I have been thinking when you get on this TMS journey to healing how angry you realise you actually are and experience a "double edged sword" where you not only feel the pain and tension in your body but you also begin to really feel the emotion of anger. This just makes me want to vent. Journaling, meditation and exercise are all fine and well but this being kind to yourself thing is a whole new ball game. For example, any quick comparison to life before TMS and I set myself off, emotionally and physically. It's like a juggling act or musical gates, trying to stop the horse from bolting. How frustrating. This all just makes the anger swell. I just want to vent. A car is not designed to run at the redline indefinitely or something will give and I'm sure that's what I do in my mind. Run it at the redline and the body gives, then the emotions go, and your conscious thoughts seem to be the last to know. So I refocus, but now new emotions surface as a result of my latest perceived failure and a cycle develops. It's the cycle that is hard to break. A year on and I'm not healed. Pain levels ebb and flow, much decreased but a distorted out of balance posture not willing to relinquish its grip lingers. Emotions and events are no more or less difficult than anytime in my past, but I have begun to meet myself, and I am not sure I like what I have found. Realising that I have repressed more than I thought, held back because of unknown fears. My perfect world will never exist, but living in a way that is acceptable to myself is a journey. Just Venting. Keep an eye out for my success story and say high when I go from needing support to genuinely being able to give it.