DreamAgain
Newcomer
Hey
I am a 38 yo male from latin america, but living in Europe at the moment.
I have been a ‘passive’ member reading along and using Curable for a year or so. Lately my symptoms have been very intense and the doubt around what might be going on is big. Would like to know your opinion.
Here is a short summary of my story:
2009 nov.: start of college and had a big panic attack, I thought it to be the first one, at least the first one this intense, I thought I would die, ended in the hospital, everything was fine but I was left with anxiety disorder and depression as well. Took Xanax to cope with the anxiety.
2010 april: was getting better, started tappering off of the Xanax, by the summer I was almost my old self.
2010 sept: anxiety came back as I was starting college again, for me a big stressor at the time. I did not want to go through it again so my doctor put me on Amilsupride (anti-psychotic) 50 mg a day. It did help the first year but as time went by it helped less and less.
2012: I stopped taking Amilsupride and thought I could cope with the anxiety but there were big changes happening at the time.
2013 - 2018: Than the timelime becomes what cloudy but between 2013 and 2018 I took Lexapro 10 mg (SSRI, antidepressant) for a year than stopped for a year than took it again for 2 years and stopped. It seemed each time I discontinued the meds, after a year and a few months, the anxiety came back. There were also big things happening in my life like, getting married, starting a new job, having a child. Lexapro helped a lot during this period, for me it was a miracle pill, however…
2018 - 2022: I was off Lexapro for 10 months or so we were having our second child and this time by october the anxiety was huge, but this time for the first time I started having very weird neurological symptoms… The left side of my body felt so off I ended several times in the ER. Tingling, numbness, burning, tension, and so on… all on my left side… I had the feeling I could not swallow properly through my left side. I was suspecting this neurological symptoms came because of the medication, cause they were different than the ‘classic’ anxiety I was used to.
I had an MRI and a CT of my brain. Also a EEG and was seen by a neurologist, they found nothing that could explain the symptoms.
I ended up taking Lexapro 10 mg again by nov. because I could not cope. After two weeks the symptoms had improved and my mood was getting better. But it took a while, 8 months or so untill I was ok. But the weird neurological symptoms were not gone for 100%. I still had this numbness on my skin, calf pain, knee pain, all on the left side of the body, the right side was ok.
During the last two years of treatment (2021-2022), i was taken 5mg and I noticed that my orgasms had become less intense and that it took me longer to reach orgasm, was afraid of SSRI caused sexual dysfunction. I gained a lot of weight, almost 40 kg, was emotionally numb, and almost lost my marriage because of that. So we decided to stop in the summer of 2022. By december of 2022 I was more emotionally present and the weight was flying off without doing any diet.
2023 - 2024: I was having good periods but also bad periods (windows and waves?) but the bad periods were manageable. After a 6 month stressfull period I started having more intense symptoms by the summer. The left sided neurological symptoms came back with a vengance.
I got neurological exams again, MRI, CT, EEG, also a electrical conduction test on my arms and legs, MRI of spine, was seen by 2 neurologist and a physiologist, nothing that could explain the symptoms.
I was determined this time not to take SSRI again because I thought/think, the meds caused this. I was not able to work, by the winter of 2024 I had also other symptoms like vestibular migraines, dizzyness, dp/dr, pots-like stuff, gastro intestinal issues, insomnia,… and so on….
2025: it was a bad year but bit by bit it started improving somewhat. I am able to work part time, but in periods it becomes challenging too.
Now, (oct. 2026) I feel like the numbness and tingling on the left have improved, but other symptoms have become worse. I feel the anxiety more, emotions are super intense, the negative ones mostly. There are patterns that I recognize from TMS and others that I recoginse from protracted withdrawal.
My doubt and believes: my serotonine receptors are damaged by the SSRI, thats why I have this horrible left sided symptoms.
Will my body be able to recover? I know this mindbody medecine for a year now and it helped but not as much, will it work for me? Or is it really the physical damage I have the cause of all this not working?
I would like to know your opinions. Thank you very much for taking the time. It is so a lonely journey and so dark and difficult at times :,(.
