Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by eskimoeskimo, Aug 7, 2020.
Hope and optimism is brain boosting
Agreed! And funny you post this now, because I just saw this on IG. It’s a very different kind of success story, but proves the point we’ve been trying to make:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CMn9fvdAroI/?igshid=1wx6odooad15t (Login • Instagram)
This is good stuff. @eskimoeskimo, we've got some concerts to attend once the world starts re-opening.
I'm in Dan's FB group and all I read is feedback from grateful people who say they are doing so much better. There are continuous success stories posted as well on a daily basis. You have an amazing capacity to fixate on the negative @eskimoeskimo. It's an addiction and you worship at the altar of the negative, the way an anorexic loves being a skeleton more than anything else. I definitely think this is OCD and some issue with a rigid mentality you don't want to let go of. You love it too much. Politeness and coddling is not helping you, and all the compassion in the universe won't either. Hillbilly was the only one who had the balls to call it out. You need to re read what he wrote to you and start being honest with yourself. There is a point at which the thought habits and behaviors become self indulgence. Try helping others who are less fortunate. It really gets one out of oneself and fosters gratitude.
Quote by Rumi "That which you seek, is always seeking you."
I couldn’t agree more. He is a self-indulgent fool. I’m astonished at the amount of attention, support and compassion he’s received only to fling it back in people’s faces. I have known a person like this before and they eventually emotionally exhausted everyone (after years and years of incessant selfishness). They are in a home now with dementia, and it is heartbreaking but it didn’t have to be like this. They loved their own woes and expected us all to continuously bring flowers to their false idol (Caroline Myss. She is brilliant).
I believe helping others who suffer with genuinely awful conditions and circumstance would sober him quick smart but I doubt he will do this.
I’m bowing out of this thread now and electing to ignore any further posts he makes. My hope is that other people see clearly the dynamic that had played out and that they harvest the immense wisdom you, @RogueWave and others have invested. This thread has been an example of how to heal and how not to. There is much to learn here for those open to their healing.
“Your mind is a garden.
Your thoughts are the seeds.
You can grow flowers or
you can grow weeds.”
@plum I'm so sorry you felt this way. You've helped so many people on this forum, including myself, especially about sensitivity and the 4F's. Based on your story, it's totally understandable that you have to leave this thread. I still have thin and flimsy boundaries that need lots of reinforcement, but sometimes the helper's high is a bit tempting.
As someone who has been through narcissistic trauma, though, I think there's a difference between genuine malignant narcissism vs. the depression-OCD hole where the most toxicity is for the person affected, though both are difficult for others to deal with. You can choose how engaged you want to get, of course. If someone is just too logical and they don't get the intuitive part of this, that's one thing, but if you feel like you're being treated like an emotional dumping ground that's another. I didn't feel any manipulation or red flags but I don't want to feed unnecessary reassurance seeking either. It's probably better to be safe than sorry in the long run.
TMS can make literally anyone self absorbed (even the nicest empath), but every flare is a chance to change those stubborn habits so we've got to make every moment count.
Hi @Balsa11 ,
Paul Harvey was a radio broadcaster years ago, who would recount the backstory of figures the general public knew. He would always end the program with : "And now you know...the REST of the story!" You are basing your impressions on limited information within the parameter of a public forum which inherently demands civility. The problem is that some members take advantage of the kindness of others to vent and essentially defecate all over the Wiki (and even Dan who is an amazing coach). The danger of that, is it can be incredibly destructive, demoralizing, and triggering for members who are here with a sincere desire to get better. I've been contacted in private by several members who have expressed just that. When a person has had access to every doctor who has assured them there is NOTHING wrong with their body, when Dr. Schubiner himself has sent you 150 emails, when you have had therapy with top TMS therapists, when veterans on this site have spent countless hours of their own time for free (outside of the wiki, some for YEARS by the way!), only to have this person respond with contempt and ingratitude on a public forum (where they know you can't respond), who twists peoples' words and throw in words such as "astrology" and "cults" full well knowing the effect these words have on vulnerable members, it's called manipulation, insincerity and a complete lack of regard for others. After all, misery loves company and guests to the pity party. There are millions of people who suffer from OCD who don't behave this way. I've helped people in my spare time who are struggling mightily, who are grateful for my help. I can remember how grateful I was myself, years ago when anyone so much as responded to me or gave me a glimmer of hope. In fact I remember every one of those instances vividly because they meant so much to me. This is not what is happening on this thread. Quite the opposite. Hopefully others WILL learn what to do and what NOT to do, and it can be instructive in that way. Hopefully this specific comment benefits others. You can't help someone who does not want to get better, refuses to take responsibility, and who revels in their self created suffering. Just because someone is more sophisticated at presenting a facade and a narrative, does not change the truth.
This has become incredibly personal and mean-spirited all of a sudden.
The charges of malice and manipulation are false. My desire to get better is genuine, as are my doubts about TMS, as is my despair. I’m not reveling in any of it.
As it has gotten to the point at which I’m being called a selfish fool, a raging narcissist, and told that I’ll end up alone and demented, I think I better just go. Thank you to all who tried to help me, and I’m sorry to anyone whom my postings upset. I’m going to ask again that they all be deleted.
