Wabi-Sabi Perfect Imperfection

[Peggy]

I was listening to Judy Orloff’s cds and she mentioned wabi-sabi. Wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. I find this attitude of wabi-sabi applies to my TMS and how I view myself. Some days I wish I were perfect, I wish my family did things a lot better. I get angry sometimes just thinking about my problems. Then I remind myself to take a deep breath and affirm to myself that this too shall pass.

My perfectionistic personality comes from my childhood. Yes, I had an alcoholic father, a mother who was on valium to calm her nerves from raising so many children, a brother and sister who have/had some kind of mental imbalance. The competition was strong in my house with survival of the fittest.

The wabi-sabi part of it all is if you asked me how my childhood was, I would say it was ok, it was fine. In the end I survived, and survived quite well really. The TMS has made me more compassionate to other people’s ailments and more compassionate to myself. Yes there have been a lot of problems with having a sore back, hip, shoulders for over 2 years. But somehow it fits. It fits into my life and my learning process. I sometimes walk around humming the John Legend song, All of Me, but I change to words so I am really singing this love song to myself. Here are a few of the lines:

- My heads under water but I’m breathing fine (no need to panic no matter how bad things are)
- ‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you (my TMS self)
Love your curves and all you edges (everything that’s wrong with me)
All your perfect imperfections (all my perfect imperfections)
- Even when I loose I’m winning

A real TMS recovery song and a wabi-sabi anthem.

Happy day!

 

[blake]

Hi Peggy
I love that song and I love your new tms version of it. I'll keep it in mind next time I hear it on the radio.
I can relate to what you're saying. I too had an alcoholic father and my mom had schizophrenia (still does actually). My perfectionistic part and my inner critic are what allowed me to survive and I am extremely grateful to them, even though today they cause me a few headaches (and not just metaphorical ones either). In fact, I'm realizing that those parts me were the only parents I had. so I think there's something to be said for acknowledging our survival skills.

I also really like how you're seeing your tms as part of your journey. I so often forget to take such a positive and broad-minded approach to my problems. Thanks for the eloquent reminder!
All the best!

 

[njoy]

Wabi-sabi resolves so many problems because we can be present to all nuances of feeling, literally enjoying them all, without bothering to label them happy or sad. Rather than fearing change, we can settle into both what is and the process of becoming something else.

Right now is good, no matter where it lies on the circle of life. My mind says this can't be but my heart knows it must be -- a matter of letting go of the illusion of control and embracing destiny.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Wabi-sabi is totally new to me, but it sounds good. Acceptance resolves so many of our problems.
Embrace what the Italian song says, "Whatever will be will be," as sung by Doris Day years ago.