What if it's not painful?

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here in awhile. It's been a very tough year. I have been bed ridden for most of it, but it hasn't been because of pain. Honestly, throughout my life, pain hasn't been much of a factor. Which is why I think it's been so tough working through this as though it's TMS. I don't see very many stories when it doesn't involve pain. I have been going to therapy and they encouraged me to keep going that route because they do believe this is anxiety induced.

My symptoms are very fear based. I am terrified of my posture, it has always been pretty bad for someone of a young age, so I tried for a very long time to be aware of it and fix it, but that always caused more pain. I was aware of how i sat, stood, walked, everything and I would start to feel these horrible feelings, like my legs were going to snap under my weight even though I'm skinny. I felt if I sat wrong, my neck would snap, or my muscles/bones would break. I would watch how I walked and would be afraid of my knees collapsing from under me. It got to a point where I was so terrified of affecting my body, that I just gave up and stopped getting out of bed for more than five minutes at a time, because bed was the only 'safe' posture I had left, laying on my back. I have lived this way for almost a year and I just don't know if this could be considered tms. Everytime I go to read Sarno's book, or listen to stories. I get discouraged because I don't feel like my type of problem is included.

 

Just keep trying everything you can and you will find what works for you. Try not to look at the differences but to look for the similarities and what makes you feel better. If you find even the littlest thing that works then focus on that and keep building.

 

Thanks Kevin. I'm just wondering if this could even be related to TMS? Can a non pain symptom be TMS?

 

I am new to this TMS recovery myself so I am in no way an expert. But I have been thinking recently about how tricky the mind is and how it can create all kinds of ways to debilitate us. I am always amazed at the different ways that my mind will come up with new things. And in your case, even though there is no pain it seems to me that your symptom can certainly be in the TMS mix because what you are exhibiting is one of the classic symptoms of the flight or fight response which we sometimes forget about and that is to freeze. And even though there is no physical pain it is certainly very painful for sure. But everybody is different and you really must be the only person that comes to an understanding of what it is to you. So just play with what I've said and then translate it into what works for you. Take what you need and leave the rest. And if just the smallest thing works for you and makes the smallest change hold on to that and then look for the next smallest change. The key for me is just keep going, just keep moving forward no matter what. And sometimes if I am just standing still that is moving forward. Because no matter what, I know that I am doing the best I can with I got . . . but sometimes I might not have much. Cheers!

 

Thank you again Kevin. I will just treat this as TMS and try not to get discouraged. At this point in my life (Being mostly home and bed bound) it won't hurt anything to give tms work my all. Maybe there are a whole host of different TMS symptoms that aren't even known about.

 

I am not sure if you have seen it Roxy but there is a new book by TMS doctor-- Howard Schubiner called Unlearn your Anxiety and Depression. I haven't read this book but he says it follows the same principles as the Unlearn your Pain book.... My symptoms are not pain either...and I have for sure been diagnosed with mind body syndrome.... Do you still see a TMS doctor? It seems like that could help.... Sending you encouraging thoughts.

 

Thank you! I will check that out

 

Yes! Read this

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/getting-to-the-heart-of-tms.6095/ (Alan G. - Getting to the heart of TMS)

 

Thank you so so much!! He helped to really confirm what I've been searching for. I've always had a suspicion that things like hypochondria and even eating disorders could be TMS. My mom had pretty bad body dysmorphic disorder and i saw a lot of TMS personality in her. I guess it's just harder to see it in ourselves.

 

My husband has even told me that I don't need pain, because what I suffer from scares me enough..

 

Exactly! And don’t be surprised if you get some aches and pains along the way - symptom imperative!

 

Many thanks lovely Ewok. That was an excellent read, duly bookmarked.

 

Sarno discusses that in Healing Back Pain. He calls it Physicophobia... if the fear of doing something keeps me from doing stuff and is occupying my mind 100% of the time than It has my complete attention ...He says for practical matters it is MORE effective than pain as a distractor. You could call it TMS perfected. Complete Fear. Total preoccupation with even leaving bed.

It sounds like OCD... the irrational fear of impossible things. When I was 9 or 10 years old I used to spend about 10-20 minutes each night before I went to bed prodding my eye sockets with the blunt edge of a butter knife because I thought my eyes were going to roll out of my head in my sleep! OCD.

