I honestly can’t imagine what my ideal life would look like without pain. Any suggestions on how to overcome the resentment and sense of being stuck?
The idea that you are a victim of your pain and circumstances is really just one more negative thought planted in your conscious brain by your fearful, primitive TMS brain, in order to cover up and continue repressing negative emotions that your primitive brain thinks are dangerous to your survival. Thus the purpose is nothing more or less than mere physical survival.
In other words, negative thoughts are a primitive survival technique, designed to keep us alert, worried, and on edge, so that we stay alive just long enough to breed the next generation. And that is ALL that they are. That's a pretty low bar, designed for primitive humans who didn't live very long, and it doesn't translate to any kind of quality of life in the modern world.
Technically, you, and any of us, have the power to choose to reject negative thoughts and replace them with thoughts that are constructive and conducive to your mental and physical health. Note that I am not talking about false "happy face" thoughts, which is why I am not using the word "positive". The new constructive thoughts must be realistic and achievable for you, for where you are at in the moment.
Here's a simple example from my therapist: when you're experiencing a symptom, STOP and BREATHE - remind yourself that your brain is in fear mode, and then notice that the message you are experiencing is something like "
aaaack, I don't want this, make it stop, make it go away!!!!". Right?
This is when you continue to breathe, and then find a way to change the narrative. Instead of "I don't want this!" think about what you DO want. This can be as simple as turning it around: "
I want my (body part) to be free of pain".
If you can contemplate and/or visualize a different reality, even briefly, it will calm your nervous system. The more you do this, the easier it becomes to shift into this mode.
Victimhood is more subtle, and perhaps harder to address, especially if it is long-standing and/or developed in childhood, by parents who either see themselves as victims, or who turn their children into victims as a result of their own personality disorders. Again, you have to remember that all negative thoughts, including victimhood, are survival techniques, nurtured by the TMS brain mechanism. I expect that victimhood can also be a result of trauma.
I think that the narrative of "
Waaah, I'm a victim of xxx..." can be turned around to "
I don't need to be a victim of this, because what is that accomplishing? What I really want is my life back!" However, that's probably easy for me to say, because I'm personally not into victimhood, and have always been able to reject it very quickly whenever I've fallen prey to it; and to be blunt, I don't maintain relationships with people who have victim mentalities. That's probably because I came from a functional family, which I don't believe is true for you,
@map76.
Have you ever looked into
the ACEs test, as I've recommended a few times recently? Another member reminded me about it, and I think it's very useful to identify childhood trauma in people with severe and long-standing TMS. Also, are you still working for your emotionally abusive father and hating it? Final question: remind me what kind of serious and long-term emotional work you have done in the years since you first learned about TMS?
