Thoughts on dealing with interpersonal conflicts

[Lalaland123]

I've looked through older threads to find ways to deal with interpersonal conflicts. I'm in a situation where I live with people who trigger (I know this isn't the right word but I can't find a better one) me almost daily. I've gained so much emotional awareness that I can recognize that I am angry when I'm around that specific person but the anger quickly resolves once I'm alone.

From older threads I've read these two pieces of advice, which I think might help me:
- one can resolve the conflict without involving the other person since the conflict stems from ones own internal world
- journaling and unsent letter technique may help

I still have some questions and feel like I'm missing parts of the puzzle: I think that journaling might help with becoming aware of one's feelings caused by the conflict and possibly also the reason why these feelings arise. It's okay to have these feelings but whether I act out on them or not is up to me to decide.

My question now is what is a good way to deal with the other person? As I think it's impossible to change the person I'm having conflicts with I might have to distance myself and "brace myself" for her saying hurtful things or invalidating me? Is the goal to not be that affected anymore? (Not in a sense that I'm ignoring my feelings but rather in a sense that I know I'm probably dealing with an emotionally immature person). Does the SEP help with this problem? I plan on starting it next month.

 

[Cactusflower]

The SEP presents many ways in which to inquire about your emotions about people and events, to discover triggers and to reflect on how they developed from especially but not limited to childhood. A style of journaling called unsent letters is probably the best for this situation.
It is not going to address all of your interpersonal “issues” but it will give you the impetus to figure that stuff out when the time comes. What you are really looking at is learning how to deal with your own emotions and to set boundaries. I view this as setting boundaries with yourself: what you are willing to hear from others, how you are willing to be treated and how you will respond.
Setting boundaries is challenging especially for people pleasers and brings up a lot of other emotions besides anger. The important thing to remember is that this is about you learning to say “no” and how you communicate that to the other person. It’s important to recognize it’s not your responsibility to manage how they feel or react to the boundary.