Hi there
@HeidiF and welcome! You are asking some important questions.
I agree 100% with what
@Baseball65 said to your question about whether all illness is TMS? You have a really solid basis in the emotional side of this work, and I think it would be helpful to learn a little more about the physiological side of the stress response
I know there is a connection, but am I sick from what I read? Or I am I sick from stress? Or does it even matter to know?
Both. What you read caused a stress reaction, and the stress reaction causes fight/flight/freeze, which is a physiological response. Except that FFF is supposed to be temporary, not ongoing.
Here is an excellent description of the stress response, from the Mayo Clinic with a link to their slightly longer article from which I excerpted this. the bolding is mine:
Your brain comes hard-wired with an alarm system for your protection. When your brain perceives a threat, it signals your body to release a burst of hormones that increase your heart rate and raise your blood pressure. This "fight-or-flight" response fuels you to deal with the threat.
Once the threat is gone, y
our body is meant to return to a normal, relaxed state. Unfortunately,
the nonstop complications of modern life and its demands and expectations mean that
some people's alarm systems rarely shut off.
Stress management gives you a range of tools to reset and to recalibrate your alarm system. It can help your mind and body adapt (resilience). Without it, your body might always be on high alert.
Over time, chronic stress can lead to serious health problems.
Don't wait until stress damages your health, relationships or quality of life. Start practicing stress management techniques today
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/basics/stress-basics/hlv-20049495 (Stress management Stress basics)
When you reviewed your journal, your primitive fight/flight/freeze mechanism interpreted your response as a physical threat, because, as the excerpt states above, it can't comprehend that for those of us who are fortunate to live in safety, our everyday stresses are not physically dangerous. In your case, you have not resolved the threat, so as you continue to ruminate about it, your stress response remains high, and your chronic symptoms return or get worse.
My TMS coach/therapist says that a huge amount of the stress we experience today is actually pressure that we put on ourselves. Pressure leads to Judgement which leads to Repression which leads to Symptoms.
Long-term exposure to the stress response can cause physiological damage. I have RA, which came on very suddenly in 2020 (and uncommonly late in life at age 69) soon after the pandemic shutdown. I blame it entirely on stress and a failure to remain mindful and to care for myself in a pandemic-affected volunteer activity, on top of four years of the existential stress of expanding world disorder. The pandemic was the icing on the cake. RA is an inflammatory condition, and the connection between stress and inflammation is well-known in the medical community. So yep: "real" measurable illness, completely caused by stress, because there is no other logical explanation (there is no autoimmune in my long-lived family).
Gabor Mate MD wrote a book a number of years ago titled "
When the Body Says No" in which he describes, for non-medical readers, the physiological process behind conditions which are caused by long-term stress as a result of emotional repression. Many people find his book scary, but I find it hopeful. The message in his title is: If you won't start saying NO, your body will eventually say it for you.
Some thoughts for you - actually, these are suggestions for expressive writing:
1. What would saying "NO" look like and feel like?
2. Have you ever tried the "Unsent Letter" technique? This is where you write a completely unedited letter to any individual who has hurt you, or who is actively hurting you, due to their dysfunctional behavior. Don't edit it, and be completely self-centered about how their horrific behavior affects YOU. Then I would urge you to send it to the trash bin. Do NOT save it to read later. It has to be honest and in the moment - if you think you will read it later, it will not be honest enough. In fact, it should be so raw that your handwriting might not even be legible.
(BTW, Nicole Sachs and Dr. David Hanscom both recommend not keeping your writing exercises . Clearly this is in contradiction to Julia Cameron's approach - yet it was her approach which brought you to this important realization, so I'm not going to knock it in the context of her program!)
3. Another way to address #1 and #2 combined is to examine the rage that has emerged, and be curious about it. What is the threat that your unconscious is experiencing? What is it about the demands of these needy people in your life that is threatening to your well-being? Are you angry at yourself for being taken advantage of, or for not being able to say No, or... ???
4. How can you position yourself so that you are taking care of yourself first? How can you tell them that you don't have time for them? Can you tune it out while pretending to listen?
5. Our forum friend
@Cactusflower recommends asking ourselves two simple questions when we are in a situation that is causing stress: "Do I feel safe? Do I feel loved?" You might try asking those two questions the next time one of these people intrudes upon your precious equanimity - and examine your response with curiousity and self-compassion.
Good luck!
~Jan
