Update

Hey all,

Just thought I'd give a quick update and ask for some advice.

The last month has been really bad with my right hip/leg just constantly hurting and stiffening up. It started after a 3 day wedding and consistent people pleasing followed by exams at my university, leaving the country I was studying abroad in, going back to Poland where my family from home has come to holiday (meeting up with my parents and sister again) as well as anticipating returning home to Australia at the end of the month. Anyway I've been unable to walk and my family has been really worried, somewhere along the way they started convincing me it might be structural again so my tms belief wavered and things have just been out of freaking control.

I came to Poland for a check up and once again shocked my doctors at thr state I'm in as In, the level of pain and stiffness. I had a scan done and aside from some joint space narrowing on my right hip due to... tight muscles and ...tension there is nothing wrong and they see no reason to operate.

Here's where I'm at. My doctors recognize I'm generating tension and stiffening up so they want me to start speaking to a psychologist whilst simultaneously doing physical therapy to move thr joint and so i don't seize up like I did the first time around with my left hip where I lost all mobility in my joint due to immobilization because of pain. I basically cry every time they start doing physical therapy coz I just cannot take it anymore but am also scared that if I don't keep moving I'll lose all function even though I'm bavk to thinking it's tms again.

I don't know what to do, I'm absolutely exhausted and can't take physical therapy but am worried I'm making a wrong decision in stopping it. I figure If I just do some light yoga and keep trying to exercise and maybe get into a pool while trying to journal, write, meditate and speak to someone it might be a better way to go but I'm unsure and just need some advice.

My family arrived this morning and I was literally shaking from anxiety until I took a pain pill and the pain settled as did my anxiety. It just feels like a never ending prison sentence. . Need some advice..

 

Hi sweetheart,

Too many cooks spoil the broth...

Your instinct to keep things simple is the best advice I would have given you. Your focus is best placed on calming and soothing right now, not flinging yourself into yet more therapy or such. Reading all that's gone on for you made me feel tired on your behalf so I recommend breaking the cycle right there. Rest. Nothing more for now. And when you feel up to up then do some light yoga or go to the pool.

There are points when tms healing can become counterproductive simply because it is generating more heat than light. This sounds like one of those times. Be in touch here and we'll do our best to reassure and support you through this period.

Hugs xxx

 

Thanks so much for your reply Plum, you're absolutely right. I went in today and am lucky to have really supportive physios and doctors who said I don't have to do anything I don't want to do but they're worried about my joint seizing..

Basically I know Dr Sarno says that tms is harmless and can't leave any lasting damage however he also says if you develop problems in the joint it's because the muscles are contracted, spasming and tight all the time. In essence they have said I am at the beginning stages of coxarthrosis where the capsule gets really tight until you eventually end up stiff that's why they need to keep it moving hence the physical therapy, to prevent that from happening. So it's a pretty horribly miserable situation in the sense that tms has actually started affecting me physiologically. . My family wants me to stay here and do my studies by distance the next semester so I can be around my doctors and psychologist. . But again I hate making my life revolve around the pain but I'm at a loss as to what I should do..

 

I have a limp from "hip arthritis"/TMS/?, not a day goes by someone doesn't tell me to have a hip-replacement. You're lucky your docs aren't telling you to have one. I'm starting to tell people I had polio when I was young to get them off my back--or off my hip--and then kick their butts on the tennis court, swimming pool and race-track.

My non-medical expert advice is to keep doing what you're doing, stay active mentally and physically. Tell your parents the docs say you are alright and to argue with them. If the physical therapy is so painful it's making you cry I would quit that. Continue activities that allow your tight hip joint to warm-up and the bursae to secrete their synovial fluid to juice up your joint--it's the WD-40 for the joints. That's why athletes spend a lot of time warming-up before an event. Their bodies are telling them you can't abuse cold muscles, ligaments and tendons until they are warmed up, like you wouldn't stick the pedal to the metal on a cold car engine. Your PT sounds clueless about your condition and your hip's needs. Maybe he is looking at the clock and to getting in as many customers as possible--before he does his work-out--with a proper warm-up of course.