..and TMS is synonymous with OCD. Ultimately ALL of these diagnoses are just Distractions. We have ACRONYMITIS. Ptsd, ocd, tms, aca.... HELP!

We are NOT these problems. They are here to distract us. When we take ownership (as much as we can stand) and stick a flashlight down there it is NEVER as scary as our cowardly subconscious wants us to think it is...period.

Our collective agnosticism as a society has us looking around Dr.s offices for cures that we could find in a Church, mosque or Pogoda.... Or as JC says, under a stone!

Arise. Walk. Fall. Get up again. 13.8 billion years of evolution....God didn't get out of bed so we have to live in fear.

 

Dear Roxygirl577, I had to reply as I have been in the same boat, you are definitely not alone! For the last 15 years, I have had what Baseball65 describes - a fear of movement, but with very little pain. I am a pianist and had numerous little bits of "tendonitis" which were not really painful, but I was really scared I was damaging my body and that I wouldn't be able to play the piano again. It got really bad at one point and I was over-guarding my right hand so much I was hardly doing anything with it. I was diagnosed with OCD as I literally thought I had injured myself if I walked through a door without even touching it., and had to go back and check several times how I had walked through the door. I am certain this is TMS, and Sarno does mention OCD and fear of movement in his books. My whole life , career, piano playing and everything was affected. Gradually over time my anxiety waned, and I got better little by little. Hypnosis was a help in the beginning, and later getting married seemed to increase my sense of safety enough for me to get much more normal. Anxiety has now gone on to the back burner and I am now dealing with what might be a TMS equivalent - allover body nerve pains - and trying to get over my doubts about that. TMS is a beast sometimes!

I just want to say as regards the anxiety, you can overcome it, you can do it. Do whatever you can to get started and to increase your sense of safety and self-worth, hypnosis for the fear of injury is good for a boost to get things going as it bypasses all the conscious mind's resistance. Your body is fine, it is tough and strong, your posture is normal, normal activity cannot hurt you. Where I came unstuck is that physiotherapists would give me all sorts of rules to stick to, like "only do things that hurt for a few days, more than that is bad" or, "pace your activities so that your pain stays at the same level and no more". B******s. I would get so OCD about sticking to the rules I would just get in a huge OCD tangle about what I could and couldn't do. There is only one rule to stick to, your posture is fine, and your body is strong, normal activity can't hurt you. Period. Nudge your boundaries, get active little by little but don't give it a single thought about getting it all "right". Whatever you do will be fine. Sending you all good wishes, S.

 

Thank you so much Baseball and Stradivarius for helping me an sharing your stories!! It helps me so much to know that I'm not alone in my OCD's and fears. I have had different ones my whole life and each one has been pretty equal in keeping me paralyzed with fear. I ordered Schubiner's book Unlearn your Anxiety and Depression and I have hope it will help me a lot to have something that fits me and my symptoms more. Thank you so much again everyone! This site gives me the hope and nudge I need and I know I need to do the rest of the work and fight this

 

With me it is all about fear. When I think of it fear is more real than the pain because when I get rid of the pain I still have the fear. I must remember that getting rid of the pain is not getting rid of the fear. After I get rid of the pain I have to continually fight on a daily basis to get rid of the fear. I must do the things that will counter act my fear. An “in the moment” example of this for me is I am in the midst of a big move physically, moving to a different country. Before I discovered TMS I bought an expensive roller to massage pressure points. I also have a lot of different shaped balls that I have collected over the years for pressure points. I not only don’t need this stuff anymore but it will take up a lot of space in my luggage. Originally I had planned to take it with me. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would continue to carry around these things that I did not need anymore. After thinking about it for a while I realized that what is behind this is my basic fear of never having enough and fear of losing what I have. After I made the decision to give all of these things to a trainer that I know it helped with not only confronting my fear but also freeing up some much needed space in my luggage. Looking back I can really see how my desire to hang on to these things is all about my fear and being able to recognize this and let them go really helps with my TMS.

 

Think of it this way. You have a problem. You know you fear something that you shouldn’t. That’s not good or normal. Let’s say it’s not TMS, which I doubt. Working the program could solve this problem for you! Wouldn’t that be great?

You should go into it without expectations. It works or it doesn’t. Don’t put hope into it, but do it correctly. If you could stop caring about these things you would be just fine. You have to not fear it. Eventually you have to just not care if you feel this way. You are going to live a life you desire. Good luck.