Day 13 Unsent Letter to my Sister

I rent a house with my older sister and her family. She has always been a very emotional person, prone to stress and lashing out at others. She suffers from chronic low back and hip pain. I believe her pain is also TMS. I can relate to the pain, but not much else. She is married, a stay-at-home mother of 2 young girls with a boy on the way. I am responsible for myself, while she is responsible for an entire household. I attempt to hide my stress/anxiety, while she makes hers known to all in our home. Her stress is infectious. She is quick to become agitated. She yells a lot, especially to the oldest daughter and her husband. Her husband is a really patient guy, easy going. But he takes the brunt of her stress/anger. If he doesn't anticipate what she wants, she scolds him. "Why didn't you give the kids a bath yet?!" "Can't you see that I need help with this?!" "Why are you spending money on THAT?!". It goes on and on.

I know that marriages are often a struggle because two individuals are trying to figure out how to live one life. But this is beyond the normal struggles of marriage, in my opinion. He is her punching bag. And I worry that one day he'll have had enough of it and leave. She almost never talks to me the way that she talks to her husband and kids. She knows that I don't put up with that kind of thing. I've tried to help her cope with stress, but I honestly don't believe she realizes how much of her emotional issues affect her husband and kids. Our parents divorced when I was 16 and she was 19. We both remember the fighting and general unpleasantness of a failing marriage. We have both seen therapists. Still, we have our emotional scars from that time. I do believe that living in a house with my sister's unhealthy marriage has triggered repressed emotions from my teenage years. I feel resentment towards her. I would love to move and get my own place, but I don't have the money to do that yet. I've tried to introduce Sarno and TMS to her, but she is very much entrenched in the "I'm disabled" mindset. I'm hoping that becoming pain-free myself will help spark her interest in mind-body medicine. It could do wonders for her health, her marriage, and raising her kids.

- Matt

 

Wow, thank you for sharing your story. This really strikes a nerve with me. I realize I am much like your sister...I lash out at my wonderful husband who is only supportive and empathetic to my TMS situation. I know I, personally, lash out because I don't know how to feel those painful, repressed emotions and have always low self-esteem and confidence which only piles on top of the frustration and pain. I'm not exactly sure yet how I can heal and change how I feel about myself, but I believe SEP and being open and honest with myself and others will only help the process. I really empathize with your situation...it cannot be easy, especially when you are prone to taking in that energy and are on a healing path yourself. I also empathize with your sister...it would be wonderful if everyone would be open to change and healing, but unfortunately that's not the case Something that has resonated with me is something Dr. Isaiah Hankel said - Don't feel sorry for those who are not open to change - many of them WANT to suffer. Just like Dr. Sarno has said - it's an unconscious thing, change is terrifying, even if we know the change is for the better. I really feel for your situation. But am so proud of your motivation to move forward. That's all you can do - work on your own process, help others where you can. I wish you luck on your journey and on your current living situation.