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TMS coach recommendations

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by patrickj, Apr 10, 2023.

  1. patrickj

    patrickj Well known member

    I’m in the market to work with a TMS coach for a few sessions..

    Any recommendations?

    I have a session with Tovah Goldfein and Rose Hoey of TMS roundtable next week but I want some recommendations please.

    I have worked with a SIRPA hypnotherapist recently for 3 sessions but no success. I’ve asked to see Georgie Oldfield several times in person because she lives near me, but she doesn’t see patients in person anymore.

  2. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    You are most likely not going to “see success” (whatever that means) in three sessions. This work takes time. It is not about the therapist, it is about you.
    Stick to one thing, follow it through. Do All of a program, or All of your sessions with a coach. Rise and Tovah are amazing. Why not wait and see if you want more sessions with them.
    patrickj and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. patrickj

    patrickj Well known member

    Success means a significant reduction in daily chronic pain and other symptoms.

    I agree, 15 years of pain isn’t going away in 3 sessions. However, the therapist asked how I think it’s going after 3 sessions. I said there’s been 0% change in my symptoms. She appeared concerned and wasn’t convinced I’m in the right headspace to heal and my thoughts, beliefs and environment in between sessions is the reason why. So basically implied it’s my fault (after taking my money)

    What would you suggest I said?

    I get that the healing is on me but I expected a bit more from the therapist.

    Anyway, it’s encouraging to hear your thoughts on Tovah and Rose. I’ve spoken to Tovah loads and she’s great. I had a complimentary session with Rose who was very knowledgable but pressured me a lot into “feeling my feelings”
  4. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    “She appeared concerned and wasn’t convinced I’m in the right headspace to heal and my thoughts, beliefs and environment in between sessions is the reason why. So basically implied it’s my fault (after taking my money)“

    No, she did NOT say anything is your fault. She said your headspace is in a difficult place to heal and pretty much everyone here has said the same thing. @JanAtheCPA has pointed out why. That is part of the headspace, it is really difficult right now for you to hear, really hear and understand what people are saying. That is simply because your are on such high alert for all threats: mental, physical, emotional that it all seems threatening to you. If you truly understand tms work, you’ll realize that a reduction of physical symptoms is sort of like a side benefit to the reduction of mental suffering. This is hard for many of us who are desperate to understand. It was for me, and it took a lot of time. Sometimes people feel better in weeks, sometimes months. Patience is part of the mindset, stop blaming yourself for your situation, stick to a plan. Daily, for months, maybe years. Be open to the fact that you can not predict your healing timetable but at the same time realize there is hope. This is the headspace, and it can take time to get there when the mind is a busy swirl of thoughts and panic. The mind is where you start the work (and you get that!). Don’t panic when someone asks if you “feel better” don’t feel pressured, for the person trying to guide you may just be trying to get to know you and figure out the best plan of action. That can take many sessions.
    TMS work is about finding peace within yourself. Nobody can do that for you but that is not your fault.
    Ellen, miffybunny, JanAtheCPA and 2 others like this.
  5. Booble

    Booble Beloved Grand Eagle

    I don't know these or any therapists. But I'd like to respond that when she asked how things were going, I think she may have been referring to how was it going with you learning about TMS and uncovering your emotions, etc. From reading your posts, I can see why she might have said about being in the right headspace. You might not realize that you are doing this but it "sounds" as if you are looking for something like, "Take an Advil, Pain goes away."
    To succeed with TMS it's doing everything you can to "take the Advil" and then trusting that at some point the Pain WiLL go away.
    Note: that I'm being metaphorical. I don't mean take Advil. I mean spend time with your emotions.

    I don't think she was implying that it was your fault. I think she was implying that it's not really going to work until you are able to get out of that particular way of thinking.

    Patrick, I do think you can solve this. You've got a lot of shit tucked inside. If you can start getting that out. Focusing on that eventually the rest will take care of itself.
    Do you see the difference in mindset rather than, "If I do x, then y should happen?"
    You have to do x and forget about y.
    patrickj and JanAtheCPA like this.
  6. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is a profound distillation of the work. I wouldn't even modify it with "sort of" - I think this IS what it's all about. Awesome.
    patrickj likes this.
  7. patrickj

    patrickj Well known member

    Yes I do see the difference in that mindset… I’m getting there with improving that a bit, despite currently being in a bad spell. I’ve noticed I’m physically tensed all the time, I picked up on it during a meditation and so I’m noticing that and trying to relax my body.