I am a 38 yo male from latin america, but living in Europe at the moment.
I have been a ‘passive’ member reading along and using Curable for a year or so. Lately my symptoms have been very intense and the doubt around what might be going on is big. Would like to know your opinion.
Here is a short summary of my story:
2009 nov.: start of college and had a big panic attack, I thought it to be the first one, at least the first one this intense, I thought I would die, ended in the hospital, everything was fine but I was left with anxiety disorder and depression as well. Took Xanax to cope with the anxiety.
2010 april: was getting better, started tappering off of the Xanax, by the summer I was almost my old self.
2010 sept: anxiety came back as I was starting college again, for me a big stressor at the time. I did not want to go through it again so my doctor put me on Amilsupride (anti-psychotic) 50 mg a day. It did help the first year but as time went by it helped less and less.
2012: I stopped taking Amilsupride and thought I could cope with the anxiety but there were big changes happening at the time.
2013 - 2018: Than the timelime becomes what cloudy but between 2013 and 2018 I took Lexapro 10 mg (SSRI, antidepressant) for a year than stopped for a year than took it again for 2 years and stopped. It seemed each time I discontinued the meds, after a year and a few months, the anxiety came back. There were also big things happening in my life like, getting married, starting a new job, having a child. Lexapro helped a lot during this period, for me it was a miracle pill, however…
2018 - 2022: I was off Lexapro for 10 months or so we were having our second child and this time by october the anxiety was huge, but this time for the first time I started having very weird neurological symptoms… The left side of my body felt so off I ended several times in the ER. Tingling, numbness, burning, tension, and so on… all on my left side… I had the feeling I could not swallow properly through my left side. I was suspecting this neurological symptoms came because of the medication, cause they were different than the ‘classic’ anxiety I was used to.
I had an MRI and a CT of my brain. Also a EEG and was seen by a neurologist, they found nothing that could explain the symptoms.
I ended up taking Lexapro 10 mg again by nov. because I could not cope. After two weeks the symptoms had improved and my mood was getting better. But it took a while, 8 months or so untill I was ok. But the weird neurological symptoms were not gone for 100%. I still had this numbness on my skin, calf pain, knee pain, all on the left side of the body, the right side was ok.
During the last two years of treatment (2021-2022), i was taken 5mg and I noticed that my orgasms had become less intense and that it took me longer to reach orgasm, was afraid of SSRI caused sexual dysfunction. I gained a lot of weight, almost 40 kg, was emotionally numb, and almost lost my marriage because of that. So we decided to stop in the summer of 2022. By december of 2022 I was more emotionally present and the weight was flying off without doing any diet.
2023 - 2024: I was having good periods but also bad periods (windows and waves?) but the bad periods were manageable. After a 6 month stressfull period I started having more intense symptoms by the summer. The left sided neurological symptoms came back with a vengance.
I got neurological exams again, MRI, CT, EEG, also a electrical conduction test on my arms and legs, MRI of spine, was seen by 2 neurologist and a physiologist, nothing that could explain the symptoms.
I was determined this time not to take SSRI again because I thought/think, the meds caused this. I was not able to work, by the winter of 2024 I had also other symptoms like vestibular migraines, dizzyness, dp/dr, pots-like stuff, gastro intestinal issues, insomnia,… and so on….
2025: it was a bad year but bit by bit it started improving somewhat. I am able to work part time, but in periods it becomes challenging too.
Now, (oct. 2026) I feel like the numbness and tingling on the left have improved, but other symptoms have become worse. I feel the anxiety more, emotions are super intense, the negative ones mostly. There are patterns that I recognize from TMS and others that I recoginse from protracted withdrawal.
My doubt and believes: my serotonine receptors are damaged by the SSRI, thats why I have this horrible left sided symptoms.
Will my body be able to recover? I know this mindbody medecine for a year now and it helped but not as much, will it work for me? Or is it really the physical damage I have the cause of all this not working?
I would like to know your opinions. Thank you very much for taking the time. It is so a lonely journey and so dark and difficult at times :,(.