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Day 23 wandering around

Stella

Stella

Well known member
My husband and I went to a party last night. I asked him if he new where we were going. He said "yes, sorta of". Not wanting to be controlling I let it go. We drove on a major street, made every right turn, drove further, made every right turn still could not find the location of the party. The more we drove around the more my pain increased. We tried to call someone at the party. Their phone was forwarded. We went home not caring if we attended because our day had been so full. But I was physically hurting. I wrote about this last night but find I am still confused.

I did not like wandering around. I felt out of control which made me anxious. I was irritated with myself for not pushing harder for my husband to write down the address. Perfectionism kicking in. Was I angry with my husband? I don't think so. I think I was angry with myself for being out of control and needing to be perfect. Maybe I was angry with him but being a husband pleaser i wouldn't say anything. Plus I am so hard on myself I don't like to be hard on others for their mistakes. By morning most my pain was gone.... yeah! But it is all smooshed
together together.
 
Oh, Stella I can relate! When I let something slide, so as not to be too controlling, and then things don't go as I feel they should, I'm angry that I didn't speak up in the first place!
But what a gift we've received in our awareness of this situation! How wonderful that you were able to acknowledge and release this pain.

Today I'm stressed because of work. Our principal is leaving and we don't know what type of leader we'll have in the Fall. Plus next week is standardized testing with all the stress that entails. Today we had training for test administration, and I could feel the headache starting as I left the room. I was able to talk briefly to my subconscious and keep it from becoming a full blown migraine, but I can still feel it. I'm also getting pains in my feet again, and I know the plantar fasciitis is stress related. Plus this weekend my daughter is coming home from college to celebrate our birthdays, and that is stressing me out as well!
But I'm trying to console myself with the thought that a month ago I didn't realize that the head and foot pain were TMS. Now I have the tools to lessen and banish the pain!
 
Gigi said:
Oh, Stella I can relate! When I let something slide, so as not to be too controlling, and then things don't go as I feel they should, I'm angry that I didn't speak up in the first place!
But what a gift we've received in our awareness of this situation! How wonderful that you were able to acknowledge and release this pain.

Today I'm stressed because of work. Our principal is leaving and we don't know what type of leader we'll have in the Fall. Plus next week is standardized testing with all the stress that entails. Today we had training for test administration, and I could feel the headache starting as I left the room. I was able to talk briefly to my subconscious and keep it from becoming a full blown migraine, but I can still feel it. I'm also getting pains in my feet again, and I know the plantar fasciitis is stress related. Plus this weekend my daughter is coming home from college to celebrate our birthdays, and that is stressing me out as well!
But I'm trying to console myself with the thought that a month ago I didn't realize that the head and foot pain were TMS. Now I have the tools to lessen and banish the pain!
Click to expand...

Oh, Gigi, I can totally relate. I'm a teacher, too. Last week we had a faculty meeting during which the principal outlined some of the new teaching evaluation guidelines (the Danielson method) and at one point I literally felt a stabbing pain in my foot for a moment. Awfully stressful!
 
Ah, yes - control. Make that Control, with a capital C. Being in Control makes us feel safe. Loss of Control feels threatening, and then the fight or flight response steps in.

Control and I are old old friends, and I need to thank it for trying to keep me safe, but I also need to ask it to back off, and let me experience loss of control in situations that are not in fact threatening - irritating, maybe - but not truly threatening.

Jan
 
My sister came to town to visit my parents. I have so much anger and resentment towards her and feelings of being abandoned by her in the care of my parents. I started having several new/TMS symptoms. The inside of my knees started hurting to the point of limping. Both thumb joints were stiff and painful. Then my allergies started up with terrible itching of my eyes, nose and throat with a runny nose.

I am journaling like crazy to get it all out. My knees and thumbs are fine. The itching almost gone. Tricky tricky TMS tried to fool me.
 
My 20 year old daughter came home today for a few hours, to celebrate my birthday and hers. She and my husband got into an argument and then things turned ugly. I had to go for a walk to cry a bit, and when I returned she was gone. I phoned to ask where she was. She didn't take the call, but she did come back to try and clear the air a bit.
I'm very pleased that the subconscious didn't feel the need to send me megapain. Feelings are rough, but they beat pain ANY day.
 
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