Day 9 Too much pressure

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this?

Usually pressure overtakes me. Being a health care provider is emotionally exhausting to give everything you have to others. Every patient feels like a job interview. If the patient feels cared for then they'll come back and if not they never do. Although there are patients that you wished would go somewhere else.

Patients tend to be abusive to their bodies especially their eyes in regards to contact lens abuse. I'd like to take away contact lenses from certain patients but then fearful of lost revenue. Even after educating patients of their destructive behaviors they seem oblivious to their habits. Therefore my education feels diminished or if too much harsh words are spoken the patient feels disciplined like a child. I'd like to change jobs where I no longer had to handle contact lens patients anymore.

When my wife and I were first married we felt more like a team. We both worked and she provided health care through her job. Nine years later she stays home, and feels compelled to home school our children. In some ways this is great but then I feel like I'm the sole income responsibility all the time. Our health care has ballooned to almost $800 a month premium since I'm self employeed.

There are times I feel ashamed that other individuals my age have kids that are in high school. My children are barely in school age years. Just having children regardless of when we have them should be a pleasant experience. Our first two children seemed to be pleasant for me, and felt like we were done. Our third child felt like I was up on the 5th rung of a ladder and knocked back to another 18 years of responsibility of parenting. Our third child has been very sweet and I'm glad she's a girl. She's almost two years old, and the days of diapering and sleeping in our room is almost over. Happy days are ahead !

Three things I'm thankful for today
1. Lunch hour at home playing 'Guess Who' with my son
2. My faith
3. The joy of hearing my youngest say 'daddy' when she sees me.

 

Hi, Ryan. I hope you are feeling better today. I am a strong believer that faith can help with TMS healing. You are very lucky to have children. I am a self-employed freelance writer and am 85 years old so I know what health insurance and other expenses are like. I never ask God for money, just for more work, and he always provides both. He will for you too.

 

Hi Ryan,

So glad you are doing the SEP program. It has helped me a lot. It's definitely a journey but you'll find a lot of truth and support here. I have also been relying heavily on my faith and it is helping me as well. I'm hopeful that you will find peace and joy as a result of your journey to healing.