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toxic family members mocking my pain

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by sarah2254, Aug 8, 2020.

  1. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    I have been working hard to deal with TMS and have seen improvements. This week, I typed for 7 hours, 4 days in a row, without any aids and did not allow my hand pain to intimidate me. It is still there but I've been working really hard to manage my pain and anxiety.

    This is all great, but I have a few toxic people in my life who are bringing me down and I just can't take it anymore..

    Both my dad and brother have used my hand pain against me in the middle of an argument. Both arguments started because I stood up for myself.

    My younger brother has told me, "You're going to be unemployed forever" to upset me. Today, I finally decided to stand up to my dad, who is extremely religious and thinks he has a right to control every aspect of my life (how I dress, who I befriend, who I date, etc.). I told him he didn't have the right to control me and he claimed that I was "imagining" a problem just like I imagined my hand pain. He began to ridicule my entire ordeal with pain.

    I'm so upset that he used something so sensitive to me and tried to insinuate I was fabricating.

    I lost my full-time job due to hand pain, so this is a very sore topic for me and yet my family continues to throw this in my face when they're upset with me. I desperately want to leave this house as it's not good for my mental health.

    I don't know where else to go for support and I'm emotionally exhausted...
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm sorry to read about your families lack of support. That does sound incredibly stressful and unhealthy. Your pain is very real but unfortunately chronic pain is poorly understood by most people and even the medical world. What is even more unhealthy is that you feel controlled. This is your life and you only have one so you can't live it on someone else's terms. There are no do overs in life and the worst thing to live with is regret. It's a good start that you asserted yourself but since you probably aren't going to change them or their belief systems, you will need to decide and plan your next steps. I don't know if you have other family or friends you could stay with but your environment does sound toxic. Right now you have care to more about what you think and far less about what they think. "To thine own self be true" is one of my favorite mottos.
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2020
    sarah2254 likes this.
  3. Sita

    Sita Well known member


    I used/use this technique when confronted with negative people. It's very effective. You don't have to believe, just do it, practice it. All the best!
    sarah2254 likes this.
  4. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    Thank you so much for your advice. You're right. At times, I feel the emotional turmoil my family puts me through is far worse than the physical pain. I have already told myself that I will not allow any amount of hand pain, no matter how bad it may get, to dictate my life anymore. I am planning to hold a full-time job again and move out as soon as possible. One thing I am grateful for is that TMS taught me to become a positive thinker. I used to always anticipate negative events, and now I realize my hand pain is a manifestation of my anxiety. I will continue to work on my anxiety and manifest the life I want instead. I love the motto you've shared. Wishing you well.
  5. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    Thanks for sharing! I will give this a shot
  6. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Sarah, you have the wisdom to know that everything that is happening, is actually happening FOR you, not "to" you. TMS is a catalyst for change. If you maintain this attitude, I have no doubt you will get better! What starts out as physical thing, ends up as an emotional/life journey. When we betray ourselves and our inner desires and suppress our own voice, the body says no for us in a sense. As awful as things may seem at this moment, it's temporary and you are far better off making changes now then realizing certain things when you are in your 40's (like me lol) and you can't go back to rewrite the script.
  7. Tms_joe

    Tms_joe Well known member

    That’s a very toxic relationship to use your own words. People who bring negativity into your life make your TMS journey more difficult. There’s no way to sugarcoat that. It doesn’t mean you MUST avoid them. That may not be the solution. Understanding their faults that cause them to act this way may be enough.

    it has zero to do with you, who you are, or where you will end up.
    sarah2254 likes this.
  8. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    this is very insightful. thank you for sharing. I have definitely been trying not to internalize their words and I am beginning to recognize where some of their destructive behaviours originated from. I am going to try to keep up a positive attitude and focus on my TMS goals. Have a great day :)

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