    How would you suggest I feel my emotions? Or spend time with my emotions?

  8. Booble

    Booble Beloved Grand Eagle

    Well, I'm not a therapist and my methods might seem weird. But since you asked...........
    I'd talk to yourself. On a piece of paper with a pen is best. Ask yourself questions. And answer them from the deepest place.
    "What am I angry about?" "Who am I angry at?" Reach into your deepest self. "Am I mad at ____?" Admit your feelings. Whether they be jealousy. Whether someone didn't love you enough. What you were afraid of. Be your younger self. Talk to your younger self. Let your younger self answer. Let yourself go. Say (write) whatever.
    You can do it in your head but I find it only has the therapeutic effect when I do it via paper and pen. Something about the brain to pen stimulates the right areas of the brain.

    Whenever you feel the urge to symptom search, grab the pen and paper instead.
    If you do this every day for a week you will start to notice something lifting. But don't worry or think or check for that part. Just spend time with the emotions like this every day. After the first couple days when it's hard or sometimes scary, it becomes very enjoyable. Almost addicting. I now feel my inner childhood selves wanting to come and express themselves. (I realize I sound like a crazy person. I'm really not.)
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  9. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think that learning to feel emotions can be a different process for everyone.
    First I think it begins with acceptance. Think about it, your TMS began in it's earliest form because of some sort of internal conflict - in general it's about who we truly are and how the "world" sees us (or how we interpret how the world sees us). Acceptance is multi-level, and it is an evolving process - we are who we are. We are OK being happy, being angry, being sad - accepting that we are not perfect, and that we ARE loved and valued by people and also intrinsically by the universe (or God, however you see this great power). It's by accepting that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are your brain, but you are not your brain (even tho it often wants us to think it is) - your human essence like all sentient beings goes far beyond your simply being a brain or occupying space on this planet. It is that flicker of life within you. Neither good no bad - it just is. This is a big concept but I think it resonates with many people who meditate. You just accept who you are, who you have become and lessen the internal fight over things like: being told you are a perfectionist but you think that is "bad" for you, or being angry at things you have been taught you should not be angry at. Learning it's OK.
    The other thing is tolerance. You did not tolerate the breadth of emotions, and eventually created pain to feel SOMETHING. Some people feel some emotions, others feel none. You become aware that you don't feel emotions "somehow"...however you kind of do. You probably feel emotions of some kind as "symptoms" - you get embarrassed and your face gets hot and your stomach does a flip flop. You get angry and you want to clench up - like clench your hands, you might get a little sweaty.... I think this is why somatic tracking is taught. So that we can become tolerant to any sensations, and so that eventually emotions aren't so scary and overwhelming (somatic tracking isn't for everyone). You have to become tolerant to being uncomfortable with sensations and thoughts (Sarno says to get back to activity as a way to start that desensitization or to increase tolerance). This doesn't have to be perfect. The idea is that SOME of the time you are aware and or feeling the bredth of your emotions and that reduces stress and hence suffering.
    The key as @Booble points out is awareness. Teaching yourself to stop and become aware of your emotions over and over and over again until it becomes habit. This can take days, months, years - however long it takes. It's not a perfect process and you won't do it 100% of the time. You learn to do it enough that it reduces your stress and suffering.
    There are some folks that you can simply explain this process to and they just go "oh" and are able to do it. Then others like myself who this is a very long process. I had 50+ years of NOT doing any of these things, and many personality traits and thoughts that were inaccurate that must be re-learned. It takes time. Over this time, I've learned to have more "fun" with the process and experiment. I've also learned to look for clues in things others people say.
    I saw an interview with the TMSwiki founder, Forrest where he mentions he really has never much felt his feelings (or certain feelings) and he rarely has physical symptoms that become chronic anymore. He has lessened his fear of any symptom and sees them for what they are, he accepts how his internal operating system works and doesn't strive for things like 100% feeling feelings. This is working for him, probably because he isn't struggling internally with it all.
    I've heard this termed as learning to "get out of your own way".
  10. Booble

    Booble Beloved Grand Eagle

    I like the "getting out of your own way" concept. I often remind myself that my body knows how to take care of itself and I don't have to monitor it. Let it do it's thing.
    I've recently been experimenting with reminding my unconscious controller that it doesn't need to over do things. This is an attempt to reduce the overflow of histamine release. It actually brought up an interesting internal "discussion" on protecting me. And the fear that if it doesn't overflow, that something bad might get in.
    patrickj likes this.

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