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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Aucklander, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    I have been thinking when you get on this TMS journey to healing how angry you realise you actually are and experience a "double edged sword" where you not only feel the pain and tension in your body but you also begin to really feel the emotion of anger.

    This just makes me want to vent.

    Journaling, meditation and exercise are all fine and well but this being kind to yourself thing is a whole new ball game. For example, any quick comparison to life before TMS and I set myself off, emotionally and physically. It's like a juggling act or musical gates, trying to stop the horse from bolting. How frustrating.

    This all just makes the anger swell. I just want to vent.

    A car is not designed to run at the redline indefinitely or something will give and I'm sure that's what I do in my mind. Run it at the redline and the body gives, then the emotions go, and your conscious thoughts seem to be the last to know.

    So I refocus, but now new emotions surface as a result of my latest perceived failure and a cycle develops.

    It's the cycle that is hard to break. A year on and I'm not healed. Pain levels ebb and flow, much decreased but a distorted out of balance posture not willing to relinquish its grip lingers. Emotions and events are no more or less difficult than anytime in my past, but I have begun to meet myself, and I am not sure I like what I have found. Realising that I have repressed more than I thought, held back because of unknown fears.

    My perfect world will never exist, but living in a way that is acceptable to myself is a journey.

    Just Venting. Keep an eye out for my success story and say high when I go from needing support to genuinely being able to give it.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Good venting, Aucklander. Go ahead... get mad as hell at your symptoms and emotions and the cycle of pain you're in.
    Then laugh at it all. Refocus on telling yourself you're already healed and well.

    I find laughing to help wonders. I yell and scream for a big, then I laugh and forget what made me angry.
    tarala and Mermaid like this.
  3. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    Thanks Walt, I will give it a go.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think it relieves stress to get mad as hell and yell and then laugh.
    One starts a fire and the other puts it out.

    You live in a beautiful country from what I've read. Hope you are enjoying it.
    Mermaid likes this.
  5. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    Cheers Walt. Yes it is a great place to live. It's getting quite cold now as winter sets in but that's good news as the rugby season is underway.
  6. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

  7. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle


    ... I have begun to meet myself, and I am not sure I like what I have found.

    tt: I'm reading Nicole Sach's TMS book "TRUTH" right now, and think it may be a good time for you to read it too, she's addressing these issues that you and all of us are struggling with.

    ...My perfect world will never exist, but living in a way that is acceptable to myself is a journey.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Aucklander, I love rugby. I never played it, but it's so exciting to watch.
    I've seen many matches between colleges and Chicago amateur athletes.

    I prefer it far more than our American football.
  9. James59

    James59 Well known member

    FWIW, I could have written the same thing as Auklander did. Now I don't have to.
  10. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    I really think a good vent every once in a while is worthwhile, I'm not talking ranting and raving but a vent on the issues that get under your skin and irk you.

    I have slowed down on the journaling and looking for problems and am making the conscious decision to deal with TMS stressors as they arise, a running dialogue with myself.

    For example I am currently visiting family overseas and the last visit was a disaster in many ways and back pain was ever present. This time I told myself that being angry with xy and z people is a natural reaction, don't bite and release ASAP after each trigger event regardless of how big or small. When you file clear thinking to an event that annoys you at the time you cut down the size of the subconscious argument. Then when you journal and meditate the size and effect of the anger is smaller.

    Not very scientific but a practical step in knowing the trigger seems to diffuse the onset of acute symptoms and tension based pain is reduced for me.

    I hope this helps.
    tarala and Dahlia like this.
  11. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    I agree with you. Identifying an uncomfortable emotion in the moment goes a long way toward keeping the system "clean" and not stockpiling that stuff that we'd rather not feel. Easier said....I know. I for one would rather not feel those negative emotions at all. Hummm. Guess that's fertile ground for TMS.

