Day 17 What I am finding *not* helpful; or what I am struggling with

[Iravati]

I have found the dialogue technique the most challenging to work with.

My foundational fear and psychological challenge that I deal with is a sense of being unseen and unheard. So if I try to do a dialogue with a person, I run into a silence. They will not have a response after a few back and forth They will disappear from my life. I have no way of holding on to them. The dialogue becomes just me rehashing my frustrations over and over again and getting stuck in the loop again.

My headache has blossomed as I tried to work through this; I forget what we are supposed to do when we feel these pain feelings. Its Day 17 and all the advice has merged together and become blurry.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

if I try to do a dialogue with a person, I run into a silence. They will not have a response after a few back and forth They will disappear from my life. I have no way of holding on to them. The dialogue becomes just me rehashing my frustrations over and over again and getting stuck in the loop again.

@Iravati, could you clarify whether these are real-life situations with people who have hurt you? Or are you trying to have these conversations for your TMS work, such as an emotional writing exercise in the SEP? I feel like I need to know which it is, because my response will be very different between those two things.

That being said, this is an important statement and insight:

My foundational fear and psychological challenge that I deal with is a sense of being unseen and unheard

Have you explored how (and perhaps why) this perception was established during your childhood? It is significant, and it's also experienced in some form by a significant number of people with TMS.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

PS - good job getting to Day 17! Not everyone makes it this far, but those who do, and who do it it with mindfulness and commitment as you are showing, will experience the benefits.

 

[Iravati]

@Iravati, could you clarify whether these are real-life situations with people who have hurt you? Or are you trying to have these conversations for your TMS work, such as an emotional writing exercise in the SEP? I feel like I need to know which it is, because my response will be very different between those two things.

Ah I wasn't very clear. I meant I confront this challenge as I do the recommended writing exercise in the form of a dialogue as part of my TMS work. Some of my current stressors are relationships where people decided they don't want to be a part of my life so I hold back from reaching out to them but it feeds into my negative thoughts.

@Iravati That being said, this is an important statement and insight:

Have you explored how (and perhaps why) this perception was established during your childhood? It is significant, and it's also experienced in some form by a significant number of people with TMS.

Yes, I noticed some of the other folks also struggle with similar feelings. My guess is it comes from my mother but I haven't figured out specific memories or experiences which would have caused this sense of abandonment. I did realize that the fact I'm feeling this resentment around the 'dialogue' type of TMS work means I should probably lean into it a bit more and see where it takes me.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I did realize that the fact I'm feeling this resentment around the 'dialogue' type of TMS work means I should probably lean into it a bit more and see where it takes me.

Another good insight!

Which means that this:

My headache has blossomed as I tried to work through this; I forget what we are supposed to do when we feel these pain feelings. Its Day 17 and all the advice has merged together and become blurry.

is just a sign that your TMS brain is fighting back. I think my response only needs to be this: maybe give yourself a little break, engage in some self-soothing and fear-reducing activities as you start to gently contemplate the vitally important emotion of abandonment (and its cousin, isolation). Our brains are EXTREMELY resistant to going there, because abandonment and isolation, in the primitive world, were literally a threat to our physical survival. Part of your self-soothing will be to remind your irrational primitive brain that in THIS world, you are physically quite safe, and that it's okay to be looking at this stuff and where it came from.

You're doing good work @Iravati!

 

[Iravati]

Thank you @JanAtheCPA, I took it easy for a bit and read up on attachment problems etc. I don't have the final solutions but I feel a bit more grounded and ready to take on more. <3

 

[richard_lt]

Thanks for posting reading of your challenges and story i feel relief from the confusion of m y challenges