TMS manipulating our mind for the worst?

first of all. sorry for my english. i don’t know if the title is correct.

6’2” 155 weight

have, eating disorder(eating mostly the same foods but healthy) , bodymorphia, herniated disc, depression, ocd, hormone issues, constipation, insomnio and a lot more.



but ever since I’ve had back pain i read and read online a thousand of stuff before I read sarnos book. i have 2 herniated disc. Before i read symptoms i didnt had much pain when sitting or walking. after reading what herniated discs cause i had pain everytime i even sit. now i fully recovered from that thanks to Sarno, Steve and this forum. now im dealing with a serious issue, hormones. i already went to like 7-8 endocrinologist. i have a pituitary tumor but it seems to be non functioning. i do have a mess in my hormones especially low testosterone

thing is, endocrinologist prescribed to me trt but after a lot of research (this was my problem) i denied every treatment because from what i read they can cause more harm than good + some do not know how to make me fertile to freeze sperm or to make kids. this worries me because how can i get treated knowing that i will become fertile, knowing that the protocols are bad, knowing that they dont measure all the hormone panel especially thyroid (my T3 is low) i have a lotttt of symptoms, worst is suicidal everyday (thoughts) and no motivation to even go to the gym.

I read online that maybe i was overtraining since my cortisol (urine 24 hours) was high. and decided to take 9 days off. its been 7 and i feel the same. like a car without gas. my entire family is worried my grandma who i live with is depressed because of me. im in therapy for ocd and now they want me to take ssri which since again i read online, im denying treatment.

the internet info has destroyed me. doctors just dont care because “i know better” and they just stop.

no heres the thing, is this tms telling me to keep searching for info so i deny everything so i dont get to attack tms? is this tms defending itself? its been 2 years searching for the cause and me denying treatment

 

Hi stevow7,

I am sorry about your worry about treatments/approaches. Second guessing Drs and going to Dr. Google can cause a lot of suffering, as you know!

I think you ask a good question: To what degree is my fear, which Dr. Sarno described as a bigger distraction than symptoms, a form of TMSing? I think you know the answer.

Second: To what degree is my not accepting treatment also TMSing. Good question!

One contemplation in this is "what is it I am trying not to feel in my fear and in my 'not treating' out of worry?" What is the underlying emotion which "does not want to be felt?"

You're not abnormal in all these fears! You are perhaps acting them out more than most folks would, which then makes treating them more clear, I think. You are able to connect your behaviors to TMS-thinking, which is very helpful.

Andy B

 

thanks a bunch andy!