    Also, regarding the journaling: I got the point that I think I was re-traumatizing myself with some things by rehashing them just too much. It's a balance. I cut way back on the journaling negative emotions and initially felt better. Then recently got a major TMS wake-up call. So I'm still trying to find the right balance.

    Best of luck to you - sounds like you're on a good track.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Dahlia, I think it's unfortunately easy to go back over some past hidden emotions so we don't ever
    seem to get rid of them. I do believe our unconscious mind finally gets the message about the emotions
    and we have to let ourselves be free of them. God forgives and we don't have to keep asking Him for
    forgiveness. We have to do the same to ourselves. Not easy, but worth doing.
  13. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    I have been slack at jornalling lately for a number of reasons and I watch my TMS symptoms creep up before taking steps to deal with the issue. If the best medicine is prevention I clearly am a poor patient and a far worse doctor. I am in a new job with new problems, easier in many ways but challenging in others. I seem to have become a little complacent and have recently found symptom substitution and twinges after a decent couple of months pain free. My habits, expectation and personality make it easy to be mad at myself too often. If misery loves company then my subconscious has many obscure friends keeping him company. If perfection was obtainable gone is my TMS. For anything less seems to be a literal pain in my arse. It is still a tough concept to accept being less than perfect and content.
  14. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Auculander. Just keep trying to accept you are great but not perfect. Contentment comes with feeling
    good, especially when you help others. Just writing a note or email to someone can lift their spirits and
    thereby lift yours.
  15. Aucklander

    Aucklander Peer Supporter

    It's been 7 near 8 months pain free. Yay!!!!!!, until the last 24 hours. Accute lower back pain. No real reason to it. I haven't been journaling since becoming pain free and getting back to life as normal, in the no Pain sense, life's issues roll on as usual but nothing too negative seems to be going on. I am considering leaving my job and starting my own business. I'm sure the uncertainty over finances causing it and a self imposed pressure to succeed at my current goals. I always feel strapped for time.

    I don't give the pain any credence and throw my body around in spite of the pain, I have been slowly but steadily increasing my exercise and cleaning up eating habits etc. Why this, why now?

    Do I need to retrace my steps and find what bubbling just beneath the surface to lance the cause or is it a wider emotional issue? Or do I add back into my life the steps I was taking just before I got rid of the pain the first time?

    Where to from here, has anyone had a similar experience?
  16. Zumbafan

    Zumbafan Well known member

    Louise Hay says lower back pain can relate to fear of money, lack of financial support. You mentioned "uncertainty over finances". She suggests new thought patterns...I trust the process of life. All I need is always taken care of. I am safe.
    You really are ok.
  17. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Auklander,

    I think that if you have not been doing some "refreshing" now and then, applying Dr. Sarno's techniques that you used and worked before, this is your first step. Dr. Sarno says that we must continue the practices in some way (like I use the 12 daily reminders) to keep TMS at bay. Dig in a little and do some Sarno Work. Whatever worked last time is a start.

    Beyond that I don't think you need to find the perfect reason for a flair-up, but for many this seems to be important. To me, I know I am prone to TMS, so if I have pain anywhere, that it my first approach: viewing the symptoms as TMS. Just knowing in your mind it is TMS that you are suffering, and that you are taking some methodical steps to address it, is a big step. Keep thinking psychological rather than physical. And remember that it may take a little time for the practices you begin again, to go deep into the mind-body. Be patient and stay the course!

    Andy B.
  18. silentflutes

    silentflutes Peer Supporter

    i am exactly at this situation right now. its been a year and i dont know if tms is going to go.
  19. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi silentflutes,
    If you are at the end of your rope using Dr. Sarno's method, and you want some feedback from the Forum, may I suggest you start a new thread in the Support section. Title it so that every one can respond, something like "Doing Sarno's Work for One Year, Help!" and summarize what you have done. So this will guide suggestions, if you want them.

    Meantime I am sorry about your frustration, and not feeling like you're getting anywhere...

    Andy B.
    silentflutes and Tennis Tom like this.

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