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Update on me: Intense emotions but not too much pain...

veronica73

veronica73

Well known member
Just an update on me...last Thursday I took my dogs in for their annual physicals and the vet found what seemed to be cancer in one of them. That was the beginning of a really intense week for us, going to various vet appointments with her and waiting, waiting, waiting for test results.

This is definitely the worst I've felt emotionally in a long, long time. Sometimes I feel OK and a little while later sad, anxious, and overwhelmed. Despite all of that I haven't been feeling too bad pain-wise. I do have some pain today but this is how I felt on a "good day" pre-knowing about TMS, and not debilitating.

I find myself worrying about things like whether this will trigger more pain, how I will deal with the upcoming weeks/months, etc. I'm balancing feeling the feelings with giving myself breaks from the intensity of all of this. My therapist said taking breaks from the grief is OK and not the same as my typical TMS-repressing-feelings.


I'm also trying to practice compassion with myself and not compare my emotional response to all of this to what I think it "should" be.

And all of this has made me realize how much time I waste my time worrying so much about things that don't even matter. I'm grateful for all of the work I have done on TMS over the last 6 months otherwise I don't think I'd be able to handle this emotionally of physically.
 
As many of you now about me, "should" has been stricken from my vocabulary.

Veronica, warm hugs to you. It's natural to feel sad or anxious when this situation arises. However, I would try to squash the thinking of will this trigger pain? because you are in control of whether that is true for you! It does not have to trigger pain if processed , and if you don't believe it will trigger pain. Once you have had a situation arise and it did not trigger pain, it will be easier the next time a situation arises.

I would be writing out or talking (or crying) out my feelings while waiting, and also work on accepting however it turns out. I realize it's tough to work on the mind wandering down certain roads; I've got my own issue going on where I try to be very aware of when my mind wanders down the "what if [this or that] happens" road. And though right now I don't know how a certain situation is going to turn out, I do know that I will be able to handle it!
 
Veronica, I hope your dog is okay. Hugs to you. I really like the idea of taking breaks from the grief. We could all benefit from taking breaks from our strong emotions.
 
Veronica:

Hope your dog is feeling better and hugs to you for taking on this journey. You've mad giant strides since starting here with the program and seemed to jump to health rather quickly.

Be kind to yourself. (You mention that in your post) Take time for yourself - and yes. Gratitude is key.

Be well.

BG
 
It's times like these - and there are many of them in our lives - when I wonder whether humans were gifted or cursed with our awareness of life and of the inevitable end of life. To live, to love, and to be loved is certainly a blessing, and the unconditional love we receive from animals is something really special - but it also means that they can break our hearts like nothing else.

Here's the thing: there may indeed be worry and sadness ahead, but a true emotion does not cause chronic pain symptoms - it is the repression of true emotions that causes that kind of pain.

Lori speaks wisely when she says
try to squash the thinking of will this trigger pain? because you are in control of whether that is true for you!
Click to expand...
Your dog's illness might trigger your own fears of mortality and issues of abandonment (two of the "four core issues"), which means that your brain will want to work harder to keep them repressed. If there's going to be pain, that's where it will come from - but knowledge is power, and you have both the knowledge AND the power.

We'll be here for you, V.

Jan
 
Sadly we had to have my dog put to sleep on Monday. Although this has been a tough time for me emotionally I have been having little to no pain. I know if I can go through something this intense and not have much pain or anxiety that I have a pretty good handle on TMS now.
 
So sad, Veronica - I'm sorry. Yeah, I've been there - the sudden diagnosis and having to make that hard decision for quality of life and a dignified end for a much-loved dog - it leaves you wrung out. So I'm sad for you, but also happy that at the same time you are able to give yourself credit, and even celebrate, your success in taking charge of your own quality of life. That's truly great news.

It's a roller coaster ride - we might as well enjoy it as such.

Jan
 
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