausting to fight it in the ways I've seen TMS practitioners describe: talking to the pain, ignoring the pain, pushing through the pain, etc.

So how much should I be leaning into the pain? What's the mindset I should have?

For example, standing is typically painful for me after a minute or two. The longer I stand, the more painful it gets. How much should I push myself to stand more in order to tell my unconscious "This isn't a problem"? I'm trying to think of it like exercise, but at some point it starts to feel more like torture than therapy.

What are the rules of thumb for those who have had success recovering from TMS?

Honest answer: there aren't really hacks.

I'm not sure if you've read "The Way Out" but there Alan Gordon talks about the panic stage to some extent being inevitable. Don't try to fight human nature too much, you're not supposed to enjoy pain.

All I would expect from someone is to keep reassuring themselves that this is "just TMS" and that they are ok/there's nothing wrong structurally. That's the only sort of pressure I'd ever put anyone under, otherwise brave the storm and like Rabscuttle said take any comfort you can from knowing it will end. Also, you don't have to become an expert in handling and bearing pain, that almost implies that you'll need to in the long term (your subconscious is always listening). You don't have to bear pain if you have no pain! Better to get rid of it than become too comfortable with it

 

[WesternShores]

Thanks everyone! Really appreciate all of the perspectives offered to me here. Last night falling asleep had a TON of pain, the most I've had yet. Didn't panic, and I think it was an extinction burst. I think my TMS guard is starting to worry I'm going to escape...the pain wasn't fun, but strangely, I feel good about the fact that it happened. I think that's progress!

 

[Diana-M]

what do others do when it REALLY HURTS. Like, when the pain gets overwhelming

Western,
I just try really hard to remind myself that this will always pass. The spikes in pain pass. So I wait it out. I try to meditate, because this soothes my nervous system and loosens my whole body, diminishing pain. I tell myself it’s ok. (This especially works well during the night.) I stop judging it. I basically stay calm. The pain will ebb and flow, even as you’re slowly getting better. It’s not always neat and tidy and explainable. It’s sometimes random. All part of the journey.

 

[BloodMoon]

An example: I have a LOT of plants. At some point in my early discovery of TMS I could not walk and was bed ridden. Yet the plants were important and gave me something other than the pain to think about and to care about. So daily I'd get up with a tiny watering can and fill it like 1/4 of the way full and water 2-3 plants. It was excruciating to do. Eventually I had to do it by going up and down a flight of stairs (and at this point I even needed assistance to shower and get off the toilet). Then there were the zillions of outdoor plants Instead of dragging the heavy hose around and watering everything all at once (or demanding someone else do it) I found a way to get the job done bit by bit with some compassion towards myself and my pain. Kindness allowed me to take it step by step. However what I did was kept going and did some, proving daily to my brain that I could do it, even if it was trying to keep me safe from doing anything at all.
There is a balance. You don't want to be a hostage to your mind and body. You don't want to be a victim of your circumstance but you also want to convey a message of peace and safety within yourself to keep up the momentum of moving forward.

Such a meaningful example!

What you shared really reminds me of Viktor Frankl—a Holocaust survivor, neurologist, and psychiatrist—in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. He showed how, even in unimaginable suffering like the camps, people endure by finding purpose in small, intentional acts — not by erasing pain, but by shifting their relationship to it.

Your plants example captures that perfectly. It was excruciating and demanding real effort, yet you chose to care for something meaningful, bit by bit, with compassion toward yourself. That creates purpose while signaling to the brain that life engagement is still safe.

It’s not “pushing through”—it’s coexisting with discomfort through purposeful action, just as Frankl described.

 

[Diana-M]

people endure by finding purpose in small, intentional acts — not by erasing pain, but by shifting their relationship to it.

So wise and true. I love what you did, cactus! You’re such a great example. You and blood moon!

 

[Ellen]

TMS thrives on negative attention. Try to shift your attention to something that engages you, that you can immerse yourself in. Or you can change the kind of attention you give to your TMS by switching to mindfulness, where you observe the sensations, but without the judgment we usually bring to it. Alan Gordon calls this Somatic Tracking, but it is the same thing. Both methods take some practice, but work well.