Starschild
New Member
Hello!
A bit of backstory: I’ve always been a perfectionist, and overachiever, and for most of my life I attributed my success and my self worth to being both of these things. In 2013 I started my undergraduate degree at a high pressure University and by the end of term one developed chronic pain in both my wrists. By the end of the year I had seen 10 different doctors, been diagnosed with RSI and the pain was so bad I had to take a year out. 18 months into my pain journey, I came across TMS. As I read the book, pain lanced throughout my body and it clicked into place, I could see myself on so many pages, and within months I was 95% better.
I thought that was it, my happy ending. I’d done the work and figured out perfectionism, people pleasing and repressing my emotions was not in fact the key to my success but the key to my self destruction. Occasionally, I’d get a twinge of pain and take it as a sign to reassess what pressures were on me at that point in time, but I essentially thought I was done.
Present day: last week it suddenly occurred to me that the recurrent UTIs I’ve been getting for the last 3 years might not be exactly what they seem. A couple of times the tests have come back negative for infection, the doctors give me the medication anyway, I felt better but then the pain/itching/burning would return within a matter of months. It has now got to the point where it consumes much of my mind with fear of what might trigger it, what might make it worse, or what might make it better - just like my wrist pain did.
Part of me is disheartened that I’m back here again, that the doing the work didn’t ‘fix’ me (but maybe that is my perfectionism talking). Part of me is worried that if doing the work didn’t work the first time what is to say it will a second time, and what if my life continues to be a carousel of different health issues. Another part of me is worried my UTI like pain hasn’t gone away like my wrist pain did when I figured out that was TMS, so maybe it’s not TMS this time after all. While it makes a lot of sense that it could be TMS, I haven’t totally convinced myself and thought I’d look to this forum for some advice.
A bit of backstory: I’ve always been a perfectionist, and overachiever, and for most of my life I attributed my success and my self worth to being both of these things. In 2013 I started my undergraduate degree at a high pressure University and by the end of term one developed chronic pain in both my wrists. By the end of the year I had seen 10 different doctors, been diagnosed with RSI and the pain was so bad I had to take a year out. 18 months into my pain journey, I came across TMS. As I read the book, pain lanced throughout my body and it clicked into place, I could see myself on so many pages, and within months I was 95% better.
I thought that was it, my happy ending. I’d done the work and figured out perfectionism, people pleasing and repressing my emotions was not in fact the key to my success but the key to my self destruction. Occasionally, I’d get a twinge of pain and take it as a sign to reassess what pressures were on me at that point in time, but I essentially thought I was done.
Present day: last week it suddenly occurred to me that the recurrent UTIs I’ve been getting for the last 3 years might not be exactly what they seem. A couple of times the tests have come back negative for infection, the doctors give me the medication anyway, I felt better but then the pain/itching/burning would return within a matter of months. It has now got to the point where it consumes much of my mind with fear of what might trigger it, what might make it worse, or what might make it better - just like my wrist pain did.
Part of me is disheartened that I’m back here again, that the doing the work didn’t ‘fix’ me (but maybe that is my perfectionism talking). Part of me is worried that if doing the work didn’t work the first time what is to say it will a second time, and what if my life continues to be a carousel of different health issues. Another part of me is worried my UTI like pain hasn’t gone away like my wrist pain did when I figured out that was TMS, so maybe it’s not TMS this time after all. While it makes a lot of sense that it could be TMS, I haven’t totally convinced myself and thought I’d look to this forum for some advice.
