Hello fellow TMSers, I've been lurking on this site for quite a while, now its my turn to ask for help, cause I feel like there is missing link somewhere in what I'm doing. I'll try to make this short. Almost two years ago I started to have some random flu like aches in arms and legs, didn't think of it much then. Then developed dizziness and intermittent ringing in the ears. I went to GP, got loads of blood tests, vitamin D and iron were off so I was told to take them. In those next months my situation worsened dramatically, the pain was extremely severe, specially crushing pain in hips and burning thighs, I didn't even know there was a pain like that. It usually came at evenings, just when I lied down to go to sleep. Pain killers didn't touch it (even though they worked perfectly for a simple headache), I also developed fatigue and regularly got dizzy spells and nausea. I was hoping, praying and staying positive for about a year. Finally one rheumatologist found some antibodies and decided that it means I have reactive arthritis and prescribed loads of drugs, antibiotics and stereoids. I was kinda happy then, that something was finally found. But then in two weeks I just..deteriorated for a lack of a better word. My pain increased, and kinda changed its quality, I was extremely fatigued, couldn't get out of bed, was extremely weak. I couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes because my ankles would start burning. That was very scary and I had to leave my studies and job in a matter of couple weeks and moved back to my home country to my parents (at 27 years old, after living independently for many years, that itself was extremely stressful, independence and success is a thing for me, I realize it). This was in September 2016. I went to dozens of doctors, loads of tests, everything was fine. January 2017 I found out about Sarno. I am the perfect candidate for TMS. I know I have it. It checks out, the goodist personality, the work ethic, extreme responsibility, and feeling like I need to save everybody, maintaining cool persona, always making jokes and entertaining others, used to have eating disorder, very demanding of myself, couple things in childhood, the whole shebang + clean blood tests, adequate muscle strength and MRI's with normal abnormalities. First when I read about TMS the pain subsided for a couple days and it was great, because it was proof that I have TMS. Since then I've read couple of TMS books, read success stories, read scientific research on this (I am normally annoyed by scammy miracle cures, so it was important to me to know that this is legit. And it is! It checks out physiologically and neurologically. Somatization is a fact. So, I convinced myself about, wrote a list of evidence etc. Started meditating, journaling, processing my emotions, thinking psychologically when having symptoms and it kinda worked, and it was great. I felt like I have cracked it. Had a good week, but then it came back, then a two week dizzy spell, then two good weeks, already mentally packing bags to move back and enroll this September, then developed a rash from water, fixed it when realized it was TMS, then developed rash from like any pants, how ridiculous is that, then the pain came back, then a week of fatigue and its just this insane cycle. And constant ringing in the ear, that enough can be a handful. I can have a different symptom for every hour of a day. It would be very funny if it weren't so awful. Its now May, and while I fully realize that I am better, that my original pain has lessened in its frequency and intensity, I still have all these other frankly debilitating symptoms. The whole thing is stressful, I never thought that this would happen to me, I still kinda cant believe its happening, that I actually am living home with my mom, jobless, when I had this whole life and things. And I can drop the goals (insane stressful goals by the way PhD and private practice etc), I just want to feel good, just go for a walk without burning feet. Oh, and the randomness of symptoms is impressive, I could go skiing one day and then the other day I cant walk much. I mean, come on. I am getting quite bitter, that this has happened to me, I dont deserve it etc. And I still know its TMS, I really do, but how come it wont go away? I could write a book about how my symptoms are TMS, I kinda have in my notebook. What am I missing? This turned out to be very long..