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TRY New Improved, TMS recovery Lite TM

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Baseball65, Aug 26, 2017.

  1. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    TMS recovery lite is the stuff on this board like 'But I am special because Dr. so and so said I have an overactive such and such, and he agrees with Sarno BUT I AM DIFFERENT because of (fill in event, reason, cause, new diagnosis) and Dr. So and so said I need special such and such and though we intellectually agree with TMS and it explains virtually everything that has ever happened to me I need more help because I am more scared, more lonely, in more pain…etc.etc.etc… Yuccchh

    Never been so glad to be dead average in my life.
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sorry... (boy that felt good) I didn't have internet for a few weeks... Moving (TMS bait) in to take care of my MOM (TMS Bait+) and gave up my little hideaway paradise to be 'responsible guy' TM. As Sarno once said , he doesn't treat symptoms.... this work is to prevent them from happening.

    Perusing the forum I noticed a host of new maladies, exceptions and specialness... If you want to get better you better get unspecial in a hurry!

    I just moved three households into one. Many of the people who 'helped' magically got busy at the wrong times (rage) My mom has dementia (rage) and I am now her primary first and foremost caregiver (NO F-ing way). My sons are Rock stars, My girlfriend is a spoiled hypergamous princess and my siblings are 'here's a check, gotta run, bye' ball droppers.

    THAT is why I haven't had a shred of a symptom...because I am aware of all of those bad feelings about people I love. I have also been through the blender enough times to know I am treading a TMS Minefield so I keep close tabs on rage inducing things... like needing to watch my Mom, but needing to manage a Job, get to guitar lessons, pay bills and still stay sane alone.

    That's was Sarno's gift to us... the awareness that we CAN do all of this stuff painfree as long as we realize that right now, in present tense , I am NOT a good guy TM. I have been conditioned to be as such by a lifetime of experiences and I can't think my way out of it anymore than Pavlov's dogs could think their way out of salivating.

    Colly, readytoheal, Ewok and 4 others like this.
  3. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Hi Baseball65,

    OMG, I am a caretaker to my mom as well. Had to make a lot of CHANGES to. My TMS came on like CRAZY. My Dad had died four years ago and many of my family members got greedy.

    I was left to move in and have to take care of my Mom whom after my father passed, one of my family members decided to move to a retirement community.

    I lived with her for TWO years and traveled 30 miles one way for a part time job because the job market in the retirement area was NILL.

    I did everything a good caretaker would do. Cook meals, bathed her, took my mom to hair appointments, Doctors appointments...You name it....

    During that time The TMS came in like crazy and there are so many symptons I endured...

    About a year ago, my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This broke my HEART!!!

    Hospice told me to place her in an assistant living house. I could no longer take care of my Mom and I am 5 feet 2 inches and weight in at 96 pounds. UNDERWEIGHT from all the stress.

    To my surprise she did well in the assistant living house. No cancer pain, and was still able to eat and have a good quality of life.

    I would take my Dog to the assistant living and to visit her FRIDAY, SATURDAY, and SUNDAY's...My Mom was always so happy to see us and the residents only 8 people LOVED our visits.

    Then about two months ago, the owner sold the facility and NEVER told anyone. The new owners were abusive and I had to pull my mom out of there ASAP.

    I placed her in a new home and within four days the owner caretaker told me she didn't want to take care of my Mom...

    I had to place my Mom in hospice in take for five day respite care for five days until I could find a new assistant living facility.

    But things happened in the hospice intake as they started DRUGGING my Mom with MORPHINE...

    The in take doctor said my Mom had only 5 days left of life and basically he was trying to swindle us so they could pay there large overhead. My family members wanted to keep my Mom there to die, but, I didn't think she was ready and I was horrified with how they were drugging her.

    I had already found a nice place for my Mom but the Doctor kept telling telling me to NOT move her as she would die.

    Long story short one of my family members made me responsible for the bill and didn't even tell me. So at the end of a month the doctor finally released her and I had a bill of $4000.00 hanging over my head.

