Hi all -new here. I am off to do a trigger activity that I have stayed away from for some time- playing tennis. I introduced myself in the support forum so will save the long story but the short version is that I have had chronic tendinitis throughout my right arm and a strained bicep muscle for 2 years. This started due to a medical condition but I believe it continues due to TMS. Tennis is a loaded activity for me, emotionally. Prior to my medical issue, I played competitively 3-4 times a week. My once scrawny body became something I was proud of - healthy, bigger, not so gaunt and I felt stronger. It was liberating. And then it all changed one day and I lost it. Today, my 10 year old plays competitive tennis and so does my husband. I miss playing with my family so much. It's hard to watch. My friends still invite me 2 years later- just in case. And other replacement activities aren't working either, like yoga. Yesterday, I got so irritated while doing my TMS activities that I got up from the computer, went outside and smacked a tennis ball around against the house for 5 minutes. It felt amazing. My arm began to get sore later but I don't care. It was worth it. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have been sad for two years but my TMS work is starting to reveal anger for the first time. I am angry about this and I have never felt that way. I am trying to look fear in the face. My daughter asked me to go with her to the courts today. I am going to hit some serves. I last played a match in May 2017 (through total agony) and last hit with her two weeks ago (some pain during but it went away and then returned with a vengeance that night). My question is: What should I tell myself during this activity? Where should my focus be? What should I say to myself if I feel pain during this activity?