Unpredictability, Ephemerality, and Loss of Control

[lexylucy]

I am having a surge in pain in my neck. A sudden onset which could be easily dismissed as a "sleeping injury." I know I have TMS so I am exploring the idea that the cause may be psychological in nature.

I am trying to hold on to the things I love in my life. My dog, my boyfriend, my place of living, my various career paths, my health, my dreams.

Whenever I allow myself to explore and go deep in to my feelings what I feel is a sense of the unpredictability and capriciousness of life. A feeling like anything could happen at any time. A loss.

I am reminded of when I was younger and a whole bunch of change happened - my dad left, my ma had to go to work - a thing she did not expect, I had to leave my friends and a private school I loved and go to public school.


I am feeling better just writing this down. Thanks for your support and for being there.

LexyLucy

 

[plum]

Life is beautiful and cruel. This is why it so precious and exquisite. Having been on the receiving end of such capriciousness and duly lost much I have to say that even the eye of that storm is beautiful, quiet and majestic. I think you touch something during those times that will change you for the better if you let it, and so much dross falls away. Tragedy is weirdly liberating.

I would say to cherish the things you love. Love them fully. Set your heart ablaze with love.

Anything can happen. And it does. The only sadness would be to regret not loving and living as an authentic, vulnerable soul.

Thanks for your lovely post.

Peace xxx

 

[mncjl123]

Thanks for the posts! I feel so stupid as half the words in your posts I had to use a dictionary to find out what the words mean. I have a masters degree, but evidently not in English.

 

[lexylucy]

HAHAHA!!! Indeed. Soaking it in I see...

On that note yes plum I agree. There is something precious and unexplainable when in the eye of the storm.

And in my heart now I see- my father is at home. My mother is free from financial fear. She can rest now. And me - I am surrounded by friends, and in a place I love to learn again.

LL