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TMS AND AVOIDING "REAL" LIFE (and a bad relationship)

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Tabathafromnj, Oct 19, 2013.

  1. Tabathafromnj

    Tabathafromnj Peer Supporter

    I read in one of the books that among other things TMS is as a way for us to avoid real life. Not just our feelings, it is a way to avoid those too, but when I am in my TMS it serves a dual purpose of keeping me shut out from dealing with a "normal" life too. With my TMS my whole day revolves around my illness, my symptoms, am I better today,am I worse, how am I doing at this moment....always thinking about how I am feeling, how am I doing, do my symptoms show, how un attractive I look to others with my TMS. Since my TMS started this time around, I don't participate in life like I used to where others are around. I don't socialize, I am too uncomfortable about how my appearnace and TMS, I don't join in life with others and do things anymore. I barely leave my neighborhood. My TMS has manifested in female alopecia (loosing your hair that came on with no real reason or explanation. I have no illness or nutritional problems) and because of that I do not shower much either because I will lose too much hair when I do, it is the most frightful experience. I don't groom myself because I can't comb my hair so I stay away from situations where I have to dress up or look nice. I spend most of my time at home or in my neighborhood in sweat pants and unwashed and grungy and isolated from all of the pretty shiny people who are all dressed up and living normal lives.

    MY TMS started when I became involved ith a married man and it has all but assured me that I would keep away from him too, I haven't seen him since my symptoms started and I would not even dream of seeing him looking so unttractive or unbathd they way I do now. In that way TMS is the perfect sneaky crime to keep me away from this harmful relationship, if I didn't have it I know I would be with that married man! For me, dumping the married man comes first I suppose. We still Facebook every day so that keeps the relationship Going ( You can also tell me to dump the married man if you agree with me that will help)

    I also think the TMS is keeping me isolated and alone and away from real life too. As long as I am sooooooooooo busy trying to get better or obsessively focused on my symptoms how could I possibly live a normal life (insert sarcasm). Does anyone else feel this way and what did you do to get your life back.
  2. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I had lost all my friendships and basically all my goals and life enjoyment due to tms
    Although tms wasn't trying to get me to give up, it was trying to get me to get back to living life ya know

    I was in terrible body pain and I didn't want anyone seeing me the way I was
    Heck I was always the jock, the guy that always had things under control and now I was
    stuck in bed with extreme pain, barley able to roll over in bed.

    So I started to understand that I had to get back into a relationship with life
    I started making it a habit to focus on getting better instead of thinking I was going to be like this the rest of my life.

    I read hope and inspiration thoughts and blogs every day as id awake
    that would give me the power to visualize myself back living life and seeing myself as
    an overcomer again. The Drs, said it would be of no use but I knew in my heart that
    nothing can stop us from getting what we want in life, even disabilities and pain or fear.

    I started the SEP and journaled a lot asking more questions than I can remember
    I learned a lot of really good things that compelled me to keep moving forward
    and in 5 months I was almost like new again with my hope and enthusiasm back.

    See I visualized who I am now, I saw myself exercising and having fun, enjoyment
    I felt the visualization emotionally as well in every fiber of my being
    I used affirmations like im calm, relaxed, patient and confident

    Then I started walking for like 2 minutes at a time till I could walk further
    then I threw horse shoes with like a 15 foot throws and soon I was throwing them the correct length

    The moral is I had to get started in my mind first. I had to see myself back on my feet and enjoying life in my mind
    Then what I visualized and felt emotionally - well it came to pass.

    There's a famous psychologist named Milton Erickson that was paralyzed for two years-
    and he would imagine his body moving and doing all the things he always used to do for enjoyment.
    Soon he was out of the body cast and he was moving as normal as anyone-
    As normal as hed visualized it to be. Your mind has powerful effects on your body and well being as you already know.

    So remember everything we do or think or feel emotionally is an affirmation to our subconscious that thats what we want in life.
    Send out signals to your body through your mind of your visualizations seeing yourself fully cured and happy.
    Make this so real that you feel it to be real right now, not some day - right now ok.
    Then you will begin to change the way your minds signals are being interpreted effecting a cure-
    through the power of your thoughts, think the way you want to be.
    After 21 days or so this thinking will become habit and when you start to see it and feel it as its true
    even though its not yet, it wont be long and you will be seeing life totally free
    Bless you
    Balsa11, Joey2276, plum and 1 other person like this.
  3. beachygirl

    beachygirl New Member

    Hi Tabathafromnj, I cried when I read your story. Which is actually a good thing for me. By shutting of negative emotions like anger and frustration it seems I have shut off all of them (menopause doesn't help). I have had hypothyroid,Hasimoto's, low iron, anxiety, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, Insomnia for about 15 years. I have steadily gotten worse each year. during this time I had back pain, neck pain, rotator cuff pain for 3 years to the point of barely ably to lift my right arm. I had to bring one of my boys with me everytime I shopped so they could lift the bags into the trunk for me, Plantairs Fascitis in both feet lasting about 1 and 1/2 years each. I usually never had these pains at the same time. Symptom imperative at work!. about 3 years ago a friend told me about DR Sarno. I read The Mind Body prescription and The Divided Mind. These helped me a little but I was still experiencing extreme fatigue and I have a typical TMS personality of being a Perfectionist Goodist worrying about EVERY little thing.

