Day 8 TMS Recovery up to this point

So, I still have another post in here whereby I throw the baby out with the bath water (Day 6, I think), but so far to date - I felt better thinking and feeling that it was TMS than anything physical. I don't believe the mind stops at the neck and then everything else from thereon down is just flesh. I recognise myself in a lot of the TMS literature; I may not be a high-achiever or a perfectionist, but I am the latter in the sense of being too fearful to even try. Poor self-image, low-self esteem, weak boundaries, highly sensitive to criticism - an HSP, in fact.

Yesterday, I broke and started doing my stretches again. And I may still continue, as from talking to a few other people, most notably Plum on this forum, to do the emotional work alongside other forms of healing is not necessarily a bad thing. So, that's where I'm at today - I fell off the wagon, am back on, but with a more holistic approach.

Things I've learnt - I do have an anger problem, I am quite repressed, I haven't said 'no' for a long time, I take on other people's problems, I used to believe that I was massively at fault with everyone who looked or seemed cross. I also think that the pain probably likes being regarded as such, and has loved the money I've thrown at it over the past year - hundreds, possibly running into four figures at least; spiky balls, laser therapy, sports therapists, massage therapists, therabands, massage, books, insoles, oils, painkillers...that's kept it all alive. Maybe I don't feel good enough just being me? Maybe I need to have a problem that can't easily be addressed conventionally in order to feel a bit special?

 

Sarah, I find a lot in common with your struggles. I'm no perfectionist either. I know plenty of those people though, and many of them have chronic pain too. I'm more of a low self esteem person, highly critical of myself and prone to isolate myself from others. I often get feelings of inadequacy when around my friends. Why do they like me? When will they begin to see me like I see me? Those are feelings that started a long time ago, and I'm on my way to discovering a better way to address those emotions.

I too have spent money on unnecessary "fixes". Physical therapy, massages, IcyHot, new mattress, new pillows. And using them to find relief only reinforces the false idea that the problem is structural.

Keep pushing, Sarah. A pain-free life is in your future!

-Matt