Well, today's the last Day of the "Structured" Program

[Jesse MacKinnon]

Not sure where to go after this. Anyone worked with Monte Heftle (sp?)? My audition last night was pretty awful. MY hands shook badly as I held the sides and I couldn't remember some linesd I'd memorized. I saw another actor that they've worked with before and they kept him in there for a long time which means they weanted to see more of him. I was in and out. So that one doesn't look good. I'm in no way a perfectionist, in fact if anything I'm lazy and ok for things to be ok but not perfect. What I do know is my miserable self esteem makes me strive for people's approval and then my anger kind of leaks out in inappropriate ways.. Weird, huh?

 

[Beach-Girl]

Not sure where to go after this.

Jesse: I highly recommend Dr. Schubiner's "Unlearn Your Pain". You can take it online, or do as I did and buy the workbook. It's a nice transition (or was for me) from the SP here on the wiki. You may recognize Dr. Schubiner's name as his blog posts are used throughout the SP. He's also open to email questions. I have emailed him twice and found he responded quickly with really good personal advice. Just don't write him all the time as he is a busy man who is trying to help as many as possible.

My audition last night was pretty awful. MY hands shook badly as I held the sides and I couldn't remember some linesd I'd memorized.

Well at least you got out there! One more audition under your belt. Could you write about the experience in your journal? See where you feel you backed into your old thinking? Although I don't believe you did anything wrong, this part wasn't meant for you.I believe everything happens for a reason.

I'm in no way a perfectionist, in fact if anything I'm lazy and ok for things to be ok but not perfect. What I do know is my miserable self esteem makes me strive for people's approval and then my anger kind of leaks out in inappropriate ways.. Weird, huh?

Not really. From what you've described here, I think you showed an amazing amount of strength to get up there and try. It's a little like my (failed) attempts to go to the beach without pain medication. I find that instead of enjoying the beauty of the time with my dog and the beach, I'm hyper-focused on all I have to do when I get home. Not easy to break old voices that tell us we're either not good enough, or in my case, not good enough!

Give Dr. Schubiner's book a try. It really delves deep with great exercises, has a meditation tape that I love, and works with us to break these patterns our subconscious doesn't want to let go of. You and I? We're both perfectly capable and can get through these lessons. I'm ever-so-slowly improving, but sabotage myself whenever I get the chance.

We're going to get there Jesse. And when we each reach our goal - it's going to feel great. Kudos to you for your audition. Most people wouldn't have the guts to even try.

BG

 

[Forest]

Jesse - First I would say that you should be proud of yourself for completeting the program. If nothing else, hopefully it helped you gain valuable introspection. The program itself is a work in progress. One option would be to create your own days off of the general structure of it, i.e. have one reading/educational activity, journal activity, and read a success story. The program is designed to sort of put the tools in your toolbox. If you are comfortable with it you (or anyone else) can even add your own days to the end of the program.

Also, Schubiner's program is really good. So is David Schechter's workbook. You can also just go through the program again if you want to. Remember, there is not right or wrong thing to do. It is basically whatever you think would be best.

Keep us posted on what techniques/programs you are working with. It is always interesting to learn what other people do.

 

[BruceMC]

This is exactly the same point I find myself at, Forest and Jesse. I made it through the Structured Program and am now trying to decide about the next step. Have been doing some of the exercises to develop the "felt sense" outlined by Peter A. Levine in his book, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, and am thinking about starting Schubiner's program or David Shechter's workbook. It sound as though redoing the structured program might make sense to reinforce some of the progress I made the first time around though.

 

[veronica73]

Jesse,

You are NOT lazy--a lazy person wouldn't finish the whole program and be coming back here every day. This is a lot of work and you're doing it.

You accomplished a lot just by going to the audition.

Be kind to yourself

Veronica

 

[Jesse MacKinnon]

thanx