    And thanks to all the drugs hospice gave her she is now in a vegetative state and can't talk.

    I had to fight the bill and I WON and now have to deal with my Mom not able to talk and just lies in bed. At least the new facilitiy take good care of her.

    My Mom was not this way before in take.

    Where are my family members now??? BACK in California and leaving me to deal with the mess.

    There are many things like having to sell my Mom's house and before the cancer diagnoses I had quite my job to take care of her until I couldn't do it anymore.

    I had to sell her house and move with no job. The symptons I endure while living with her and after are as listed:


    1) 6 months of chronic GROIN PAIN (finally my Doc to CAT scan) NOTHING WRONG AND IT WENT AWAY.

    2) TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA (This was horrible FOUR MONTHS) and it was hell ride. IT too went away after the doctor did MRI and I listened to Divide mind from Doctor Sarno.

    3) 9 months of SCIATIC NERVE Pain on the right legt that came on four days after the trigeminal pain left. It came on when I came home after work only to find my mom had almost burned down the house because she tried to toast a paper thin cookie.

    4) Ganglion cyst (left wrist)t that came out of nowhere it hurt so bad that even urgent care told me to go to hand specialist. At the time the sciatic nerve pain was on the back burner. Well, I got so angry that my body was failing I took a book a smashed it. That night I listed to Divide Mind and no more cyst.

    After Ganglion cyst disappeared it was hello right sciatic nerve pain again

    While staying at my my cousin's condo and with no job the right pain sciatic nerve started to finally get go. I was never scared because I believed in TMS.

    5) Right Elbow Pain (so bad I was wishing for the sciatic nerve pain to come back instead)

    6) WHITE TONGUE three doctors thought was thrush but all test came up negative. This symptons has scared me the most.

    7) Knee pain started on the left collateral ligamenet and is now on the right in a different area of the knee.

    So my life in a nutshell my Mom is now placed in a good place in her last days. She doesn't know me anymore and can't talk thanks to the MORHPHINE and lack of care, ie food and water that wasn't given to her.

    I have a part time job just shy of 20 hour for full time.

    My family members have gone and left to be with my dying Mom who was my best friend.

    To be honest sometimes my body feels like a 500 hundred year old person. I need to get back to the gym...

    Every day is a new pain or stiffness in my body. The only thing that remains the same is WHITE TONGUE.

    Oh, btw, I too play guitar, electric guitar and nylon. I was the eternally youth chick who never grew up, but, I had a responsible job.

    I never lived my true self. Now, since this all happened, I don't even know who I am anymore...There were some major changes in my life.

    I would never like to complain or talk about symptons, but this mind body stuff is REAL and we are all proned to it.

    Last edited: Aug 27, 2017
  4. riverrat

    riverrat Well known member

    Oh my gosh Kalo!

    My heart is with you and though no one ever completely understands what we're going through, I do relate to your caretaking situation and being abandoned by our family members who leave us to do it all. I commend you for all you've done for your mom, feel proud of what a wonderful child you are to her, you've done a great job! I'm sorry for what you and your mom are going through. My situation is similar and if you ever need to talk, just ask.
    Lily Rose and plum like this.
  5. Memawjan

    Memawjan Peer Supporter

    I can also identify with your story. I too was a major caregiver for my mother who had dementia. She was in and out of 4 facilities and finally back at home with a sitter before she passed away a few months ago. She was also my best friend. Watching her go through what she went through the past 7 years was devastating. I've had major lower back pain for years and always thought it was connected to my nerves and stress. I stumbled across Dr. SARNO 2 weeks before she passed away. I thought he was writing the book about me! I think i have now read every book on the subject at least twice! I now realize I have had Tms my entire life. Being a caregiver and watching someone you love suffer for years is a playground for tms. I know I have much work to do trying to recover from this.
    Lily Rose and plum like this.
  6. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    I am happy that baseball65 posted this thread...I hope I am not hijacking it....But it is important to see what people who are caregiving and witnessing their parent's or loved ones pass....What it can do and how sadness, rage, lonliness can do to the body...IT IS REAL!!!

