Day 7 What if circumstances don't change?

[oceana15]

I have this lingering question... what happens if my pain and/or anxiety is exacerbated, or even caused, by a particular situation in my life? For example, if someone's job or relationship is the source of a lot of repressed negative emotions, can that person get better even without leaving that job or relationship? Do we need to rearrange our lives to heal? Or can we heal just by feeling and expressing our emotions, without caring so much about what other people will think or do?

 

[Gigi]

Hi Oceana. I think the key to healing from TMS is first to realize that emotions are driving the train and start to address them. Second, reprogram your subC so that you're able to feel the emotions and deal with them, rather than feel the physical pain.
Sarno stated that awareness was they key. In some cases, people have sought healthier situations in their lives, but I don't think you need to overhaul your life in order to heal from TMS. Sometimes changing the way you respond to a situation is enough.
Blessings on your journey.

 

[Sean]

I have this lingering question... what happens if my pain and/or anxiety is exacerbated, or even caused, by a particular situation in my life?YES For example, if someone's job or relationship is the source of a lot of repressed negative emotions, can that person get better even without leaving that job or relationship? YESDo we need to rearrange our lives to heal?REARRANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT THE TMS Or can we heal just by feeling and expressing our emotions, without caring so much about what other people will think or do?YES

The TMS/MBS Approach will work...it takes a bit of sorting psychologically/mentally/emotionally. Also try runningpain.com

 

[oceana15]

Thanks for your replies! Gigi, I feel relieved by hearing you say I don't need to "overhaul" my life. I think that maybe this fear that "if I don't change EVERYTHING immediately, the pain will never go away" is just another obstacle I need to overcome on the road to recovery.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Oceana. As always, Gigi and Sean give excellent advice. I echo it to you.

As for a job causing us anxiety or pain, I've been there. I had a job I hated, with a big insurance company's public relations department. I should have known it was the wrong job for me, since I am very independent and corporate life was a sham to me, full of phonies. I stayed an agonizing three years and finally quit. I became a self-employed freelance writer and have been doing that for half of my 85 years. It is an uncertain way to make a living but I love the freedom.
I know it's not possible for most people to become self-employed, so I suggest that they, and probably you, try to live with the job situation but do things evenings and weekends that you enjoy. A hobby or exercise, or some volunteer work, maybe at a hospital or senior center or with kids or animals. If you're creative, write a book. Books can be published free now in paperback and Kindle Internet editions at www.createspace.com

With relationship problems, I find that forgiving is the best solution. I put myself mentally in other people's shoes and soon discover that they have TMS pain of their own, from repressed emotions and/or a perfectionist or "goodist" personality.

Forgiving and/or adjusting ourselves emotionally helps to heal pain. We don't have to drastically change ourselves, must modify a little. Pain and anxiety I have found come from how we react to life's stresses. Life is full of them. When I can 't deal with them any other way, I laugh at them. Laughing relases endorphins that make us feel better and happier.

You are still early in the SEProgram. Keep going and you will reap its benefits, as I and thousands of others have. Have a great day! The thing is not to take anything too seriously, except a dog's love.

 

[oceana15]

Hi Walt! Thank you so much for your lovely advice and words of wisdom. I'm actually getting my PhD right now, and I thought (for a very long time) that I wanted to become a professor, more than anything. After quite a few years in academia as a student and teaching assistant, I'm realizing this is a really dysfunctional, competitive, and stressful environment. My personality is not well-suited for this at all! So now, as I finish writing my dissertation, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to support myself. I want to do something rewarding and challenging but that also brings me peace and allows me to be free and to express myself. I do love to teach, so I might go in that direction -- just not in higher education. Anyway, I guess this is all part of my journey of self-discovery.