Keep doing what you are doing, it's been working for you--until the social pressures arrived that installed your TMS buttons. Walking, biking, swimming, running in the pool are all good aerobic activities are all good to un-tighten your hip joint. After about twenty minutes of warm-up, you should be good to crank it up if you want to get more vigorous.

 

Ana,

I've read your story. By the gods my love, you have been through hell for such a long time. I wish to reassure you about one essential aspect though, while the cascading stress response can generate wear and tear on the body, the body can heal from this. All it needs is rest, sleep, kindness and superior nutrition. So please don't buy into the doctor's fears regarding damage, because they are not trained to see that the body has a healing system and that once we take our foot of the accelarator, healing will happen. It is the constant agitation of the mind and emotions investing belief in something being wrong that is the problem. Know that you can repair and restore your body and even come out of this much stronger.

Ok, some questions for you.

Just to clarify, your family want you to stay in Poland and study by distance?

Would you rather return to Australia?
Is there a possibility of Skyping the therapists from there?
Do you know, does the psychologist they want you to speak with know about tms?

How long is the flight between Poland and Australia?

I am sure they love you and are doing their best, but it seems that having your family constantly monitoring you is generating an additional layer of anxiety and tension. Is there a way of buffering this? Are there certain people who stress you out more than others?

Regarding physical therapy and your understandable concerns here (again given the nightmare decade you've endured), have you tried Yin Yoga? This is the only style I'm doing at the moment because it specifically focuses on deep deep relaxation and tension-release in the joints, tendons and ligaments. It is very gentle and soothing. It harmonises heart and mind, mind and body. I can provide some links if you feel it might help. It certainly cannot harm you. It will also begin the engagement of your parasympathetic system which will calm you and initiate healing.

The main recurring thought I have with you is that you need to restore your agency. You have been battered by pain, the medical system, travel, and family and I think somewhere in that circus you, ana, has got a bit lost. Does that make sense? Too much, too young for too long.

Sending you love xxx

 

Hey all,

Thank you so much for the replies, this is really a dark moment for me. I can't walk right now without being riddled with pain and spasms. I'm concerned about my operated hip even though its artificial coz that side hurts as well because i'm constantly walking incorrectly and placing pressure on it due to the pain although the doctors have confirmed that the hip is absolutely fine and nothing is wrong.

In regard to my right hip i'm just worried about it seizing up as i've said.. Plum i haven't tried Yin Yoga, could you provide some links? I'm just too exhausted to think about anything i want in terms of staying here or going home and doing distance education. I don't want to make my life revolve around the pain but when you literally cannot walk it's difficult to try and think about doing things and working etc.. i'm just trying to survive right now. Also, the doctors acknowledge they don't know where the pain is coming from as the joint is still healthy and they are open to me taking a psychological approach, it's just all too much though. I don;t see a way out right now and i'm trying to but i'm just being beaten down repeatedly.

I also dont want to become dependent on 'Rapten Duo' which is the only pain killer i can take that helps with teh pain and allows me to function somewhat. I try and take breaks in between taking this drug but the days i don't, like today, are too much to take emotionally, mentally and physically. I don't know what to do or where to go to get some relief and this out of balance feeling has been building this last month and has just erupted now and i don't know how to reverse it or calm it down..I'm worried things will only get worse adn don't know how to shift my mindset. I try not to think about how much i've been through this last decade but it is too much.. honestly, people are injured or suffer illness all the time and they recover or pass away. It's like i'm trapped in the middle of that as morbid as it sounds..

Thank you once again for the support guys..

 

Ana, this dark moment shall pass. Take the painkillers to see you through, just for now. You don't need to be battling pain and emotional upset. Get the pain under control (we can talk about decreasing dosage and weaning off later), and simply rest.