@miffybunny I'm really sorry that I misunderstood what was going on. I didn't know that he hurt so many people's feelings and I do not defend any of his behaviors. People need the right guidance and the right environment to heal and I'm in support of any protective actions for the forum, including thread closing and banning, if need be. If he has any other issues, he needs to get a separate diagnosis, as this stuff tends to be hard to spot or treat. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm really sorry that I couldn't see him for what he was. Thanks for catching the blind spot- I feel shocked that I missed the red flags even with my previous experiences. I'm still in college but I really need to up my life smarts and I guess I'm a bit too empathetic. I'm shocked at how willy-nilly I have become over my own thinking this past year and didn't know where to draw the line. It's a darn tough world out there, and I can't let my guard down even for a moment. I can't trust anyone. I have to look my BS in the eye and take the pain of my mistakes every time, no matter how much the truth hurts.
Just want to say this thread has actually been a huge turning point for me. So to any of the TMS veterans who feel their time has been wasted, I assure you it has not. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I’d have to say I agree with Miller. Something has changed in my way of thinking. Thank you to all the veterans on this thread- really amazing!
I don’t know that I’m necessarily classified under the “TMS veteran” group, but I personally don’t feel like my time was wasted, as I set my boundaries twice: once last summer and again last month. You cannot save everyone and feeding into reassurance seeking does not help. This is why it is so important to set those boundaries - you avoid burnout and resentment.
You're definitely a veteran @Dorado x
I'm struggling and I would love to hear some advices
1. I struggle with being resilient, my pain is 24/7 and while I'm able to ignore it through most of the day, eventually I'm just so tired of it. It's like someone is screaming to my ear all day
2. I still blame myself. All this started from me taking antibiotics for acne 10 years ago. Maybe it was coincedental, maybe my stomach and jaw/teeth pain started because of it. I don't know, but I feel like it's because of me.
3. It doesn't help that I still have moderate acne. I'm the onle one I know that still struggle with it, well into my thirties. Nothing I ever tried really helped me. It's like everything in my life. No matter how much I try, nothing ever changes. Sometimes only for worse. What girl could love someone so hidious. I will be forever in pain and alone.
4. I still compare my prepain life with now. I'm not even entirely sure my prepain life was real, maybe it was simulation like in Matrix. Not feeling pain, be happy and in present moment feels so strange, it's like talking about elves and magic for me. It's just so unreal.
I'm not gonna surrender. That's my life. That's how it is. But I really want to feel better, to be myself, true myself again. I hope it's possible. But I don't know how to archieve that. Should I just adapt to this life, accept my lot? Sometimes bad people have goodluck and sometimes really bad things happens to good people. Is it foolish for me to hope for better life? What's really makes me down is that I don't know. I think I would accept either answer - yes or no. But I don't know, just don't know.
Don't worry about the acne. I can relate to number 4, but don't lose hope.
1.) You may be trying to shift focus but it sounds like your fear is still very high around symptoms. You need to believe they are brain induced and harmless and temporary. Are there still doubts you are harboring that this is TMS?...because doubt will hold us back in making progress.
2.) Antibiotics are not the cause of your present symptoms and pain. Your brain is looking for a reason but that is not it. When you regret decisions you made that were based on the knowledge you had at the time, that is self abuse and you are bullying yourself, which puts your brain into fight or flight. The antibiotics are totally irrelevant to the TMS you have today. There is nothing to feel guilt about.
3.) The acne is affecting your self image and creating all sorts of distorted, false beliefs about yourself and your self worth. Again you are bullying yourself here and not seeing yourself accurately .
4.). By comparing yourself now to before, you are resisting and fighting the present moment. By going back to the past, it is disempowering you in the present. Stay in this moment, accept yourself in this moment, and have a positive outlook for the future. If things were better in the past, they will be again. Everything in life is temporary. It is us and our thoughts that keep renewing and recreating the negative on a moment to moment basis. Your pain is temporary and so are your thoughts! You have control over your thoughts and if you want to keep renewing the subscription to the magazine, so to speak.
5.). This situation of suffering is not something that "happened" "to" you. It's an ongoing state that your brain and mind has created over time through your own thoughts. You can reverse this programming and these learned habits of the brain and body. They are simply thought habits. Put the symptoms and pain into the construct of thought. They are false alarms stemming from the alarm function in your brain. When you communicate to your brain that you are safe, when you begin finding joy and meaning in your life (focusing on your actual life and not your body), the TMS ceases to have a purpose...the brain loses it's grip on the strategy. It realizes that it no longer needs to alert you, distract you , or "protect" you. We create our own luck and our body is an extension of our mind. When we are highly anxious, it alters our physiology, including our skin. The more you can engage in life on your terms, the faster your brain will get out of fight or flight . The body will calm down on it's own as a natural result.
Thank you for answer, especially this part. I have no doubt it's TMS, and I know all the basics, so I was looking for actual advices, and making my brain feel safe is good advice. I now recall that many scientists saying this too, Schubiner and others. I'm probably so tense, it's only making everything worse and I put dealing with my pain and acne as my sole purpose for too long.
Totally agree with @miffybunny’s post, and please learn to be more gentle with yourself.
I had a roommate in my first year in college who taught me a lot without realizing it. He was short, very average looking, a bit of a skin problem, but man did he find a way to generate confidence! He would bring beautiful girls back to our room (hey, it was the early 90s!) on a regular basis. From the outside, he didn’t seem to have any reason to be.
But when I asked him about it, he laughed and said ‘I really don’t care if I get rejected!’ And he was being honest. He even became vice-president of a big fraternity on campus.
So to Miffy’s point, your brain is looking for every excuse to keep you stuck where you ‘are’, for whatever reason. Nothing has to change for you to change your mindset.
Do your best, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I worked in a methadone clinic many years, and the addicts there would always talk about making progress then relapsing. This is really no different. You are trying to move from the known (familiar) ‘you’ into the unknown. That takes time and patience.
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