"Weekend depression": Yearn for activities that healthy people do..

Hi everyone,

I do the SEP since one month. Because of my psychoanalysis therapy with 3 sessions per week, I do the SEP exercises 2-3 day a week and am currently on day 14. I have learned much about TMS, myself, my personality, my fears and unsolved conflicts and feelings. After a fallback two weeks ago, I did a big step by realizing how much pressure I have put on myself concerning everything (life, work, relationships... and in the end my cure).It felt like an enlightenment: the fundamental state of mind is being relaxed and trustful that everything will be fine. And in a calm state of mind everything seems to be possible even my cure. THIS way of thinking is possible when I am in my everyday life with routine.

I feel a Depression on every Friday because it is weekend and I realize that I am not free in the way that I would like to be. Nevertheless I am quite active and enjoy my time but this feeling does not move out of my subconscious.

Today I again recognized some negative thoughts come back. I had a nice evening with my friends but they talked about activities that I avoid because of my pain. Another issue is that I have a bit more pain today and I feel a bit tired. That's okay when I am alone. But if I see "healthy" people who seem to be able to do anything they want, I get depressed and my cure should be faster. I cannot accept that I am weaker, inferior, less productive (-> perfectionism)...
This (old) habit (impatience, anxiety and perfectionism) has brought me to my actual situation. I know it and I try to deal it. But it is very exhausting.

I stay optimistic but am asking you for similar experiences.

Do you know such situations?
Do you also recognize a depression especially concerning the weekend/free-time?
Do you have advices for me?

Greetings
Sebastian

 

Hi Jan,

after reading your answer I have read your story. Thanks for sharing it.

And thank you for your explanation. It explains my confusion and the increase of symptoms when the weekend is near. I accept this sitatution but sometimes I ask myself if I do something wrong. I recognize that there is still something undiscovered in me and it takes much energy and work to discover it. As a very sensitive person I am realizing that there are many many emotions and feelings in me that I blocked and repressed over the last 10 years. With my "new" state of mind and better sense of self I allow me to feel more. But now I am a bit overextended with this amount of current and older emotions. It is too much . It seems that my brain wants to protect me from this amount. But if I ignore it or do not to much attention to it, I am able to feel and that's great.

Do you have experiences with such free time depressions? Have you developed habits to improve your less positive moments and thoughts?

Greetings
Sebastian

 

Thank you, I have read it .

I agree with your point of view and I see an enourmess potential in it:
"if you can really hear the negative self-talk that your brain is inundating you with, you can also change it. The neuroscientists are telling us that we CAN re-wire our own brains for the better, by changing the unconscious self-talk. You have to find the motivation to do so, then open your consciousness to hear the negatives, and replace the negatives with something constructive. Saying your constructive things out loud, or writing them down is known to make them real, and it makes them work better. "

I am in the first step: opening consciouness, recognizing, realizing, hearing -> feeling emotions and learning about my negative braintalk. It took a long time and much energy to reach this state of mind with calm and trust.
Now I am in step two and try to change or counter the negative brain talk. I think that I do exactly what you said: sometimes I tend to over-think feelings, thoughts and situations. But I accept it. Maybe it's part of my journey and my learning process.
What do you do to counter? You said the first step is calming down and listening. That's the same strategy I do and it works great. Calming down is one thing but the counter is very difficult.
I know this question is very depending on personality and specific symptoms or situations. But maybe I can inspire myself by a few of your strategies .

I am grateful for your support .