This is not the time to tax yourself or make decisions. Take it easy. Do something nice. Let yourself off the hook for a while. The choices in your future can wait, they really can. When I look back over the course of my life the one thing I wish I'd realised is that it is ok to not know what to do, it is ok to take a break, it's ok to do nothing. Too many times I felt immensely pressured to make a decisive choice and because I was so stressed my thinking was black or white. I made bad choices due to that.

I see now that what I really needed was some breathing space. I wish someone had told me that it wasn't an either/or choice and that I could find a way that was right for me. I suspect everyone on the forum who is middle aged or above will relate to that.

Just for a few days Ana, be kind and gentle with yourself. Post here as you need to.

I'll post some yin yoga links later.

 

You have your own proof that it's TMS because it's flared up being with your family and their misguided but wishing to be helpful advice, to seek an allopathic surgical solution to your pain. The good news is that for whatever reason your doctors in Poland are enlightened and see nothing structurally wrong with your hips. They are even supportive of a psychological solution! Find a TMS psychologist by skype or there are some back in Australia.

Here's some healing type yoga practitioners in Australia, they maybe from the same lineage as the style Plum recommends. I did some classes with Gary Kraftsow a while back:

http://www.viniyoga.com/about/who-we-are/about-gary-kraftsow (American Viniyoga Institute - About Founder Gary Kraftsow)

AVI Directory of Teachers and Yoga Therapists
Search Directory

Joanne Crisp
Melbourne, Victoria,
Australia
joannecrisp@ymail.com

61.0.413.810.858
Foundation for Yoga Therapy
Pam McDowell
Cairns, Queensland,
Australia
pamelakm@gmail.com

0.40.261.2573
Certified 500 hour Viniyoga Teacher
Pat Daly
Kuranda, Queensland
Australia
patdaly_1@hotmail.com

 

Ana, this link should take you to a youtube channel called Yoga with Kassandra.

Yin Yoga Classes - All levels:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW0v0k7UCVrmK5WvoJMCAof0LJxuQXqxk (Yin Yoga Classes - All levels - YouTube)

I'm enrolled on this course of hers at Udemy:

https://www.udemy.com/yin-yoga-to-heal-restore/ (Yin Yoga to Heal & Restore - Udemy)

The chest and back class is literally the only thing I ever done that eases the awful tension in my upper body. Swimming and other yin yoga routines help but this one nails it. My hope is that you find something on her youtube channel that benefits you in a similar way. If not she is open to requests so you could mail her and perhaps she'll craft something more specific. She is a real sweetie and very generous with her teachings.

Plum xxx

 

Has Dr. James Alexander returned to practice yet?

http://www.drjamesalexander-psychologist.com/ (Dr James Alexander)

I have his dvd and it's very good. He seems like a gentle soul. When I last attended actual yoga classes they were viniyoga and I really enjoyed them.

Great suggestions Tom.

 

Thanks for the replies you guys. .

I'm in physical therapy because I'm losing muscle strength and flexibility due to the pain and that doesn't help my situation. I've hit rock bottom.. can't walk outside at all and I know it's fear but I'm literally paralysed with fear of walking and I.keep spasming and just cant seem to do it. I wasn't feeling as bad as I normally do in my apartment this morning and then I stepped outside and was walking a bit.. couldn't believe it and just froze with pain and fear.

I'm suppose to be going to therapy now and I don't know how I'll drag myself in there. There is no logical explanation for not being able to walk.. i have no words and am frozen with sadness and despair while I sit here on a bench and watch the world move around me.

 

It's such a f***ing mind game. If I take one single pain killer I can function and without it I'm disabled completely. I don't know how I've spiralled into this kind of a situation. I've been fighting this for a while but was able to function whereas now I feel completely incapacitated.

 

I'm suppose to be skyping with a tms therapist tonight.. the thing is I feel like I need the physical therapy coz I'm just wasting away but now I can't repeat this is tms coz I just go into complete spasms.

 

Try to walk with some help, to get the circulation going.