I've come to a conclusion that anger is my most repressed emotion. I am a "goodist" with a STRONG superego, a lot of rumination and OCD about symptoms, a fear of exercise, and a VERY enraged and caged ID. I feel like my TMS is my inner "beast" (ID) rattling the cage of superego, and that he has been cooped up in that prison of guilt for a LONG time, perhaps most of my life, and certainly in the last 16 years, since the loss of my parents. I had a private conversation once with one of the beloved grand eagles, and he told me he had a "Vicious Superego". I found this fascinating and it really resonated with me. I feel like my Superego is CONSTANTLY bullying me. Does anyone else resonate with this? And how do I fix it? Do I "unleash the beast" of ID, and allow him some voice through journaling or some other safe way of anger expression or do I strengthen my ego more? How do I tell my Superego to take a hike and allow my ID to come out? The more I coax the "beast" (primal feelings) out of their cage, the less my TMS hurts. For me, it is my upper back, shoulders, neck. My upper back muscles are in a constant state of freeze, like a cat with it's hackles up. I feel like I am carrying so much tension and I just want to let go. I want to begin a dialogue with this inner tension, in a deep way and let the beast know it's ok to come out. I have so much rage, and it scares me, but a part of me knows it's the key to healing. I "know" intellectually that my anger is causing this physical pain, but when I try to "feel" angry, the pain just gets worse. It's like a disconnect, as if the Superego has muted the ID for so long, it cannot come through. Thoughts? Do I sound crazy? Even as I type this, my neck is going into spasm. SOME part of me is DESPERATELY trying to keep my inner anger down. As TMS therapist Nicole Sachs says, it feels like I am trying to hold an inflated beach ball of my feelings under the water...stay afloat...and my shoulders and neck are killing me. I can't stop "thinking" my feelings. And that has gotten me nowhere good. I think, think, think, hurt, hurt, hurt, and I feel like my feelings are encased in ice. My shoulders and neck are the frozen physical manifestations.