TMS running wild, new job lined up, scared

L

Lz123

Peer Supporter
Hi,

I am currently experiencing symptoms in both arms, I am 99% sure it's TMS. The issue is these things take time to cool down and time is what I don't have. I am supposed to start a new job, heavy use of hands involved with financial consequences (!) if I don't complete a 2 year contract. Honestly this is why I am probably not going to go with it. I know this is feeding the symptoms but I am unsure if Ill be able to work full time in time (in my experience reduction of symptoms is never instant) and the consequences could be dire. I feel a bit lost now and stupid for not staying at my old job.

I'm posting this just to vent. No matter how many times TMS reared its ugly head it always kinda went away, but it always comes back somehow. It's really tiresome dealing with symptoms and health issues all the time when I'm supposed to be living and making a life. I feel like whenever I solve one issue, another one pops up. I am never okay. I am never in a position to do anything worthwhile because either I feel like I'm literally dying or my arms hurt too much or something else. It's always something. I've done nothing worthwhile with my life because while everyone was living I've been dealing with symptoms and health issues (TMS)..Once or twice is fine, but it's been years at this point. I understand the symptoms are there because of fear and because my brain perceives danger but for crying out loud you can't deny that symptoms do impair function if they're strong enough. I know this will pass, it always has, but I don't know what I've done or what has happened in my life to warrant this amount of fear.I feel completely worthless and insane at this point. I feel like everyone looks at me like a moron who can't get his shit together. Every time a new opportunity is presented some schizo shit happens, some switch in my brain gets turned on and I end up just spinning my wheels. It's not even on a professional level, it's personal, hobbies even the gym. Nothing ever works out for me.

To end in a more positive note, somatic tracking has been helping and I am sure I will be better, I'm just not sure I'll be better in time and the gamble is to great in this particular case.
 
"Nothing ever works out for me.”

switch that to “I find it difficult to be uncomfortable”. You really can’t teach your brain safety if you truly believe nothing works out for you.
What if you just did the job, dealt with the symptoms and let them pass in a few days, a week, a month? Just remind yourself it’s TMS caused by anxiety and most likely the repression you seem to be unaware of.
Not wanting to feel the sensations, and avoiding anything that causes anxiety is a form of repression.
Just let yourself feel the anxiety, and the symptoms. It’s yucky and unpleasant but when we learn not to judge these feelings and be ok with them for awhile we simply no longer need them. That’s the magic of TMS work.
When they arrive again (or new ones visit) just ask yourself “ how am I feeling?” And just feel it. Fear of feeling fear, anxiety and sensations is the fuel for TMS fire.
 
Lz123 said:
I've done nothing worthwhile with my life
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Hi,
I want to say that first — you have done something worthwhile with your life. You are you. One of a kind. And you’ve survived and battled through what many haven’t been able to do. There is still life ahead— and it might be better than ever.

I’ve struggled all my life with TMS. Every job I ever had was some kind of a miracle to pull off. Every decision on which direction to go was calculated as to how I could fulfill the job if the symptoms lasted. (For the bulk of my life I didn’t even know it was TMS. I just thought I was a freak.) Only you know how far you can push yourself and what the job entails. But whatever you decide: there’s no shame in it. You are doing the best you can against some very difficult odds. And you’ll find a way to make money. One way or another.

As to why TMS keeps coming back? It’s probably more than just anxiety and perceived danger. You more than likely have more work to do to heal your life and your past. As long as your subconscious rage bucket is full— there will be TMS.
 
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Lz123 said:
I feel like everyone looks at me like a moron who can't get his shit together.
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It really is awful how we talk to ourselves. Truly, everyone does this, but TMSers are particularly bad. Be careful of this inner voice, recognize it when it does this stuff, and challenge that crap when it does it. We are our own inner critics, but we don't have to put up with the abuse. Would you talk like that to a friend? An acquaintance? No? Well don't talk that way to yourself.
 
You could get better in a short time. I dont know how long you've had your symptoms and there's no way to know if it'll get better or worse, but my arms were my main symptoms that started me on the TMS journey. My wrists and brachioradiales. Unfortunately, the subconscious/neural pathways involved don't care about your job. They didn't care about mine and I had many years of suffering to go through until I made it out. However, it ended up being a good thing because it taught me I could overcome a very difficult challenge. Like you, I thought I was worthless because I never accomplished anything. Now I feel like I'm one in a million for getting through it. This may be exactly what you need to raise your self esteem.
 
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