Greetings
Sebastian

 

SebastionM, your brain sounds a lot like mine. Mine wants to analyze and overthink things. It's just the way I am and it's very good to have this type of brain for situations that require lots of analysis.
There are two things I have found very helpful.
1/ I give my 'monkey brain' something to do (notice I'm a monkey doing yoga?) Doing things that are mindful such as yoga and learning to do meditation or walking in nature are very good. However, when I catch my monkey brain chewing on misery, I distract it. In that moment, when I was at the stage you are, I would visualize something/anything that's different. The crazier the better. Dancing purple elephants in pink tutus dancing to a favourite song, visualizing monkeys yelling at me in the trees because I took their play toy away. Then I found something else going on in my life to think about, such as a project. Eventually my pain misery thoughts would come back and I would picture the elephants again.
2/ An excellent exercise is staying in the present moment. I found this exercise very hard at the start, but very useful. Pay attention to making your lunch, pay attention to eating, pay attention to sorting your laundry, etc. Concentrate on what you can do right now, not what you can't do. When my mind told me scary stories about the future, I would mentally say 'cut!' like a director of a movie. Then start inventing a movie about the future that I did want, thus rewiring my brain.
It takes perseverance, but it works. Good luck.

 

Hi Eileen, hi Jan,

That's very funny but quite interesting. I agree with you because I realize that I am calm when I do an activity what I enjoy and what completely claims my brain. Maybe I will try Yoga but I am not sure if my shoulder is strong enough at the moment. Maybe I am able to try it in a few weeks . I am very hopeful at the moment and think about so many things I would love to do!

It seems that we are also in this case quite equal . When my brain is running and running and I can not stop it, I do the current activity in slow motion. Especially in the morning when I'm in my bathroom I focus on doing things very slowly. In the morning I start thinking about the whole day and my brain and body want to start running because I did this the last 5 years every day.

My depression was on the highest level today. Being in the office was very tiring and bone-crushing. But I accepted it and I minimized my aims for the day. So it was standable and I had no panic or anxiety. When I left my office I started crying for about 30 minutes.. It came like a wall and I enjoyed it. I knew "You are on the right track and your emotions are allowed to be here so let them be a part of you!".. Sounds a bit crazy . I lost my father in 2011 at the age of 20 years and I am still in mourning process. I have repressed my real feelings till 2014 (when my symptoms appeared). So the pain forced me to take a look at my inside, my real feelings, my needs, my emotions. I am thankful that my body forced me to find my inner middle and to feel the stuff that is bothering me. I had the need to tell you this. Learning about and getting to know myself is so crazy and sometimes stressful but it is so important and feels great.

Thanks for your support .

Greetings
Sebastian

 

Hi Sebastion,
I too lost my father suddenly when I was 20 (I'm your mom's age now I'm sure). I know how devastating it is. I messed up the rest of that year of university and most of the next and felt very embarrassed and ashamed about it. It wasn't until many years later that I realized that of course I couldn't function at school and accepted my poor marks those years. Being a female, at least it was acceptable for me to break down crying at any time. I realized years later though that I really should have seen a psychologist. If you aren't doing so already, I would encourage you to see a therapist to help you work through your grief, hopefully someone who is open to the mind causing body pain.
Hang in there, you will get through this and be a better person afterwards. Life's difficulties are our learning experiences.

 

Starting Sunday afternoon I often feel my symptoms get worse. I may be doing a lot of things (both physically and intelectually) at home during Saturday and feeling reasonably ok however. Maybe our perfectionistic trait begins thinking about our workweek and make us feeling worse. Just a thought...

 

Sunday and feeling low due to our impending workweek or school week are very much connected and it's not just perfectionists that feel this. It's very common.

 

Hi everyone,

Eileen thanks for your story. It seems that you did the only right thing: allow sorrow. I did the opposite and 4 years later I am a TMS'er.
I am in psychotherapy since one and a half year and am getting much better. At the moment I feel "nearly" great. I learned much about outcome indepence and calm down techniques during the last week and it feels quite good. My pain and my feelings (the depression too) are still there but I allow them to be with me. I am grateful for the pain. It was the key to find my real personality and accept it. There is a big change in my life, my sense of self and my reaction on other people, situations and so on.
My mood and my emotional state of mind is changing rapidly during the day but this is an idicator that I have repressed soo much emotions, happy and sad ones.
Thanks for your support .

Greetings
Sebastian