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TMS and retirement - a question

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by The Fool, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. The Fool

    The Fool Peer Supporter

    I have been reading a lot about how the stresses and strains of living a fast paced life is a huge factor in creating TMS, but my own pain only began when I was fortunate enough to retire early. I admit that I had been previously going through a stressful time with my family, but it wasn't until all the dust had settled, and I found myself with a lot of time on my hands that my pain really started to become consistent and chronic.

    The really stressful period of my life was 7 years ago now, and I feel I have worked through most of the emotional damage caused at the time. My pain persists, even though life for me now is really good, and I have managed to fill some of my time with fulfilling activities. I suppose my question is can TMS also exist when life takes on a much slower pace? I suppose I am at a loss to understand why I should still be in pain, when my life holds no stressors, and I can pretty much please myself most days.
  2. Ryan

    Ryan Well known member

    Sarno said that getting older and the thought of mortality can bring about rage. Some people once they retired and don't do there job each day, lose there identity of who they were. They don't know there purpose in life any more or the direction they are going. Not saying that any of these are you, just some food for thought. :)

  3. The Fool

    The Fool Peer Supporter

    Thanks Ryan for the reminder. This is a factor that I've certainly considered and worked on. There are so many reasons why I have TMS - I fit so well into Sarno's explanations of the concept. For a long while I was trying so hard to change. Then I tried really hard not to try so hard. And being retired, I have time to spend on trying. Now, I am at an impasse. I really don't know what is my best way forward. Sarno's concept seems so simple on the surface, and infinitely complicated underneath.

    I think I just needed to point out today, that not all TMS problems are down to over-working, and never having a minute for yourself. Stress and TMS manifests in so many guises.
    LynnCarol1 likes this.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm 85 and didn't think about mortality until I reached 80 and saw how fewer were the Christmas cards
    from old friends. I thought mortality was for everyone else, but not for me. This realization probably
    contributed to severe back pain that came on 2 years ago. Thanks to learning about TMS and reading
    Dr. Sarno, I healed. I had also learned from journaling that I was repressing some boyhood anger.

    I suggest not dwelling on aging or mortality and keep busy doing things you enjoy.
    I'm a writer of books and am currently having a ball writing a sequel to Jane Austen's
    Pride and Prejudice. It's keeping me so busy, I hate to do anything else, eager to get back to
    writing another chapter. I may have to self-publish it and not earn a dime, but I don't care.
    I'm doing it for fun. And my imagination is going wild. It's good for the mind.

    Enjoy your retirement. I don't even intend to retire. I want to die writing. God willing, I will.

    If you or anyone else wants to email me about Pride and Prejudice, please do at
    LynnCarol1 and North Star like this.
  5. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Fool,

    I developed severe TMS foot pain after some time of doing less and less ----quitting school teaching and relinquishing the busy-ness of home ownership. When I look for the "cause event" there really is none.

    Dr. Sarno spoke of many cases where symptoms arose when people finally "relaxed" like on vacation, retirement, etc. He said that perhaps the distraction caused by the busy-ness of our "normal" lives was a distraction, and without that distraction (with more time) the difficult feelings may be more apt to come to the surface, and hence the "need" for TMS symptoms to distract awareness.

    For me, I can just look at the moment-to-moment pressurizing of my perfectionism, hyper-active Superego, self-rejection, and so on, and find plenty of reason for TMS. In my experience, you can cure symptoms without "finding the exact cause." This search itself can be pressurizing, and perfectionistic, and anxiety causing.

    Good luck enjoying life!!!

    Andy B.
    IrishSceptic and Ellen like this.
  6. The Fool

    The Fool Peer Supporter

    Thank you Walt. I know TMS can strike at any age - you are an inspiration with your passion for the written word.

    And thanks Andy B for the reminder that our perfectionistic, hyper- sensitive personalities are a great contributor to the persistence of TMS symptoms.

    I stopped journalling and visiting my psychotherapist about a year ago now - feeling all talked out. But maybe I need to talk some more again and really get to the bottom of my problems once and for all. You can talk all you like, but sometimes there is no feeling behind the talk, and you're just going through the motions. I think I'm just feeling disappointed in myself at the moment for not making a recovery after working so long at it. Most of the time I'm really cheerful and I genuinely feel happy and lucky to be retired. But, scratch the surface and I feel sad, frustrated and yes, unfulfilled. There's just a small and very elusive ingredient missing, and it's making all the difference.

