wanting smoother sailing

[Lizzy]

Hi everyone, it is hard to admit I am having ups and downs. Could this be how my personality causes me problems? How can a perfectionist ever admit to difficulties? I was in counselling for 3 yrs 18 years ago, and until 3 years ago, only my husband knew. Hmm...

I feel agitated alot of the time, sad some, and then ok. It reminds me of physical symptoms being "on the run"
So, is this good? Normal? I sure see why my sub-c would repress, this is "mild", but I sure don't like it!

Also, I have always felt alot of anger, but my dad was always raging, so expressing my anger doesn't feel good, so I only do with my husband, and try to be calm and work things out. I never bring up the truth about anything that bothers me in other relationships. I am seeing that this means I am not in the relationship. I don't even know if I want that to change. Being myself feels very risky.

Thanks for reading and any feedback.
Lizzy

 

[David88]

Hi Lizzy,

Thank you for that wonderful, thoughtful post.

What I'm coming to understand, slowly, is that being oneself is risky, but you have to do it anyway. Because the alternative is TMS. So you might as well embrace the risk, and all the scary feelings that come with it. I'm also finding that when I come out from behind my defenses, and let people know who I really am, good things happen. I feel closer to people, more connected, and a little less scared. But yes, life is scary.

David.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

What I'm coming to understand, slowly, is that being oneself is risky, but you have to do it anyway. Because the alternative is TMS. So you might as well embrace the risk, and all the scary feelings that come with it. I'm also finding that when I come out from behind my defenses, and let people know who I really am, good things happen. I feel closer to people, more connected, and a little less scared. But yes, life is scary.

I think this is so well put. I think not everyone who cures from TMS has to be themselves more and more, but there is a certain percentage that does. This is the "deepening" that many TMS therapists, doctors, and coaches talk about. The "opportunity" of TMS to live more deeply.

I never bring up the truth about anything that bothers me in other relationships. I am seeing that this means I am not in the relationship.

Lizzy, I think that being yourself is something that is calling to you. Be gentle with yourself, and see if you want to expand a little. In my experience, working with the Superego, or Inner Bully is very important. Otherwise the fear of expansion, and the Superego attacks when we do expand render the process almost impossible. Why do you think we've maintained our limited, dishonest stance for so long? To maintain safety in the face of overwhelming Superego energy!

I sure see why my sub-c would repress, this is "mild", but I sure don't like it!

This is a lot of how I treated my TMS. I could see the "war zone" going on down there, so I had plenty of evidence of stuff that "didn't want to be felt." It made sense of Dr. Sarno's work in me. To me, in this contemplation, nothing needs to change at all. I just see the causes of TMS and this renders the strategies moot.

The two things we're discussing here: need to change, and no need to change-- seem to be paradoxical. But both have their place, in my thinking.

Andy B.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I try to "live more deeply" in positive thoughts and actions. I try to laugh off any worries or pain.

 

[Lizzy]

David, thank you for sharing that, while scary, actually coming out from behind your defences was a good place. Come on in, the water's fine! Most things aren't as bad as we imagine.

Andy, thank you too. I like the idea that progress can be both change and not change. This isn't all or nothing, is it? Excepting belief in psychological causes of non structural symptoms

I am doing much better, breathe...... relax, don't don't go down the freak out road, this too shall pass.

What a relief to reveal a little and have people respond with care and gentleness. A common response is to jolly someone up, but that doesn't let a feeling be. Ahhhh, feels good.

I called my brother and we had a great talk about those two little kids who were afraid and hardened as they got older. We think the wall is between us and, in our case, dad, but its only taller there than with everyone else. Then he sent me a text reminding me I can always call to talk and process. It was so good!

Thank you, Lizzy

 

[Lizzy]

Hi Walt, I am also trying to "be" in the positive momments too. I have noticed this happening since starting the mindful meditation. Lol, I think I have been in another place for much of the living of my life. We don't even know we aren't present until we notice when we are present. Sounds funny