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Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Jules, Apr 28, 2017.

  1. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    So, I have been working with a lot of emotions lately and trying to move toward the pain and not being afraid of it, which is easier said than done. I am doing better with the arm and shoulder pain, and canal raise my arm up over my head, but it still hurts to put it behind. It does still pop, but the pain is either minimal or it's not there, because I stopped being afraid of it. I also have my affirmations I say daily. One thing I was a little concerned about was my daughter-in-law and son's baby that was due last week. Everything went well, and she was born last Wednesday, and is doing well. I was able to calm myself and not worry about her being induced and having the baby. It was a trigger for me, because when I was induced with my son, we ended up in emergency C-section because the cord wrapped around his head. I was very close to losing him. Now that that stress is out of the way, I feel it's time for me to move forward with my life.

    At this point, there is one thing I think that is holding me back from completely healing and that is getting out of my house and getting a job. Since all my kids are gone and I am alone at home, me and my therapist figured out the one thing I'm afraid of is getting a full-time job, after being in the home for 22 years, and how I would react to being in a job environment where I am needed and expected to complete tasks.

    I did have an interview yesterday, and the pain ratcheted up, but when I told it to calm down and that it was OK, the anxiety flared, which is very typical of TMS. I think I did very well at the interview and even the interviewer said I did great, so I have high hopes. My therapist told me to look at pain, as not a symptom of something, but an emotion that is trapped in the body. I tend to agree with her, because the two biggest emotions I have are that of fear and anger. Fear right now is if I do get a job, there is no going back and I have to be at the job and I have to perform, whether I'm in pain or not. This is very difficult for me, but I feel it has to be done.

    I feel I am starting to get there, but the pain is pretty much still stuck in my shoulder. To really bring an analogy home, my therapist thought that my stuck shoulder was parallel to my fear of being stuck in the home and not being able to move forward. I feel that when I do get a job, my shoulder will stop being stuck, because I will have faced the fear and conquered it. Of course, if I have more repressed emotions, the pain will move to some other part. But, I think right now my main issue is trying to decondition the brain to srop using pain as the distraction.

    Have any of you had this type of situation and had it resolve once you faced the fear?
    Ines likes this.
  2. EileenS

    EileenS Well known member

    Congratulations Jules on going for interviews. Don't let your fear mind tell you 'what if'. Rare does something we worry about ever happen. Life can't be predicted. Getting out of your house and going to a job is the best thing for you to get yourself out of your self.
    I myself was in your situation in that I am at home and I had too much time on my hands. I am now crazy busy being general contractor for a reno of most of our main floor amongst many other things. Today is the first day our house isn't constant construction noise. I have also gone to 2 funerals for relatives the past 2 weeks, a friend died suddenly on Tuesday, my best friend told me Wed her cancer has returned, another person we know well died yesterday and we have to drive 4 hours to Ottawa to the funeral next week. With Tuesday's news, I realized I have to just ride the waves in this crazy rocking boat of life. I am sometimes feeling too tense and I have some aches, but I use all the tools in my toolbox to get rid of it and I concentrate on life at the moment, not think of what might happen in the future.
    Jules likes this.
  3. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    Thats the key, isn't it, to roll with the punches and just do it anyway?! That philosophy has been the hardest for me to "get" especially when I couldn't raise my arm up over my head. The problem was telling myself I couldn't, as opposed to saying I can and getting my brain to beleive it and then obey. I found when I was crazy busy painting our house, the pain was minimal. When I'm bored, that is when the negative thoughts overwhelm. Good grief. :rolleyes:
    EileenS likes this.
  4. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    I can completely relate to you! I have been a stay at home Mom for close to 11 years now. I'm currently looking for a job and the fear can be pretty difficult sometimes. Like you, the fact that I have to get up and be somewhere, has tasks to get done etc. is scary to me and of course I'm scared I'll be miserable during it. How do we change that fear? That is the part I'm struggling with as well. I wish I had the answer to that. Proud of you for even going to the interview and facing that fear!! Let us know when you hear!
    Jules likes this.
  5. EileenS

    EileenS Well known member

    First step is to remind yourself to live in the moment that is now every time your mind starts telling you a scary story - which rarely come true. Look after this hour, this day.
    Counter that with something like, "I might have the best time I've ever had." use your own words that you can believe.

    I didn't do the SEP program, but there will be something in that which will cover 'fear' I'm sure.

    I'll share an exercise that is very helpful from a course I took last year. Take a belief you want to change, such as, "I'll be miserable doing any job I get."
    1/ Ask yourself if that statement is 100% true. (hopefully you said NO)
    2/ How does the above thought make you feel? (If you end up with a list of negative feeling things rather than happy peaceful things, go to step 3)
    3/ Find a new thought that feels positive and energizing that you can replace the old thought with whenever it comes up. Make sure it's a statement that you can really believe. Your body will tell you when you get the right statement.
  6. Leslie735

    Leslie735 Well known member

    Thank you! I am going to try this. :)

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