    I find it hard to express the real me, even in writing on a fairly anonymous discussion forum. I think I've been hiding all my life, and I don't know how to stop.
    IrishSceptic, Ryan and Ellen like this.
  7. Ryan

    Ryan Well known member

    what great statement, you are on the right Track. That takes courage, what you said. Keep looking and doors will Open. Let yourself be free and be just you, your a special person you know. Let your light shine through and the truth will set you free :)

    Lizzy likes this.
  8. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Fool,

    Your writing sure shows a sensitivity and a desire to understand yourself more. Sometimes the way forward is to simply be with the feeling of "wanting to hide." Or feel the textures of "unfullfilled." These feelings are what you are aware of, and if you allow this to be experienced, in your body, things begin to move...and open. Just being with your own sincerity, and your desire to feel more can also be a wonderful thing. In my experience, all of us wants to be felt, and this takes time and sincerity, and some guidance. I specialize in this kind of exploration, which is not therapy. Here is my website if you're interested: http://www.tmspainrelief.com/

    It seems you are really wanting to go deeper in your life. This is part of the TMS experience for many people. Good Journey!

    Andy B.
    Lizzy likes this.
  9. IrishSceptic

    IrishSceptic Podcast Visionary

    I think your choice of username is telling in how you see yourself. I'd suggest Louise Hays 'you can heal your life' . was recommended to me by a very knowledgeable lady.
    you may be suffering some form of emotional neglect, check out Dr Jonice Webbs book on the subject.

    There is a limit to psychotherapy and I have found its difficult to progress from the talking stage to doing stage. you can't change the past but you can impact subtly your day to day behaviours and reactions to events. good luck and have a glorious retirement!
    Lizzy likes this.
  10. The Fool

    The Fool Peer Supporter

    Andy B - thank you for your insightful words. You're right in that I need to start and learn how to feel more. When I was younger, my feelings were spontaneous, deeply felt, and recognised by both mind and body. I can't remember when I began to turn into this automaton of a human being. Probably when the hard knocks of ordinary life began, and gradually began to build the walls in my mind, leading to repression. Thank you also for the link to your website. I found it very interesting, and it certainly struck a chord with me. I will certainly look out for the books you have suggested reading, and take some time to try and be with my deeper inner feelings more.

    Irishsceptic - my username was taken from a character I admire in a series of books. But, I have come to accept that I was "fooling" myself again when I chose it. I do see myself as a fool for many reasons. I have a copy of Louise Hay's book, which I read a couple of years ago now. In truth, I thought I was done with information gathering, and needed to just get on with the pursuit of happiness in order to heal, but the work I have done on my TMS journey has turned out to be superficial, no matter how long I have been doing it. You see - always the "Fool". When I have truly healed, I will get Forrest to change it for me.

    Thank you also to Ryan for your kind words - everyone here is so supportive. This is a true haven when you're feeling a little desperate, and not sure of a way forward.

    IrishSceptic likes this.
  11. LynnCarol1

    LynnCarol1 Peer Supporter

  12. LynnCarol1

    LynnCarol1 Peer Supporter

    Hi Lizzy,
    An old yoga friend (I was a yoga drop out - I am not good at relaxing and that was the ending of every session. I was too busy thinking about what I had to get home to do.!) recommended the Louise Hays book to me. It just came today. I will let you know what I think.
    IrishSceptic and Lizzy like this.
  13. Lori

    Lori Well known member

    Any change in life circumstance, large or small, can trigger TMS.


    Louise Hay has very worthwhile things to say. I saw her a few years ago when she was maybe 82, and she is spunky. (So was Dr. Sarno when I saw him at 83!!) Gotta love that.
    IrishSceptic likes this.
  14. LynnCarol1

    LynnCarol1 Peer Supporter


    I LOVE your picture and am off to get a pedicure!. I have started Louise Hay's book and between Hay and Walt I am feeling like a youngster with a lot of living left to do.

    Good days and not so good days with my foot but I am working on it and will see Dr Rashbaum when I get back from Germany towards the end of May. I am still hopeful that by the time I get back from Germany I will not need Dr Rashbaum to confirm the TMS diagnosis.

    Last week our friend, Dr Pat Hannan, a chiropractor from Huntington, NY, confirmed the TMS diagnosis so that has gone a long way to increasing my good days. Pat is the doctor who introduced me to Dr Sarno and TMS. I have been encouraging Pat to get involved on this site. He is a back specialist and I think he would be a very welcome addition to the TMS cadre of professionals in the Long Island area.

    IrishSceptic likes this.

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