TMS revisit

[jokeysmurf]

Things have been really pretty good. Recently though, I decided to start exercising again. I developed a bit of a phobia about exercising because it elevated my heart rate, that seemed to trigger panic attacks. Then during 2020-2021 I was pretty afraid of contracting covid due to all the problems it was associated with, the heart being one of them. I was convinced I had covid several times during that time. I never did but I certainly avoided exercising intensely. I finally started working out and it has been an uncomfortable time. I had heart palpitations after my work out, or that's what it felt like. I went to my doc, and was very transparent about my journey with anxiety and TMS. She did an EKG, was perfect, this was Dec 2021. Then I really did get covid and recovered fine. The anxiety about it was making it worse than it was. Of course then crept in the worries about what it may have done to me. I quit exercising again. Then in early March I said screw it and started exercising again. Im about 2 weeks or so of running. Im running 2.5 miles a day. The runs are fantastic. Afterward I sometimes get heart palpitations, or the sensation of my whole body feeling like it's pulsing. I went to my doc, she said it was probably anxiety. The heart sensations lasted about 1.5 days on and off until I saw my doc, they dissappear right before I saw my doc. Then reappear afterward. Sound like TMS/anxiety to me also.

I had also had some left eye pain develop about 1.5 months ago that would come and go. I noticed that the eye pain would go away when I felt heart sensations and throbbing, then when that would go away my eyes would start hurting again. I had an eye check up I still have 20/20.

All of this sounds like TMS to me, the timing, the exchange of the symptoms, the sneakyness of it coming and going with incredible timing. Anyway, this may be more of an anxiety thing that TMS or maybe both. I'm going to keep plugging along.

Comments welcome.

 

[Dorado]

It sounds like you still don't feel safe. This is classic anxiety, which we all know kickstarts the mind-body symptoms. What are you doing for anxiety?

Despite running for long periods of time while playing for a sports team, an increased heart rate while drinking and dancing used to scare the hell out of me in college (probably because I didn't have time to think about my heart while playing in a game or scrimmaging thanks to the threat of flying balls and opponents). Sometimes I swore I was going to have a heart attack on the dance floor. Dramatic, I know - my heart was medically checked out and nothing was ever deemed dangerous or worthy of medication. I had some visitors drop in a few weekends ago and they wanted to go out clubbing; my Fitbit showed lots of intense activity from just after midnight until nearly 3 AM. Dancing and bouncing around the city translated into some excellent cardio. And you know what? I never once thought about my heart! Not even a single glance at my fitness device to see if my heart rate was elevated while dancing. Such a different story from a decade ago when I swore I was dying. It's possible to be free from this!

Exercising can do wonders for anxiety. It's also worth noting that anxiety itself can be a mind-body symptom.

 

[jokeysmurf]

Feeling safe certainly comes and goes. I would say that all of the things I mentioned about covid, in those moments I certainly didn't feel safe. I didn't feel safe after getting covid and then perhaps a bit after. I feel safe in many other ways and I am gaining the sense of safety with exercising each time. I suppose this amygdala is a bit of a bucking horse. Financially I dont feel safe and never really have and that continues to be a concern for me.

For anxiety, I meditate, I do grounding, I do EMDR when I can and I take my dogs out and go fishing. My anxiety is much much better than it ever has been but not around exercise. I still feel some ups and downs with it and it leaks into different aspects of my life which I can feel adds to the uncertainty of my life as person who doesn't earn a high wage. Anyway, I do think that is something I delve into deeper with my therapist.

It's funny you mention that you never paid attention to your heart rate and did all the things that would normally produce a panic attack. I find myself having moments like that and the moment I notice that I am not paying attention is when the anxiety or symptoms kick in. Kind of a classic example of Mind Body stuff. I will continue to accept everything that life presents to me with my best effort. It's been uncomfortable in many ways but also there are many good things happening in my life recently and I do appreciate those things tremendously.

Thank you for commenting. Oh, and I have also had weird things happen when I have a drink and then sometimes i feel totally fine if I am in good company thoroughly enjoying life I hardly feel the effects of a drink or two. Very telling of how our nervous system can react strongly or not at all.