MSZ812
Well known member
I had a great relationship with my dad, until about the age of 13. Until that point, he was a superhero in my eyes. I always wanted to be around him. I would follow him everywhere. Most of my fondest childhood memories involve me and my dad. I vividly remember one weekend when I was about 10. We were replacing our backyard fence, a big task because of the size of our yard. During the two day project, there was an air show going on about 4-5 miles away at a local decommissioned base. As we worked in the hot sun, we got to see all kinds of fighter jets zip past our yard from only a few hundred feet above us. It was awesome. It's the kind of bonding experience every parent and child want, especially between father and son.
My parents began fighting when I was 13 or 14 years old. The loving household was no more. I was angry with both of my parents. I didn't understand what was going on, why they no longer got along. They didn't tell us anything. I would overhear tidbits of the problems during arguments: money, you're not the person I married anymore, you're the one who didn't listen to our counselor, etc. I wouldn't find out for a couple years what sparked the issues with them. I was going through my own changes. Puberty. I've heard it's normal for a young man to start seeing his father differently as he grows up. I started seeing all of the flaws in my father. He was hard-headed, impulsive, and pretended that there was nothing wrong with his marriage other than the fact that my mom was always upset with him. He didn't take responsibility for his actions or words. When my parents eventually separated, my dad continued to deny that he had changed. He refused to get any more marriage counseling. The onus was on my mom to take him back with no conditions. And that didn't happen. The divorce was rough, and both parents wanted my siblings and I to pick sides. I felt a great responsibility to protect my mom, as the only "man" left in the house. I definitely carry some resentment towards my father. I was just a kid and wasn't ready to step into that role. He never taught me to be a man. And today, I feel it. I'm not married, don't have children, and am struggling to find a fulfilling career. I've been scared of relationships ever since my parents divorced. Scared of hurting and being hurt. Scared of becoming my father.
I have a good relationship with my parents today. My dad lives in another state, but I'm able to see him 2-3 times a year and we talk on the phone regularly. He has apologized to me for that whole time period. I've never spoken to him about all of the emotions and hardships during that time, only in generalities ("the divorce sucked"). I'm very resistant to sharing my feelings, in general. I'm working on it. If I could tell my dad one thing about that time period, it's this: a large part of being a good father is being a good husband. It's important for a child to see how much his dad and mom love each other.
- Matt
My parents began fighting when I was 13 or 14 years old. The loving household was no more. I was angry with both of my parents. I didn't understand what was going on, why they no longer got along. They didn't tell us anything. I would overhear tidbits of the problems during arguments: money, you're not the person I married anymore, you're the one who didn't listen to our counselor, etc. I wouldn't find out for a couple years what sparked the issues with them. I was going through my own changes. Puberty. I've heard it's normal for a young man to start seeing his father differently as he grows up. I started seeing all of the flaws in my father. He was hard-headed, impulsive, and pretended that there was nothing wrong with his marriage other than the fact that my mom was always upset with him. He didn't take responsibility for his actions or words. When my parents eventually separated, my dad continued to deny that he had changed. He refused to get any more marriage counseling. The onus was on my mom to take him back with no conditions. And that didn't happen. The divorce was rough, and both parents wanted my siblings and I to pick sides. I felt a great responsibility to protect my mom, as the only "man" left in the house. I definitely carry some resentment towards my father. I was just a kid and wasn't ready to step into that role. He never taught me to be a man. And today, I feel it. I'm not married, don't have children, and am struggling to find a fulfilling career. I've been scared of relationships ever since my parents divorced. Scared of hurting and being hurt. Scared of becoming my father.
I have a good relationship with my parents today. My dad lives in another state, but I'm able to see him 2-3 times a year and we talk on the phone regularly. He has apologized to me for that whole time period. I've never spoken to him about all of the emotions and hardships during that time, only in generalities ("the divorce sucked"). I'm very resistant to sharing my feelings, in general. I'm working on it. If I could tell my dad one thing about that time period, it's this: a large part of being a good father is being a good husband. It's important for a child to see how much his dad and mom love each other.
- Matt
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