    Like you I thought constantly about my symptoms and spent hours and hours online researching . It was my obsession to get well and be able to do and have a life again. I was able to work throughout all this because I have a great boss and was able to go to about 16 hours a week while getting paid a better than full time salary. Able to come and go as I needed(altho being a perfectionist I was constantly pushing myself) . I had no social life. I would come home from work around 1pm and go to bed, not that I could sleep, just lay there with my eyes closed. If I could I would get up to make dinner, If I couldn't my husband would cook, then to the couch till bedtime. I had several "attacks" where I could barely walk across the room, these would last for months at a time.

    Soooo, What helped me? I was at my wits end (again) about 3 months ago and looking on my bookshelf I saw "Freedom from Fibromyalgia" by Nancy Selfridge. My daughter-in-law was just diagnosed with Fibro, she is only 25. So I reread this book and got her a copy. By doing some research online (still obsessing at this point) I found this wonderful, lifesaving Wiki on TMS!! (thank you to Forest, Walt, Herbie, Becca, SteveO, and many many more) I starting reading the forum and bought Steve O's book "The Great Pain Deception" IMO this book should be required reading for everyone on this planet! I am almost finished with it and will start it over.
    Even though I had read 2 of Dr sarno's books and Nancy Selfridges book It was this last book that has really helped me. I still have a long way to go but am getting better. I absolutely refuse to think about my symptoms, you HAVE to do that or you cannot get better. You must must must ignore every pain, every twitch, ache, anxiety, fatigue, etc.. it is hard at first but you eventually break the cycle. I was like you and would wake up and think what hurts today? How tired am I? How anxious? what do I need to look up about? will I make it to work? what new supplement do I need?

    I learned deep breathing and relaxation with visualization. I would see myself in a beautiful place (the beach for me) surrounded by the beauty of creation. I visualize myself well and doing things. I took the advice of SteveO and visualized blood rushing to any painful spots, I visualize myself doing some task that i normally cannot do. You are in effect changing your brain, your way of thinking. It takes time and patience. I suggest if you haven't read "The great Pain Deception" to do so. it applies to more than just pain. Pain was not my main problem, the fatigue and constant worry were. I still have fatigue but no more pains. At first they moved all around it was quite hilarious really, The mind doesn't forget what caused you concern before and so It tries to go to the same places. Symptom Imperative at work.

    I journaled, alot at first, not so much anymore. I have been married to a very Depressed Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde for 32 years. My Mother was a Borderline Personalty. My Father-In -Law is an abusive alcoholic, so needless to say i had ALOT to journal about. I believe StevO's advice in his book about having someone you can trust to confide in. I did not have anyone, but now I do! And I am feeling better to just get it out to a caring understanding friend.

    I am an avid Bible reader so I would read and reread my favorite comforting scriptures. Knowing how much God cares for me personally and will help me through anything I can't handle.

    I changed my self talk. nothing negative allowed! I say only comforting, self assuring things to myself over and over

    I also would not let myself obsess over TMS . I would read my book and look at this forum 3 or 4 times a week but not every day. It is important to not obsess And I could have very easily made this my new obsession!

    I hope these tidbits are helpful to you. Everything I have said above I have either read on this forum of in one of the TMS books, (SteveO's is my new fav).

    I wish you all the best on your healing journey !
    Balsa11 likes this.
  4. beachygirl

    beachygirl New Member

    One more thing I want to add that has helped is Steve's idea to concentrate on a body part that doesn't hurt. I love that idea!
  5. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wow Beachygirl that is so awesome.
    Everything you said is an exact rd. to healing.
    I love your Style, you can tell you are very compassionate about what you are doing.

    Getting a passion to learn tms therapy knowledge is the passion you have-
    as you add what you need to grow too- This is just such a great post of Determination
    Thank you so much for telling us your awesome skills and resilience
    Bless you
    beachygirl likes this.
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    TMS does not take me away from real life but takes me deeper into it.

    I had a disagreement with a neighbor a few weeks ago and felt like he didn't appreciate
    favors I had done for him. He even sounded like he accused me of stealing some trivial things from him
    (blank DVDs he asked me to use to copy some family stuff).

    I decided to let the dust settle and would have just avoided any further association with him
    (because he's a complainer and always reporting bad news he sees on tv).

    But the angel of my better nature whispered to me that I should turn the other cheek
    so I went to him and apologized for losing my cool, and we made up. I didn't wait for him to
    offer a palm branch of reconciliation, and he maybe never have. I felt good for having been the
    one to initiate the peace.

    Peaceful relations always relieve stress.

    So I didn't retreat from the emotional pain. I faced it and now it's gone.
    plum likes this.
  7. beachygirl

    beachygirl New Member

    Thank you, That means alot!
  8. Tabathafromnj

    Tabathafromnj Peer Supporter

    What an incredible share.,I wish everyone would have the chance to read it, it is really amazing. I was feeling very sad today and this is a great gift to make me feel better. The things you write are magic. I have learned so much from your shares!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree and am going to post is as a new thread so it gets wider attention.

    Herbie really is great. We're writing a book together, about TMS.
    It's almost finished and ready to be printed. We'll post about an announcement
    when it's available. It's full of TMS healing techniques.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  10. beachygirl

    beachygirl New Member

    Can't Wait!!!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.

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