TMS visits again

I wanted to share an experience - something I am currently experiencing. I've been going to the gym to try and lose a few vanity lbs to not have to buy new pants. As I am going more often I have slowly been trying to keep eating better.
I had dinner with a new friend, we had mediterranean - he told me he had experienced diverticulitis and that this diet saved him. No problems, I was very happy to learn he is doing well and I loved the food. I asked to get the title of the cookbook to buy it. Meanwhile my wife and I are dealing with a death in the family. This individual had a hard life and passed away recently. The morning I am trying to find the mediterranean cook book my wife walked over and showed me that she received the information on the death certificate. I won't go into the details so not to trigger anyone/s health anxiety but part of what was on the death cert was Gastrointestinal (non TMS) issue. Later that morning I feel a churning in my stomach. I thought maybe it was the pour over which had some coffee grounds in it so I poured it out.

Later that afternoon I am rushing home and starving. I planned poorly and didn't make a lunch like normal. Nothing around me except a Jack in the Box and a Taco Bell. I know, great choices. Anyway, no big deal I got to taco bell and get something. Normally I dont ever feel bad when eating at these places so it's not a big deal. I do not they are not the measure of healthy eating but whatever. I get home about 20 mins later and I feel a pain in my stomach. Now I am not a stranger to TMS, I have had IBS also. This felt different. It felt sharp and crampy and pin like.

One would think it was the Taco Bell right? Well, this persisted just sharp small pains like little electric shocks that came and went. I thought is this TMS? I mean what are the odds right? I would say pretty good given my history. What I can assume was that it took a bit for the information of this individual passing away and the information of my friend with diverticulitis hitting my subconscious and creating fear. What if...?

The pain has persisted on and off for two days. I tried to just let it be there. I find myself feeling some fear mostly because of it's location. If it was in the same old locations I generally move on very quickly. But this near location concerned me, it preoccupied my mind as much as I tried to do other things. Eventually i got to sleep and intermittently woke up and the pain would be present but I don't recall being woken up by it but rather that it was there everytime I woke up. Eventually it went away all together and I fell into deeper sleep.

In my sleep I remember a dream, I felt afraid. I was facing a situation of being in a previous relationship and feeling uncertain about it and feeling like I was facing something scary. I wake up and it's still not there. I had some yogurt and then it shows up. Of course given the location its not logical for that part of my abdomen to hurt since it would be a while since the food would travel to that area. Anyway I'm connecting all the dots. My brain seems to like making worst case scenarios with information I get.

At the moment it's still coming on, then going away. It hasn't moved yet but the weird dizziness I had dealt with for 3 days prior is gone altogether. So there you go.

The challenge is really trying to allow myself to experience it without judgement even though its in a new location and I find my brain really preoccupied and worried about it at times.

 

Great example of the multiple twists and turns our TMS brains can take - and how they can manifest symptoms in so many different ways, even in just one person, over a period of only a few days! It's crazy! And it's for real!

Have you tried free-writing all of this out? Just get some old notepaper and start jotting down all of the different things that arose from this confluence of events and thoughts and emotions. The idea is to stop thinking and analyzing, and just see what comes out onto the paper without editing or worrying about handwriting or grammar or spelling or what you should or shouldn't put down. Absolutely do not pause to edit. Just talk to the paper. You are not going to go back and re-read it or analyze it in any way. The only goal is to just watch this combination of thoughts and emotions come out of your brain and onto the paper and by that very act to acknowledge their legitimate existence. Allowing these ruminations to be put down on paper is the therapy, after which you just throw it away.

 

Thanks Jan, I did just that. Worked very well. TMS moved out and all of Journaling really connected a bunch of worries that I wouldn't never have guessed were present at first. I see the value in Journaling more so each time.

 

I love to sit with pen and paper and free write, it's been a go to for me since I was a teenager. Another thing I do, especially when I'm worrying and I know there is no physical injury I need to take care of, is I talk to my brain like it was a friend.. Call me crazy if you like but it works for me. I say something like, "darling brain, you know this (insert your pain) is just a bunch of neurons turning on and off. This 'pain' is just the a brain cramp. We're good so please stop making this pain. I know your trying to show me something deeper, and I promise I'll pay attention to how I feel. It's okay you can calm down now." This really goes a long way to calming my sensitive nervous system. If you give it a try I'd love to know how it goes.