    When my Mom finally passes, I don't know what I will do. I am not wanting sympathy, and do not want to live by a label...But, at an early age I was diagnosed with Autism spectrum but didn't know until my 40s...My Parent's were my best friend, and Mom and Dad seemed to love me unconditionally, but didn't understand how to help me.

    That is all gone!!! So my body reacts to it in this way. I also found out I was adopted after my Dad passed away. ...I since started to read aClancy McKenzies's book on separation anxiety....

    I don't know what will happen too me when my Mom goes, but, dating is hard and because I lived with Mom and Dad for most of my life...I never developed friends....Again, I am not wanting sympathy, but, my family members do not seem to care...

    The problem now is how do I fix YEARS of brainwashing??? Years of being told I was damaged and will never amount to anything...Years, and I am not afraid to admit this of REPRESSED sexuality confusion which I now understand is a common trait with people who are on the autism spectrum...I was so ashamed off....Many other things I struggled with...I guess now into my late 40's I NEVER lived a normal life...

    How do I undo the damage of all this...Meditation??? Go back to rocking out and playing guitar??? Go on line and try to date???

    Last edited: Aug 27, 2017
    Everly likes this.
  7. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    @Baseball65 thank you. It's not a picnic, but it's as simple as one. Sarno said to people who crawled in on their hands and knees: "Get up. Sit in a chair. If something was wrong with you, you wouldn't even be able to crawl." My mind keeps the rotating wheel of symptoms, but it's gonna have to get over it sooner or later. I'm sticking with Sarno. Onward! I like your bluntness. I'm guessing that Sarno would dig you.
    plum likes this.
  8. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Simply lending my voice to the caregiving choir...

    I've earned my stripes. Unless you've been there or are there you cannot even begin to imagine the maelstrom of emotion that becomes a day-to-day reality on top of all the regular life stuff.

    Nothing cures entitlement and specialness like loving, living and nursing someone through a life-changing, life-decimating illness (or accident). It demands you realise what matters. It makes you strong of mind and compassionate of heart.

    Fall down 7 times. Stand up 8.
    Bury Me Standing.
    I'm here for the duration.
    This is my devotion.

    Bless every carer and caregiver on this site.
    Lily Rose likes this.
  9. Memawjan

    Memawjan Peer Supporter

    Well said, plum.
  10. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Nope. You're giving it voice. This is good.

    Grieve my dear Kalo.
    And then create. Music. Madness. Meditation. It doesn't matter. Just sink your teeth into it with relish. That is how you will find yourself.

    Much love xxx
    Lily Rose likes this.
  11. Memawjan

    Memawjan Peer Supporter

    All of us who were/are care givers understand. I'm sure you have done the best you could for your mother as I did as well. I'm so sorry for what you and your mother are going through. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
  12. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    I thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes. I pray for everyone who has gone and who currently going through the caregiving experience.

    I am grateful for the TMSWIKI and its group of TMSers and for the KNOWLEDGE of information it has regarding emotions and TMS!

  13. Ewok

    Ewok Peer Supporter

    I like your post. I oddly feels good to have someone call bull shit on my excuses.

    Can I ask, you say you aren't having symptoms at the moment, despite a stressful time, because you are aware of your feelings - what does being aware of your feelings mean to you? Do you just think about how you feel about about the situation? Or do you try not to think and instead sit down and try to sense the physical sensations of the emotions that are coming up in your body? Or something else?
  14. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    It means taking a daily 'inventory' of what is going on in my life. If anything miffed me, scares me, wrong foots me it IMMediaTELY hits paper. I don't do any of the esoteric stuff I read on this board like 'try to FEEL my emotions'.... TMS's main culprit is anger and than anxiety (fear...of an anger fueled situation or the future). It's nothing special....it's the same format used by 12 step groups in the 4th and 10th steps.

