Day 3 Update on advances and also some questions :)

[PhillipAndr]

It's day 8 actually.

I get goosebumps all over my body as I begin to type. Things are moving fast with the work that I've been doing this past week.

I feel so empowered right now, as I made the mindset shift of moving away from fighting my symptoms towards changing my mindset about them. Whenever I experience fear, frustration or a sense of pressure when they appear - I stop and say to myself "Don't give a shit" - instantly I feel free again. I have realised that I don't have control over my symptoms, but can control my reactions towards them. It's been fabulous, I've been pushing myself gradually out of my comfort zone and have been incrementally doing things that I used to be afraid of before - as they may have exacerbated my symptoms. I'm being gradual as I am aware that my nervous system needs to adapt gently, but can definitely see a bright path forward. The success stories have been essential for my progress, and all the reading I've done has really helped me change my mindset gradually.

As a perfectionistic, g0-getter, I'm also incredibly mindful of not putting myself too much pressure when doing this program. I'm allowing myself to experience more joy and happiness during my day, even with simple things - instead of being 24/7 vigilant on the state of my symptoms.

I'm doing a daily body scan to check where in my body repressed emotions may be manifesting, and then giving them space to come to the surface.

I feel excited about what's to come.

For the ones further along in this journey I have a question:

- I'm confused. I understand that the idea here is to let go of the anger and fear associated with the symptoms, while at the same time find pathways for repressed emotions to be expressed (and stop repressing them) by journaling and therapy. But, if I'm not expressing the anger that I have towards my symptoms, wouldn't I be repressing this anger and perpetuating forms of repression?

Any comments on this would be very welcomed.

I've been very mindful of the emotions I'm experiencing this week after starting the program. One of the key insights I've gained is that I have been living with A LOT of fear. I didn't know that I was feeling so much of this emotion before I started the program. I think this emotion is the key one that makes my symptoms exacerbate. But also, something that I noticed is that often, after I start dating someone, I'll get sick instantly. So I think there is quite a bit going on in that space as well. I'm doing by best to be very mindful of triggers during my day and observe how they make emotions come to the surface. A big challenge as I haven't felt proper emotions in a long while. Probably as I was flooded with fear.

Happy recovery everyone <3

 

[Ellen]

For the ones further along in this journey I have a question:

- I'm confused. I understand that the idea here is to let go of the anger and fear associated with the symptoms, while at the same time find pathways for repressed emotions to be expressed (and stop repressing them) by journaling and therapy. But, if I'm not expressing the anger that I have towards my symptoms, wouldn't I be repressing this anger and perpetuating forms of repression?

This is a good question. The goal is awareness of unconscious emotions. Making the unknown known, so to speak. If you are aware of the anger you have about your symptoms, then that emotion is not repressed. We can choose to suppress the emotions we are aware of feeling. This is suppression and not repression. In suppression you are making a conscious choice not to express the emotion. There are good reasons to suppress emotions in many situations, such as suppressing the anger you might have toward your boss at work. It isn't necessary to express anger (or other emotions) to be free of TMS, but rather to be aware of our emotions and to feel them. It's an internal process.

There may be some value in outward expressions of sadness or grief through crying. I'm not up on the research on this. But outward expressions of anger can come with high social cost that may outweigh any benefit.

Congratulations on all your progress.

 

[Ellen]

I should add that expressing emotions through journaling is a technique that many people find useful.

 

[PhillipAndr]

Thanks! I've been doing a lot of pillow shouting, and that has helped a lot to release trapped anger and also understand other emotions attached to it (such as sadness). I'm realising that it's not useful to get caught up on the anger/frustration/fear towards the symptoms as that's not where the real reason for my issues are. The real issues are related to my trapped emotions, my inner bully or inner critic, and my excessive fear responses. I can be angry at those things and getting in touch with that anger can actually help me move forward.

 

[Diana-M]

I'm allowing myself to experience more joy and happiness during my day, even with simple things - instead of being 24/7 vigilant on the state of my symptoms.

Congrats on all your progress, @PhillipAndr! What a great attitude! You are inspiring. I think you are right: fear does drive this TMS. Have you ever listened to Dan Buglio on YouTube? (PainFreeYou.com) He says TMS is caused by perceived danger.