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Day 31 TMS and Work/Career

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Laudisco, Dec 18, 2014.

  1. Laudisco

    Laudisco Well known member

    I have to admit that I've taken a few months off work at the moment, because my fatigue became too severe and I just could not keep going. I kept trying to go back and ignore the symptoms, but it didn't work and I got worse. Deep down I knew I would have to take some time off… maybe a long time!

    It's been a huge blessing to have these two months off, as I feel like I've learned to relax a lot more… perhaps for the first time in my life. Also, I realised that I won't have to move back home if I stopped working. Before this situation, I was convinced that if I stopped working I would have to move back home with my parents. I dreaded that, so that negative motivation spurred me on. But eventually I ran out of steam, and I couldn't keep going any more.

    Yet now I feel relieved, as I have been released of that burden of fear - the fear that I'll have to move back home. Thankfully my parents have supported me financially, plus I have been getting some government assistance. It has also given me much more time to do in-depth journalling as part of the TMS SEP. I have also been going to a Christian meditation group every week, and learning to do meditative prayer at home which has made a real difference.

    ...

    I'm a bit unsure about going back to work, though. I realise that my previous job was probably not a good fit for my gifts and skills, so I think I would prefer to work somewhere quieter - like a small, natural health food shop. Yet I feel loyal to my old managers, as they have supported me through thick and thin, and have been incredibly patient and flexible with my health problems in the last 20 months. Yet I don't want to keep working there out of a need to "please" them… that would be giving in to my goodist tendencies!!

    I've also been brainstorming and doing an e-course about how to start an online business. I feel energised and optimistic about this, and I think this could be a great career option for me. Of course I won't be able to get a full-time income immediately, but I think it's something I would enjoy and feel passionate about. Even if it was just a part-time income, that would be excellent for me. I have learned to live on a low budget so any income is better than no income!!
     
  2. lina82

    lina82 Peer Supporter

    Interesting to hear about your future plans! I hope you stay true to yourself and live your own life, "follow your bliss" despite the feeling of needing to be loyal. I used 3 months this fall to read and do the exercises in "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Maybe you have heard about it? It includes journaling as well and is a guide for "blocked creatives" as she calls them (us :) ) to get back to their own true creativity, let their inner child play and find the courage to do what you always have wanted, but maybe haven't let yourself do. It helped me a lot. My pain has decreased, partly because of that I think, but the biggest difference is that my "space of living" has grown a lot! I realized that I was restricting myself from doing "dangerous" things, that I didn't let myself play (for various reasons - one of them being that I "should do something useful"...) and that I had forgotten about so many things that I have loved doing in my life.

    I also had terrible fatigue (almost like collapse) in the beginning of the fall, but Somatic Experiencing helped me a lot with that since it helps the body the get out of the freeze-state that comes when you experiences that you can't fight or flight, to put it simply. I don't experience any fatigue anymore. I still have terrible pain, but since I have energy and can go on with some of the activities I have had to stop doing.

    I hope you find your creative, energetic, pain free you again - step by step!
    ... and working in a small shop sounds so cozy! :)
     
    Laudisco likes this.
  3. lina82

    lina82 Peer Supporter

    And with taking months off from work - you haven't. You have just taken the wise decision to work with what's most important now (and always?) - you! I just reacted on your word "admit" - as if it would be something to be ashamed of. It isn't. :)
     
    Laudisco likes this.
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Laudisco. You did yourself a big favor by taking two months off from work
    and getting to know yourself better. I'm sure it gave you new energy and lift of spirit to keep going.
    We're all sometimes a little run-down Duracel batteries. We need to recharge ourselves.

    When I can't take time off from work, I practice deep breathing and laugh.
    A good long belly laugh helps a lot.
     
    Laudisco likes this.
  5. Laudisco

    Laudisco Well known member

    Thank you Lina and Walt! I really appreciate your comments and affirmation about my choice to take time off. It has really helped a lot!

    And it's wonderful to hear that you have overcome fatigue, Lina! That's a huge encouragement to me and great to hear that. Thank you so much for sharing!! :) I love visual art and I have seen the book 'The Artist's Way' so I might look into getting it. I have started doing some more painting with my free time, plus I have been brainstorming starting an online business on a topic I am passionate about.

    It's funny because my housemate commented that I use the phrase, "I must admit…" quite a lot. I realised that I do it without thinking, and that perhaps it points of subconscious feelings of guilt. I realised I don't need to say it so often, as I don't need to apologise when I haven't done anything wrong.

    I think this comes from a weak sense of identity/self-worth, and also my goodist tendencies. I'm learning to overcome these!
     
    lina82 likes this.

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