    I have learned enough about myself to be bored to tears with my consistency.....but I do it anyways. And I have had pain a grand total of about 1.5 days this year.

    Sarno said that most people would rather deal with the painful emotions than feel a symptom.... but the body makes a command decision. I have 'conditioned' myself to review it consistently....when I get angry my first instinct is PAPER/PEN The only lapses I have had are when I thought I was 'too grown up' to deal with base anger...and I got a swift correction
    Lainey likes this.
  15. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    As a carer you don't have to look far or fish deep for the sources of rage. They are in your face. Every Single Day. I've had it today. Mother-in-Law is ailing and a certain brother-in-law is on the phone telling us what to do instead of getting in his sports car and driving here to deal with it. Buck-passing f8ckhead is lucky my hubby answered the phone. If you want someone to care in lieu ask a carer.

    This is my hot-headed response. I totally agree there is nothing esoteric about emotions at all. No need to think or spin into intellectualisations. It's impossible not to feel anger. Give it voice, either literally or on the page. It's the stuffing down and relentlessly putting up with sh*t that takes the toll.
    Lainey and Lily Rose like this.
  16. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Boy, that sucks PLUM!!! You should of told him you come here and help...Easier said then done for us "do gooders"...

    I finally went back to the gym and I haven't been in four years. But here is a scenario...I don't think there is a one size that fits all when it comes to TMS healing. So, I am at the gym rocking out with my head phones on..All of a sudden hospice social workers calls..I couldn't answer cell in time...She leaves a message: I saw your mom today, have you planned funeral arrangements? Can I have the name your brother and sister in laws address" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

    Well guess what happened to me?? I immediately went into FIGHT OR FLIGHT...I could feel my pain SOAR!!! I know my demons....I just can't get out of the flight or flight shit...

    It is all in my head...Not whats going on...

    So, sometimes, its not enuff to right stuff....How one reacts to life matters too...

    Lily Rose likes this.
  17. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I totally understand. The only way I've found of calming that fight/flight response is to maintain an on going discipline of going swimming and doing yin yoga BUT it's virtually impossible to do it as often as I need. When I can do it I find all the stress manageable and my pain levels drop to around 20%. It's a huge challenge Kalo and I know there are no easy answers. All we can do is carry on and do our best to release as much as the rage and stuff as we can.

    I find writing and speaking about stuff does help if you have something on your mind. With the day-to-day I need to factor in a lot of breathing space. Being outside, going for a walk, being in Nature...it's soothes the nervous system.

    The other thing that really helps is humour. Me and my hubby have a really dark sense of humour and he has a way of transforming a tense and horrible situation with one comment. I like to watch my favourite comedians on YouTube as well. Laughter takes the pressure off and gives you strength to carry on. I know it can be hard to find things to laugh about but it really helps.

    You're in a tough situation but with time, patience and self-compassion you can calm yourself out of that state and get better at handling triggers and such. Go gently sweetheart.
    Lily Rose likes this.
  18. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    You are CORRECT, easier said then done!!! It's not easy to get out of fight or flight as life happens!!!

    Recently, I would beat myself up for the way I responded to situations, but, I realized that beating myself up also stressed me out. I realized I was trying to be perfect and scolding my inner child for being stressed wasn't good either..

    This forum is a great place to learn...And, I am thankful for that.

    Lily Rose likes this.
  19. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    It helps to ring-fence the demands made on you. Here are two things I do:

    1. Turn your phone off. You can't be constantly available and not become hypervigilent. You need downtime when you cannot be reached.

    2. Either read or play music. Make time each day to read from a real book. Studies have shown that reading an actual book (not a kindle etc) engages the parasympathetic system. It takes about 5 minutes for this to happen. Read a chapter a day.

    Or play music. Put on some headphones and lose yourself. Create playlists for different moods and needs.

    These are small ways of grounding yourself in more peaceful states.
    Lou, Lainey and Lily Rose like this.
  20. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Thanks you Plum :)

    That is wonderful advise and I will try some of the suggested examples you have provided!


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