Day 8 Today's "question to ponder"

Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain? If you have, how do these emotions make you feel? If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?

Yes and no. I can see what fear, which turns into anxiety, had/is having on this relapse. I was "fearing" a relapse for several days leading up to it, so is that just a coincidence? It can't be. So there was fear there, which I've come to learn this time around means that I wasn't actually "cured" yet - I've read that in Sarno, as well as watching some of his videos. Then, once the symptoms came on, the fear/anxiety was very intense for several days. It has lessened as I've been doing some of this work, but it still pops up though the day, and generally I notice I begin focusing much more on the symptoms. I get scared every time I think about having to go somewhere because it hurts to walk.

Also anger. I notice that when I'm starting to feel anger, the symptoms usually intensify. The flip side, however, is that if I journal about it uninhibited, like I did for today's unsent letter, I feel a bit relieved after, something like a bit lighter.

Anyhow, I'm still noting some resistance. It's difficult to articulate, but when I'm meditating, or trying to talk to my mind, I feel like the TMS notion has almost sunk in, but there's just something blocking it from making it down.... Again, I can't really explain it, but I actually "feel" it, it's not a visual. But I'm just accepting that that's what it is for now, just gonna keep doing the work here and going about my life. I like something I read from a post earlier: the person said something to the effect of, it's not about being free of the symptom, rather accepting it, even if it never goes away and the rest of your life is as it is now, it'll be OK, you'll get by. That's good to remember. In fact, last time I became free of the pain once I finally just accepted it, and thought, "ok, I can can by in life with it either way, so I'm just going to live my life".... that idea is seeming more difficult to me now, but that's OK too - I'll get there when I'm ready.

Thanks for reading.

Kev

 

Hi, KevinB. I think you were thinking the worst, that you would have a relapse of your symptoms and that brought on anxiety or fear. I have to constantly tell myself that there is nothing to fear. I will not let myself catastrophize. Things are seldom as bad as we make ourselves think.

I'm glad to read that you find help in writing a letter, getting your feelings out, then not sending it.

You most definitely will "get by." Tell yourself this while deep breathing and thinking calm thoughts, visualizing yourself in a peaceful place.