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Tms and parenting

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by HollDoll, Jul 28, 2020.

  1. HollDoll

    HollDoll Peer Supporter

    Hey all,

    The main symptom I'm struggling with is chronic insomnia. I'm at the point where I can hardly move around in my days without feeling like I am going to fall over- which certainly makes staying home and caring for my 17-month-old very difficult.

    The irony is that I know this symptom is the result of anxiety and fear over not being able to handle the massive change in responsibility becoming a mom brought-

    But whereas pre-insomnia it was merely a constant worry, it now feels like I am legitimately living out this worry in real-life, because of how incapacitated the insomnia has made me.

    In other words, it feels like my biggest fear has become my reality.

    Needless to say, my fear of becoming a totally incapacitated parent due to ongoing sleep deprivation is SO intense, it feels nearly impossible to crawl out of this hole I know I dug for myself .

    I am wondering how other parents deal with this fear of their symptoms leaving them unable to care for their children??

    I AM still taking care of her, I remind myself, but my care involves such bare minimum movement that it terrifies me I'll never sleep / feel normal and capable again.

    Thank you for reading. I am very appreciative of any and all support right now, as this is the one symptom (imperative) I have not been able to "get out of," and that scares me like no other symptom ever did.
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sarno talks about the newborn child/new symptom scenario a lot. I don't know if it effects men and women the same, but I am certain that a large part of my symptoms breaking out when they did (birth of my second son) That unconscious ANGER was at the root of it. I would have doubted that UNTIL I read all of the detailed process of repression in HBP.

    I went from working a lot to HAVING to work always. I went from a two income family to a one income family. I gave up all of my personal hobbies and spent my one day off a week watching the kids to be a 'good dad'.

    The idea that anger completely bypasses our conscious mind seemed CRAZY to me. I Loved my sons. I still do.

    I was willing to try everything. Sarno's description made sense. I started making lists of all of the stuff I had to give up, all of the sacrifices I had had to make, my peeves and rages about my wife, our parents, my friends and most important MY SONS!

    This sounds like psycho-babble to the uninitiated, but when I could bring to paper my gripes about them and all of the changes I had to make for them, my pain went away. It never manifested in the real world. I never treated them poorly , but I did admit it to myself and the 'conflict' eased up and so did the symptoms. If anything, It made me a better father , because now I was able to interact with them, play hard with them,etc. We are still really close today and they are adults.

    It is biological and instinctive to care for our young. But throw in all of the new 'stuff' out there and the manifold Imperatives of being a 'good parent' and that could wind anybody up. There is 5 years between my sons and we noticed between son #1 and #2, the list of stuff you had to do to be a good parent had grown exponentially. Hell, when I was a kid we didn't have car seats, distracto-matic toy centers, video paradise or architectural wunderkind playgrounds. I dug a lot of holes in my back yard. I played with rocks. I chewed on them. (I have a picture) We somehow managed to survive in spite of all of that 'neglect' (LOL)

    the parent 'imperative' might be what you are angry at..... You'll find it inside of yourself. You sound like a good mom... but you might be trying to be perfect.????

    hang in there
    Dorado, HollDoll and HattieNC like this.
  3. HollDoll

    HollDoll Peer Supporter

    Thanks so much for the long thoughtful and encouraging reply, @Baseball65 . How right you are about all the new 'stuff' out there to have / do in order to be a better parent / give your kids a better childhood. I lol'd at your description of your childhood about digging holes and chewing on rocks. It's so true! Way less pressure on parents than today.

    I'm not someone who represses emotions (in fact I should probably try and emote less lol) and I've 100% admitted to the anger and resentment I often feel with all the demands and responsibilities that becoming a parent inevitably brings. For a while I struggled so much with the transition that I was convinced I had made a horrible mistake in becoming a parent in the first place...

    I do not feel or think that anymore, BUT, I am now very caught up in feeling how I could be such a BETTER mom and enjoy this vocation so much more ***if I could just freaking sleep.*** Obviously.

    I was able to rock outcome independence with all my previous bodily pains, but not so much with the fear over not sleeping.

    I am trying to focus on what I can do vs. can't with my daughter, but man it's hard when what I can do is so little. I want to do so much more but get confused because this is legitimate sleep deprivation I am working against- which in my mind = "legit incapacity" in comparison to the bodily pain I experienced in the past. Does that make any sense? I could push through the bodily pain in the past but am finding it massively difficult to do so with the lack of sleep, which is "real" (not saying body pain is not real, but do you know what I mean?).

    I do agree with you about needing to cool it on the perfection front, though. I need to cut myself some slack for sure. Thank you again for responding!

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